AIBU to be surprised that my Wife has asked two guys out on a "Girls Night"?

[rachelmonday1]

Apologies, but this one is a bit out of the ordinary. I'm a crossdresser and my wife has known this from within weeks of us meeting, many years ago. She is very supportive and we often go shopping and have days out, with myself as "Rachel".

We bought tickets for a night out in London and booked train tickets and a hotel, but within a week of doing so, my wife mentioned it to a male friend of ours (who knows about Rachel) and he asked if he could come. My wife said yes and since then he is bringing a friend of his. We both know both of the guys from a our normal "husband and wife" circle of friends, but having them join us for our London night out is not what I would choose.

As I mentioned, it's not your average post, but you Ladies have been very helpful in the past and your views are always welcome.

I think it would definitely look like two couples going out and given that your male friends are single, I wonder whether your wife thinks some pairing off might take place. I know what you've said, that you are not gay etc but there's something odd about this, as people will see you as a couple of women out for the night with a couple of men.

Yes Nomama. What started off as a simple weekend away, even taking the train to avoid the hassle of driving, and booking an apartment rather than a hotel room has become something far more daunting. The guys have booked an apartment in the same development and I'm pretty sure will now want to take the train with us. It's going to look like two couples, but it's the dancefloor that concerns me most if I'm honest.

I don't think for one second that that though even entered her head ImperialBlether. It's more the perception by others that bothers me, and how that will make me feel

OK, so have you told your wife that?

She may not have thought about it in that way. She might just have considered that Rachel might like a wider circle of friends and these two friends of Richard sprang to mind.

I'd suggest you have a chat about it. After all nothing could be much harder than that chat you had years ago about Rachel being a reality in your life

It might spoil it, but then again they might love Rachel and have the best night out in ages.

I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have agreed to come in the first place if it wasn't going to be their cup of tea.

(Unless Rachel's a massive bitch after a few white wines of course)

Maybe your wife finds it a bit restrictive, that when you're Rachel it's only ever in a group of the two of you? Perhaps she just fancies the night out you've got planned as part of a group rather than 'just' a couple, club nights can be more fun in a group?

Exactly.

Bit presumptive of her but I'm sure she didn't mean any harm. Obviously, talk to her about all of this for next time, but for this weekend why not go for it?

Hope you're going to a naice party somewhere naice and respectable and not some kind of way out club.

All very valid points again and points to me being a bit over-sensitive perhaps, which I can totally accept. When we go out, with me as Rachel, we just do what any other girls do on a night out, drink, natter, bitch, maybe dance a bit and it's all great fun. Sometimes guys start chatting and it doesn't bother either of us at all, even when they realise I'm a guy. I think I'm just being a bit over-sensitive because now we're going out with two guys and the public perception that will presented. Let's face it, i suppose it's actually quite a compliment if looked at from a different perspective. I suppose I'm just griping about the way it has come about.

Nothing way out at all TiggyD, just a retro / fancy dress party being held in a 1930s ballroom. Only held twice a year and hence always a good turn-out and loads of fun.

Sounds magic!

A friend invited a group of us girls to meet 'Samantha' for a coffee....we knew all about Sam and if we had any problem at all we wouldn't have gone....we all had a laugh...Samantha was trying out her look and it was the first time she'd been out in public as 'Samantha'....I am 6ft and she stuck to me like glue as I made her feel 'dainty'!...I can understand your feelings but I think you will have a ball!

Thanks Marylou62, but I have concerns whatsoever about going out as Rachel, as I have been doing so for years. My post was really about my wife, having agreed to and helped arrange a "girls night" for the two of us, then agreeing to male friend of us coming and then for him to bring another male friend. I'm not in the slightest bit gay and neither are the guys. I have no concerns about talking with guys when I'm out, but I'm just a bit concerned about how the four of us may be perceived and the fact that I wasn't given a voice in the decisions.

Slightly off-topic, but Rachel you look amazing for 'over 50'!

Talk to your wife. Tell her all the view points we've come up with on this thread and see what she says. The crux for me was that even without the Rachel aspect, in terms of basic etiquette, if you've arranged to go somewhere with a person and they want to invite other persons it is normal to discuss this BEFORE inviting them. Your wife hasn't done this, and adding in that these guys haven't been out with Rachel before I do think it could alter the feel of the night and I'd also be concerned about the perception of two couples. Just talk to her, is there any way she could sort of uninvite them?

