Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday, instead of to a wedding

30 replies

Figuringitout · 26/01/2015 20:15

I feel very conflicted.
DH and I have had a really shit year and could do with some quality time together. Some friends will be in Cornwall over Easter, which also happens to be our wedding anniversary, and have invited us to join them. Our Dd gets on well with their Ds and we haven't seen them for ages so we agreed to go. They have booked, and were going to regardless of whether we come, but we've not booked anything yet.
We had just made these plans when we got a wedding invite - for the same weekend. We'd seen the friends socially, and knew the date, plus we'd received a 'save the date' card, but I had completely forgotten about the wedding. These are good friends and ordinarily I would have loved to go as some other old friends will be there. Dd is not invited, which normally would be a good excuse to get some drinking in with DH, but I am pregnant so can't do that.
AIBU to miss the wedding, which I know will upset my friend, to accept a more recent invite to go away.
P.S if we do go, how on earth shall I word it when letting her down??

OP posts:
loudarts · 26/01/2015 20:19

If you had already said you would be going to the wedding you should do it.

Bowlersarm · 26/01/2015 20:22

You confirmed verbally you would go to their wedding when you saw your friends, and they followed it up with a save the date card. You should go to the wedding.

TheRealMaryMillington · 26/01/2015 20:22

I think YABU to miss the wedding of a good friend.
Can you go to Cornwall before or after?

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 26/01/2015 20:25

I think you should do what you want. You get limited time to enjoy yourself with your family. Use it in the way that is best for your family.

MrsMaker83 · 26/01/2015 20:28

If you prefer the idea of a holiday then go on holiday ??

Some people take wedding invitations waaaaaay too seriously!

Original poster
Figuringitout · 26/01/2015 20:39

We could go to Cornwall another time - but our friends wouldn't be there then. It's just so annoying that it's the same weekend. I feel like we would be missed more if we didn't go to Cornwall, than if we didn't go to the wedding IYSWIM... But I know what you're saying and I think we should probably go to the wedding too....

OP posts:
TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 26/01/2015 21:05

don't go to the wedding if you don't want to. they won't miss you (really... there will be too much going on!) seriously, life is too short!! Send a nice gift, wish them well and enjoy your holiday Grin

TheRealMaryMillington · 26/01/2015 21:24

If someone had changed their mind about attending my wedding for a weekend away, I'd definitely have noticed and been gutted. But then we only had 50 guests (including kids) and all of them were close to one or both of us.

It depends if they are really good friends or not and a little on the scale of the celebrations.

worserevived · 26/01/2015 21:33

Go on holiday. The bride and groom won't mind, they are probably at this very moment arguing over who can/can't be invited, and will be glad you are freeing up a place. I know we all like to think we are really important and would be missed, but in reality, nope!

rinabean · 26/01/2015 21:36

Despite the save the date card you got the invite after you made these holiday plans. It's fine. it's not your sister or your daughter or something, your friends will have other friends there too. Obviously send a present and tell them ASAP though

fredfredgeorgejnr · 26/01/2015 21:36

Go to what you want to, which sounds like the holiday...

theeternalstudent · 26/01/2015 21:40

I'm old and gave up on social obligation a long time ago. Also I've been to so many weddings in my life and I've forgotten/lost touch with so many of the couples over the years.

A wedding is about someone else's dreams and future life together. Your obligation is to look after you and your families wellbeing and future. If that means going on holiday together and forgoing the wedding, then so be it.

Stickerrocks · 26/01/2015 21:44

If they are such good friends, why would they invite you without your DH? I'm with eternal on this one.

hoobypickypicky · 26/01/2015 21:45

theeternalstudent, you've put it beautifully.

Go on holiday, Figuringitout. Do what you want to do. It's someone else's wedding, not a royal summons, and you're a long time dead. Have a lovely break.

RandomNPC · 26/01/2015 21:55

Go on holiday. Weddings are shit.

Original poster
Figuringitout · 26/01/2015 21:56

DH is invited, DD not...
Thanks everyone for the comments and advice; I feel slightly less guilty for wanting to go away.
Now, I just need to pluck up some courage and work out what I am going to say to her..

OP posts:
Karoleann · 26/01/2015 22:10

I think you should go to the wedding, it sounds as if you'd already informally said yes and they are going to be upset if you don't.
You can go on holiday anytime - or invite your friends from Cornwall up to stay with you another time.

Stickerrocks · 26/01/2015 22:17

Oops, sorry, misread that bit. Then again, I'm Cornish, so I would always put any excuse for a weekend at home ahead of spending it elsewhere.

ChippingInLatteLover · 26/01/2015 22:20

It's your wedding anniversary... Some friends have booked a surprise weekend away for you to celebrate it together?! ...

DuchessDisaster · 26/01/2015 22:26

I don't think receiving a "save the date" card is the same as getting an invitation at all (and think these things are rather vulgar anyway).
I would send a formal response to the wedding invitation, regretting you are unable to attend due to a prior engagement.

TRexingInAsda · 26/01/2015 22:27

If you haven't RSVPd to the wedding, and you've told your friends you'll go with them to Cornwall (and that's what you want), then do that. I wouldn't go to a child free wedding anyway tbh - I already barely see the kids all week as I work, I want my weekends with them! So I imagine the couple will probably expect some people with kids not to go anyway.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 26/01/2015 22:29

Life is too short - be true to yourself and prioritise your family unit.

Absolutely . Down time is important - I would never be so precious as to expect somebody to miss out on a holiday for my wedding!

Go with your gut instinct - not with what people say on here - again life is too shortSmile

youmakemydreams · 26/01/2015 22:46

I'm not sure how pregnant you are but I know when I was pregnant all three times I would have found a day at a wedding uncomfortable and exhausting.

You will have a young child and another baby very soon. The holiday is probably just what you need.
And as an aside I am planning my wedding just now and like a poster up thread said we are worrying about who to invite. We are only inviting people close to us and already the wedding is too big. I would be disappointed if anyone wasn't able to attend but also would take a bit of pressure off as well.

Sn00p4d · 26/01/2015 22:52

We invited our friends to our small wedding (20 people) they accepted then booked a holiday to go away at the same time.
Can honestly say it didn't bother me they weren't there, I had more to do! We're still good friends, do what you like!

MaxPepsi · 26/01/2015 23:21

Save the dates don't necessarily mean an invite!
We mentioned our proposed wedding date to family and friends in advance as it was relatively short notice. People still double booked themselves. Didn't bother us, we just invited someone else!