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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to back out of this hen do?

75 replies

Hennightpanic · 21/01/2015 23:37

Back in October I agreed to go on a hen do. I asked the organiser at the time whether there would be any male strippers etc and she said no. Now with six weeks to go it turns out that part of the entertainment is indeed a male strippers show. I really really strongly don't want to do this, how bad would it be to drop out do you think?

OP posts:
Middleagedmotheroftwo · 21/01/2015 23:42

She lied to you. I think it would be reasonable for you to drop out. I wouldn't want to go either.

DodgedAnAsbo · 21/01/2015 23:42

Back out. Don't give any reasons, you don't want a reputation as a stuck-up-stickybeet
organisers soon get used to no-gos and don't make an issue of it. usually

ilovesooty · 21/01/2015 23:42

I would. It isn't the entertainment you agreed to in the first place. Make it quite clear why you're not going though.

LoisDrankMyTableDecoration · 21/01/2015 23:48

Strippers are usually only there about 20mins, what else is happening on the night? Could you maybe sneak out at the stripper part? Thats what I do.

RandomNPC · 21/01/2015 23:49

Ugh, tacky.

PresidentTwonk · 21/01/2015 23:50

I would make a stand and not go and make it very clear why. That's not entertainment Confused that's real men, real people dancing naked for other people's entertainment....... Hmm

Original poster
Hennightpanic · 21/01/2015 23:50

Trouble is that the "show" also includes a buffet dinner, so I end up missing out on the food if I stay away from that part

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 21/01/2015 23:51

Ugh tacky I hate that kind of rubbish does the rest of it sound ok?

Original poster
Hennightpanic · 21/01/2015 23:57

Cocktail making and a club so the rest is ok

OP posts:
ManyMayhem · 21/01/2015 23:58

I think you can back out. I would flat out refuse to see strippers. I'm not a prude but I find strippers (male or female) sleezy and tacky.

I'd let them know ASAP.

AWholeLottaNosy · 22/01/2015 00:02

Depends how close you are to your friend really. If she's a good friend how come you can't talk to her about it?

Original poster
Hennightpanic · 22/01/2015 00:03

There seems to
be some suggestion that people dropping out could lead to the whole event being cancelled, which would make me feel very guilty

OP posts:
LoisDrankMyTableDecoration · 22/01/2015 00:03

Has anyone experienced the hell that is naked butlers? Yucky and awkward. Shame you will miss the night out op but don't go if you won't feel comfortable.

BiteySwan · 22/01/2015 00:05

Then maybe you need to make it very clear that your attending is conditional on there NOT being strippers. Cocktail making is fine and takes plenty of time, especially with a decent-sized group. You don't actually NEED strippers as well.

Summerisle1 · 22/01/2015 00:06

I'm not keen on strippers either and I've just declined an invitation to a "Ladies Night" and have been told that I don't know how to have fun. I do. But I also know that this isn't my idea of fun.

You were told that there weren't going to be strippers when you accepted the invitation and clearly, things have changed. So that's an acceptable reason to disinvite yourself! However, it may be difficult to cherry pick the bits of this hen-do that you find acceptable so if you don't want the stripping you've almost certainly got to accept that you don't get the buffet dinner. I guess it depends on which is the least worst of the options. Cope with the stripping in order to get the meal or do without the meal but don't have to tolerate the stripping.

If you do decide to bale out, best to say so sooner rather than later though.

FightOrFlight · 22/01/2015 00:44

I went to see male strippers as part of a charity evening once.

I was one of the 'lucky' ladies who was dragged out to be part of the performance. Never, and I repeat never again.

I still get dreadful flashbacks at the mere whiff of baby oil Sad

YANBU to tell them you aren't going.

elizaCBR · 22/01/2015 01:53

Absolutely cancel. Hopefully in a generation we can be rid of this terrible, tacky as fuck tradition.

HelenaDove · 22/01/2015 01:57

AWholeLottaNosy good friends dont tell lies

HelenaDove · 22/01/2015 01:58

Agree with eliza and ManyMayhem.

Sceptimum · 22/01/2015 05:39

It's a nasty situation but the night is more about the hen than you. I'd just ask for a heads-ups beforehand and leave the room before the strippers come. There's no real right and wrong here but the organiser should have been honest.

Altinkum · 22/01/2015 06:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Hennightpanic · 22/01/2015 06:10

I'll just never understand the appeal, I really can't think of anything worse ??

OP posts:
nooka · 22/01/2015 06:12

I'd email/phone the organiser and say that you've heard that there will be strippers and as you've already said that was a no go for you you will reluctantly not be able to come. If a few people say the same then yes plans may well have to be changed, but I am sure that there are other activities that could be organised instead.

Don't feel bad, you made it clear that you don't like strippers and the organiser didn't listen to you/disregarded your concerns, it's her risk to run in organising it anyway. I doubt you are the only person who isn't keen.

Original poster
Hennightpanic · 22/01/2015 06:31

I thought you'd all tell me to get over myself!

OP posts:
maddy68 · 22/01/2015 06:35

I'm going to tell you to get over yourself :)

It really isn't about you. This is about a friend who you care about and she cares about you that wants you to be part of her celebration

This is about her not you

I also hate strippers but I have gone along to please others. Tbh while boaky
It was also not on for very long and the rest of the evening was great

You can always go to the loo while it's on and hover outside the room until it's over. That way you don't niss the food etc