Thankyou SuburbanCrofter. Compliments are always welcome, although I do tend to get through a lot of MAC and moisturiser!

I just worried that the whole weekend could be compromised ShadowsShadowsEverywhere as the whole dynamic has changed. It's not as though it's a cheap weekend either and I'm sure she'd not be happy if I did the same thing. I just don't want to "rock the boat" though, as I know that on the whole I am very, very lucky to be able to enjoy the life that I do.

Ok I may be way off here but if I'm trying to think about why your wife did it. From my experience/perspective is she wanting some kind of foursome? Is she 'over' being tolerant and wants to date you as a man, rather than being really okay with this?

Tbh I think many people would feel the same regardless of the cross dressing issue. If my DH and I had arranged a nice weekend away I would be cross too, if he then invited other people. The dynamics would be changed and it would be a different weekend to what I was looking forward to. I may well enjoy it, but I would feel peeved like you in the lead up to it.

I honestly don't think that's the case for one minute Nerf, but then I suppose I would say that. We are both very sociable people and I totally believe that it was just a case of "the more the merrier". Just to be clear, while we do go out with me as Rachel, these times are in the minority by far. We have a very healthy life as husband and wife, and Rachel makes appearances in it maybe every 5 or 6 weeks. She laughs when we get approached by guys and pulls my leg enormously, but like me, would never see dating a guy as even a remote consideration.

I have a slightly different take in this. My husband is a cross dresser. I only discovered this relatively recently. He is very shy about it and only wants to dress when we are home or in a hotel room. No would love fir us to go out together and to not have to be do bloody secretive all the time. My feeling is that he didn't come out of the closet when I found out, he just dragged me in there with them!!
Could this be how your wife feels?

My thoughts exactly notnaice, although I'd hate to think I'm being unreasonable and appearing un-appreciative of all the my wife does for me, given the circumstances. Hence the post.

My wife and I have discussed my crossdressing many times over the years mumpossible, as I can really see why a lot of women wouldn't put up with it. I told her my secret within weeks of meeting her and we've been married now for over 17 years. Over this time, we've had ups and downs over it, but on the whole it has brought us so very close together and it is often her that buys things for me or suggests going out. Not all the time obviously, but I'd say around 25%. I therefore don't think I'm dragging her at all (if you'll pardon the pun).

How did you find out about your husband, if you don't mind me asking?

Hmm. ..I think you might have misunderstood me. I wasn't referring to being dragged into the situation, more that I am somewhat uncomfortable with the secrecy this entails. I thinks that there is no reason he or any one should have to hide this. The whole two gender dichotomy is bullshit really.
I read somewhere,possibly in my husband Betty, but I'm not certain,yhe analogy of being dragged into the closet and it really resonated with me. I feel I am forced to pretend, to be secretive and to feel there is cause for shame. Partly because society is so closed to this. And partly because my husband has no desire to go any further than dressing in private. Entirely his right and his choice.

But for me, I now often feel I am holding things back from friends and family. I often have to check I am not saying too much. It frustrates me. If we are shopping and I see something lovely,I can't just say you woukd look fab in that. Or gifts have yo be secret. We have to lie about where we have been if we're organising childcare for a hotel trip. I am an open person, or a blabber mouth,and I hate the bullshit.

I found out by accident, stumbled across pictures. It was a real shock. .but it's all ok now. We have adjusted
Mostly. ?

Hi RAchel, can I just say I was posting quickly while out with the boys and I'm sorry,because reading it back is quibbling. You are very gracious in your open responses to everyone btw.

Totally agree with the two-gender proposition as being complete nonsense, as I believe that there are so many aspects to sexuality. A whole debate of its' own!

You've raised a fantastic point though mumpossible, and one that I had never considered. I've always enjoyed the challenge and the enjoyment of being out-and-abut as Rachel, doing just the same things as the women around me do. You're are so right in your view of this all being so secretive though and I had never, ever thought that maybe my wife would be happier if things were less so. It says so much of her if this is true and I certainly would understand, even though I'm sure it would bring more challenges.

She's not home until later this evening, but I can feel a very interesting conversation coming on. Maybe I've been seeing things from a typical crossdressers perspective for too long!