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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think "Love Bombing" sounds good at first....but then...

85 replies

MrsTawdry · 24/01/2015 23:01

it sounds great at first but then you realise that the very first step of it is to offer your child tho choice of ANY thing they want to do at all.

How the feck is that practical?

My DD has been difficult lately and I just thought I'd google "love bombing" as I've heard it mentioned on MN a lot...i thought it would involve loads of affection or something but no...it's offering your child any time they want to spend with you doing as they choose.

My DD would choose something impossible to afford! I know she'd say "I want to go to Transylvania instead of school on Monday."

Have I got the wrong end of the stick?

OP posts:

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 24/01/2015 23:35

YABU to think that it sounded good, at first, or ever.

fromparistoberlin73 · 24/01/2015 23:41

Pooh people are so scathing

Yes it's a shit name . And the fact that we need to be trailed to spend 1:1 time with our kids is very telling

But we live in an ever busy hectic world . And being mindful and focused on your troubled child can only be a good thing for everyone

WorraLiberty · 24/01/2015 23:46

Of course it's a good thing but it's something parents have done since time began.

I think we all know when our kids are down or we feel guilty because we haven't been able to spend enough 1 on 1 time with them.

I just find terms like this a bit silly, patronising and most of all, over thought.

"What do you fancy doing at the weekend?" is now known as love bombing

AalyaSecura · 24/01/2015 23:50

Aw, we occasionally have 'boys in charge' day (when I can be bothered and enthused enough, which isn't often). They get that what they choose has to be realistic, and I will still say no if it isn't, but, blimey, they absolutely love it. Might do another one on the next inset day.

Topseyt · 24/01/2015 23:54

I've always been dubious about all of these methods with fancy names.

I don't like faddy things like that and I don't do pink and fluffy style parenting.

I've vaguely heard of it before, but It doesn't attract me. Not my style and not my kids' styles either.

wishmiplass · 25/01/2015 00:01

Topseyt You sound fun

Topseyt · 25/01/2015 02:46

Oh I am, wishmiplass, I am.

ithoughtofitfirst · 25/01/2015 05:01

I quite like the idea but I'd thought, for some reason, it was for children with very serious behavioural problems or with some kind of PTSD. Seems a bit OTT for day to day parenting.

Yarp · 25/01/2015 06:08

I also don't get why people are being quite so sniffy.

"Quality time" is, in itself a new name for something else!

It's a way of putting your child in the centre and "being in the moment" with them when divisions have grown between you.

ThursdayLast · 25/01/2015 06:53

I thought 'love bombing' was a response to bad behaviour. Have I misunderstood?

Because I think 1:1 time is great, but y'know, not if I've just been bitten or ignored or whatever
(Disclaimer DS is 2)

hesterton · 25/01/2015 07:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

suboptimal · 25/01/2015 07:11

As a LP of an only child I think I must do this 24/7!

Poor dd is desperate to get rid of me half the time

Booboostoo · 25/01/2015 07:17

It's a shame posters are ridiculing this technique as it has its place for some children.

Greenspan in his "The Challenging Child" has a very similar idea of asking the parent to spend 20mins a day on a play activity the child has chosen. Some of our time with our DCs is spent working towards specific goals which we set, e.g. Brushing teeth, putting on clothes, eating breakfast to get to school. Some of our time is fun time but it is often led by our (well meaning) choices, e.g. let's go to the cinema. What is different about this idea is that the activity is chosen by the child - even the love bombing literature saya 'within reason' so there is no need for ridiculous examples.

I have found it works really well for my DD since the arrival of DS as it allows her to have special time with me. Something about giving DD control over this small activity has made her feel more secure and settled overall.

Peacocklady · 25/01/2015 08:18

I do this but I say choose what you want to do but within reason and discuss some ideas, just to help them know what's out there. Then that time is devoted to them.

skinoncustard · 25/01/2015 09:02

Can't be a *d with all this twaddle ,
Love bombing, Datenight , Quality time ????
Too busy living my life!

clam · 25/01/2015 09:09

Date Night has got to be the most cringe-worthy term of the last decade.

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 25/01/2015 09:18

Agree with PP who said often their desires are very humble. And the one who said often it's a version of "be with me while I play" that they want.

I did it with DD (we had been having a bit of a tough time - DS2 born with heart condition/major ops, then diagnosed ASD) and she wasn't getting enough of my attention - too often having to wait/just get on with things. She was basically resorting to seeking negative attention and things were spiralling. I had been trying one on one time, but I'd been "in charge" of deciding what the outings would be. The difference with the love bombing is that they feel they get to decide for once - it's not imposed.

So we went away for a night with a cheap deal hotel. What she wanted was to go on a bike ride with me and go swimming, and for me to sit with her while she played Pokemon on her DS. All very simple. But somehow it made a huge difference to her and completely transformed our relationship.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 25/01/2015 09:39

I just asked my kids what they'd like to do this morning. Answer go on scooters to playground. That's what we are going to do. I quite like asking them rather than always choosing for them.

Catzeyess · 25/01/2015 09:50

I think its a sweet idea.

When I was a kids we did a holiday at home type thing. There were 5 of us, mum, dad and three kids and so for a week we each got to pick the activity for the day: we did a car museum, a zoo, Kew gardnes, go ape and a stately home. When we got home we played board games watched films etc and the persons who's day it was got to pick the game/film and everyone else had to join in. Was so much fun! One of the best holidays as a kid.

BathtimeFunkster · 25/01/2015 09:59

DD (6) said that she wanted a sleepover, which on further questioning turned out to mean that she wanted the family (me, ds, dh) to come and sleep in her room overnight. We did - it was fun!

:) :) :) :)

Thank you. For some reason reading that has put me in a really good mood.

WD41 · 25/01/2015 09:59

The name may be cheesy but the idea isn't moronic. It's just spending time together and letting the child choose the activity. Within reason obviously!

And if people have children who are so demanding that they literally would expect a trip to Paris rather than being content watching a film together or whatever, perhaps they need to address how spoilt their children are.

TwatFaceBitch · 25/01/2015 10:09

I'm not sure anyone is slating the idea (now we know what it is) I think they are being snippy about the whole New concept label being stuck on.....well, old common sence parenting

CaffeLatteIceCream · 25/01/2015 10:25

I think people are misunderstanding what "love bombing" is and how it can help in certain circumstances.

Firstly, it is a technique for children who may have developed emotional problems of some description...perhaps because of divorce, or difficulties at school, anything like that. Anything that may be making them feel unimportant or overlooked. And it's a chance for the parents to reconnect with them if it's felt needed.

It does NOT say "tell them they can do anything they want" - that's nuts.

You take them out of their normal day to day lives, away from the rest of the family, and focus on them completely for a day or two, doing activties centred around them and being entirely emotionally available to them and only them.

It's not wanky or new age-y. It's eminently sensible.

And I would imagine lots of parents do this automatically anyway - how many recently seperated mums on the relationship boards talk about "me & DD time" (or whatever) as a way to cope with Daddy fucking off to his OW?

ithoughtofitfirst · 25/01/2015 11:04

I think I'm more confused than I should be.

Topseyt · 25/01/2015 11:11

It is the terminology given to it that does it no favours.

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