To think "Love Bombing" sounds good at first....but then...

[MrsTawdry]

it sounds great at first but then you realise that the very first step of it is to offer your child tho choice of ANY thing they want to do at all.

How the feck is that practical?

My DD has been difficult lately and I just thought I'd google "love bombing" as I've heard it mentioned on MN a lot...i thought it would involve loads of affection or something but no...it's offering your child any time they want to spend with you doing as they choose.

My DD would choose something impossible to afford! I know she'd say "I want to go to Transylvania instead of school on Monday."

Have I got the wrong end of the stick?

Why oh why do we need a ' special ' name or time - just to be a parent?

Surely having fun , spending time with your children, doing things they enjoy is all part of being a parent.

I hate the way people are almost boasting in RL and Facebook ( I know ) twitter etc that they ' have gone to the park ' , ' built a Lego animal ' etc . REALLY , do they expect a medal !

Oh ! And another gripe - all the idiots that comment . ' your amazing hun ! ' --- ' little ?? Is lucky to have you ! ' ( vomit )

Sorry rant over .

I really rare Oliver James. I know some people don't because he can be very 'child first' and that doesn't always go down well with certain parents!

*really tate

*RATE FFS

indecisive That's interesting. I particularly liked the Lovebombing book because the pre-amble was very compassionate towards parents.

www.amazon.co.uk/Incredible-Years-Carolyn-Webster-Stratton/dp/1892222043/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1422189448&sr=1-1&keywords=webster+stratton+incredible+years

this is the only one thats been through clinical trials. Its similar to love bombing and involves 10 mins a day of child led play. So they get to choose something to play with and you play with them. You must not ask them questions or direct them while they are playing. You just make observations, its quite difficult at first, made a huge difference to my daughter.

skinon there are no brownie points for trying to be obtruce. Perhaps you intuitively act this way with your DCs, good for you. Other people need it spelt out. I certainly had not thought of it on my own and I am SAHM so hardly ignoring the DCs, while DH struggles to find the time to do the 20 minute thing even now that he knows about it.

Let's NOT compare it to 'date night ' it's a far far superior phenonemen !

Hate date night posts on Facebook they lift as well post 'planning to shag tonight ' Blench

Typos

Love Bombing the book by Oliver James, says that it is good for autistic children because Oliver James doesn't really believe in autism, or thinks ASD is over diagnosed.
He thinks it all comes down to 'attachment' and it's due to poor parenting.

So he recommends giving the child whatever they want to reinforce that supposed 'attachment problem '!!!!!!

My kids love their special 'in charge' days. Of course I play with them every day but I always have to do other, mundane stuff, plus look after the other 2 dcs.
For their last days ds1 (7) choose to play skylanders in the morning, go to the harvester for lunch and go to the cinema. Ds2 (4) wanted to go to Ikea and have meatballs and an ice cream! It's just them and me and they have my full attention just for a little while.

I did try this on ds hoping he would come up with some low key and charming home spun desires like other posters

He wants lego land (no) and every single lego mini figure ever (also no )

But shitty name aside it's a great concept

I think especially for the troubled ones . I find it all very touching

Really Chaise? I wonder if I've got an older version of the book, as I thought he said he hadn't tested it with ASD children...?

Didn't know he thought that about ASD. How disappointing.

Just checked my Kindle, and I can see that I missed the chapter on autism. Haven't finished reading it yet, but I can see why it's problematic already!

I know Is It Me.
It was in the copy I was given.
And I looked him up and he has written stuff about it - I can't recall if it's in his previous book or an article,but I talked about it with one of he Aspergers specialists and he too had come across it.

I think Oliver James generally is a crock of shite.

However, I have tried this idea with my DD and it works and is good.

Yes all parenting books are written for one reason and one reason only. To make money for the author.

date night getting a babysitter and going to the pub! You know like people have done since the year dot!

love bombing which DVD shall we watch ( while dh and I get slowly pissed)

We have tried a watered down version of this with our troubled DD2, (never read the book). Basically we have been a lot more overtly nice to her and focussed on her needs; as the quiet one with three demanding siblings and busy parents, I just think her voice wasn't being heard.

Just being more overtly loving has really turned things around with DD. Kids don't really notice if you spend hours ironing their school uniform. If you take them a hot chocolate with marshmallows when they are holed up in their rooms, then they feel much more cherished.

But Tinky that's what normal parents have always done!

Did you really need a book to tell you to make your dd a hot chocolate?

Of course not

[God I love Mumsnet

Aargh, posted too soon. Meant to say,

This sort of thread is why I love Mumsnet

Body, I'll be honest with you, nobody in my childhood would have made me a hot chocolate, ironed my school uniform yeah, but my parents weren't massive on the kindly little gestures. I never once felt unloved though.

DD on the other hand, thrives on this sort of thing, (eldest two are more in the hard faced, non fluffy, Tinkly vein, and don't appeared to have suffered from the lack of it).

I know someone who gave this a go with a massively unloved child , and it worked a treat as far as the child's ongoing behaviour was concerned . However the child in question's behaviour was appalling , not the run of the mill naughtiness , but head butting people and being totally off the wall with his levels of aggression . His behaviour had desperation written all over it

Mumsnet exists and is incredibly successful because actually not all parents manage to do these things instinctively.

Maybe they were brought up by authoritative parents and didn't enjoy it. Maybe they are only children trying to raise siblings, maybe they are completely bowled over by difficult children (or are just amazed that somehow their children hatched as their own person and not as biddable little dolls).

Whatever the situation, yes some people do need to be reminded to spend time with their children.

And do you know what, love bombing is a new concept to me. It certainly isn't how I was brought up.

And you could call it "time with a parent 100% focused on the child's desires" but that is 18 syllables.The way language works is that we try and find the shortest way of expressing concepts. So it is called love bombing and if you are struggling - or your children are - it is bloody brilliant.

Very pleased for those of you that are naturally brilliant at this parenting business. Personally, I am actually quitea good mum but I have had lots of help from books/mumsnet /parenting courses and it takes constant effort.

Exactly Special, I have four kids, run my own business, volunteer and am generally a pretty busy person. To be honest, sometimes the squeaky wheel got the oil. I have always been a fairly no nonsense sort of parent, I was a SAHM and they got all my attention when they were little, but I expected them to be fairly self reliant as they got older.
My eldest two have grown up very confident and capable, DC3 much less so. She has required a totally different strategy and the lovebombing thing has worked very well.
Well done to those of you who have all the parenting answers. Personally I think a willingness to learn will always stand you in good stead.