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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be 30 and not know what I want to be when I grow up?

38 replies

HelenaJustina · 28/01/2015 20:22

The thread title is slightly tongue-in-cheek as I do see myself as a grown up. I have a mortgage, have been married for 10 years and have 4 children under 8...

I worked for a year after graduating from uni with a non-vocational degree, then went on maternity leave and have never returned to paid work.

I want to return to work, probably when youngest starts school in 2/3 years time. But I don't know what I want to do (in a whiny voice!)

Am I unusual? Or can you inspire me with your stories of finding your dream vocation/job after children?

OP posts:

Cantbelievethisishappening · 28/01/2015 20:25

I did...... in my 30's

ThursdayLast · 28/01/2015 20:26

Following in the home that someone will inspire me too.

I feel exactly the same Helena, but have achieved much much less than you since graduating

TheReluctantCountess · 28/01/2015 20:28

I'm 36. I've been teaching for 14 years. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

SurlyCue · 28/01/2015 20:30

I think its ok not to know. I dont think we all need to have that one thing that weve always wanted to do. As long as youre doing something (paid or unpaid) to keep your brain from rotting and make yourself feel useful and you're generally happy then i think theres no problem.

I'm studying now in a field i had no notion of being in 8 months ago. I have no idea whether i'll be in this field in ten years (would like to be) but i'll cross every bridge when i get to it. Right now this is what interests me. So i'm doing it. Because you get one life.

Mrsstarlord · 28/01/2015 20:30

42 - been working since 21 in 'professional' jobs - still no idea!

Mrsstarlord · 28/01/2015 20:30

And I can't count - I'm 41!

Original poster

HelenaJustina · 28/01/2015 20:32

cant what is your secret? What did you find or more importantly how did you find it?!
reluctantcountess I've thought about teaching, I have teachers in the family who have been nudging me that way. But the topics about it on here are largely very negative! Do you mind me asking if you enjoy it?

OP posts:

Cockadoodledooo · 28/01/2015 20:34

I'm nearly 39 and have no idea.

Actually since watching too much Spooks whilst being off work sick I quite fancy working for MI5. Not desperately compatible with family life though.

DisappointedOne · 28/01/2015 20:35

I still don't know and I'm 37.

Original poster

HelenaJustina · 28/01/2015 20:35

surly I think part of the problem is that I really want to feel like I'm doing something useful/meaningful (which would imply public sector) but I don't want to waste time jumping about from profession to profession. For family reasons I will need to be the main breadwinner in 10/15 years time so need to find something and climb just the one ladder!

OP posts:

JKSLtd · 28/01/2015 20:36

I always thought growing up I would be sorted by 30, doing something I wanted to do and getting on with it.

By 30 I'd already given up teaching and was pg with DC1.
Since then (nearly 40 now) I've dabbled in low level p-t stuff and never really found anything to 'be'.

My siblings all have careers and can be described as 'being' something, but not me. I'm a SAHM with 3 DC and no CV to speak of.

feetheart · 28/01/2015 20:38

It's probably not much help but I'm 52 and still don't know :)

NormHonal · 28/01/2015 20:39

I'm 40yo and also don't know. Technically I should now be ending my having-babies career break and getting on with . But haven't got a fecking clue what that is.

I had a very clear vision of my life up to and including the point of having DCs. It feels very strange to now be vision-less.

I've tried some voluntary work and loved that far more than anything I've ever been paid to do. If anyone knows where I can find some paid voluntary work, that would be fabulous.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 28/01/2015 20:44

I have no idea either. Like you, I worked for a bit post-uni, went on maternity leave and haven't returned to proper employment since. From my CV I look seriously fickle as I've taken on bits and bobs that fit around the family. Was just about to get a proper job then found out I was pregnant with DD after a 6 year gap! So back to being a SAHM realistically until she's at school, though will keep up bits of self employed work (piano teacher) I like the music teaching as it's flexible, reasonably well paid and I'm my own boss. But of course the work isn't guaranteed. When DD is old enough I really will need to get more 'proper work' as we're pretty stretched financially now.

When I grow up I'd like to be an actor but realistically? I have no idea. Not a clue. I've tried secondary school teaching (hated it, more paperwork and crowd control than teaching) and did a stint working in HR, as well as some weekend care work. So I'm 34 nearly, and really don't know what I want to do with my life. If I wait til DD starts school I will have been out of the workplace for almost 12 years. Eeek.

queeneileen · 28/01/2015 20:46

35 and still no real idea.

Problem is, my Actual Skills are: googling things for people (there is very little I can't find) and the ability to remember really random things.

Not overly sure there's a job I can transfer those jobs to so until then I'm faffing about in payroll.

I am also mum to a teen and still not - and never will be - A Growed Up.

HearMyRoar · 28/01/2015 20:53

I'm 32, I have proper job, I would even go as far as to call it a promising career with excellent prospects for advancement. I still don't know what I want to do though!

I feel awfully ungrateful as I know I am very lucky to have the job I have but I never actually chose it. I just suddenly woke up one day and here I am.

I would like to do something I feel passionate about. Have no idea what that might be though

SurlyCue · 28/01/2015 21:09

I really want to feel like I'm doing something useful/meaningful (which would imply public sector)

It doesnt have to mean public sector. Its fine to be useful just to your family. You dont have to be slogging your guts out as a nurse.

You could go into finance if money is priority, although for big money it will be long hours.

Personally i would follow an interest for now and see what progression there is with that route.

Like i said, 8 months ago i had no idea i was even going back to education. Then i decided i needed to and followed my interest, this course has helped me see that my interest is not going to be my career path but i now know which one will be and have had great support to help me get there. Things could change but i'll take each step as it comes and im not worrrying too much about where i want to be as an end goal. I wasted far too many years thinking i should know and then failing to do anything while i waited to find out what that thing was. I dont think it exists for me so i'm just going to enjoy the journey to whereever i end up.

Bettybodybooboo · 28/01/2015 21:29

I am 51 and still no idea.

My life seems to revolve around pleasing everyone around me for the last 30 years as a wife and mum and taking jobs that fit around the family.

When you figure it out op let us into the secret!

FluffyRedSocks · 28/01/2015 21:34

This is very very reassuring!
I'm 23 with 2 dc under 2 and only worked for a few years in a crap job before having dc.
No idea what I'm doing with my life!
Think I want to be a chef, in fact I know I do, but with dc it's not very life compatible!

elQuintoConyo · 28/01/2015 21:44

I'm 40 in three months. I left UK in 1998 to travel and teach English - just for a laff and to be free escape stifling family

I'm still doing the same job, although not travelling, have stayed put ten years now.

The job isn't 'me' though. I still feels it is temporary, and it can be as part time/full time / freelance as I like.

I want to sew all day evety day, that'smy passion. But I can't see rag dolls on Etsy paying the bills

The thing is, though, that I'm not ambitious, never have been, never will be. Perhaps that's the key?

sliceofsoup · 28/01/2015 21:52

I am the same. I have the added issue of never being able to see anything through.

4 courses dropped out of. 3 jobs I left soon after starting. I am really intelligent. I just seem to keep sabotaging myself. I hold on to the hope I will find that one thing that clicks, but I don't think that is realistic.

Original poster

HelenaJustina · 29/01/2015 23:30

Wow, thank you for all the responses! Makes me feel much better to know I'm not alone...

Someone said they have siblings who 'are' things. I'm in the same situation.

I never thought I'd say 'all I am is a mother' and I don't really mean that, as my children are the best thing I will ever produce but I have (only very very recently) started feeling that I want to be something else as well.

OP posts:

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 29/01/2015 23:44

I've never had a vocation or a job I have really loved. My life out side of work makes me tick, work pays for it. Find a hobby you love. mines drinking

toffeeboffin · 30/01/2015 00:48

This thread is a relief! I still don't know what I want to be, I'm nearly 33.

All I know is that I'm too bright and unstimulated in my current admin job, but have not much clue about changing career! HR or PR interest me, my problem is ambition... I don't have much of it! But still think I should be the boss

Every job I have ever had doesn't feel like I make much of a difference, it's just pushing bits of paper around. Anyone else feel like this!?

ShadowsCollideCantLogInToMN · 30/01/2015 01:03

No, yanbu. I've recently turned 30 and have no clue what I'm doing with the rest of my life. I really, badly wanted to join the military, but my poxy useless body ruled that out. I'd love to study medicine, but I feel like I'm too old. I do a job, enjoy it, kind of, but feel like I'm wasting my life. I'm fiercely fucking intelligent (I know that sounds arrogant but I am). I'm wasting myself toiling away in a rubbish job.

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