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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to back out of this hen do?

75 replies

Hennightpanic · 21/01/2015 23:37

Back in October I agreed to go on a hen do. I asked the organiser at the time whether there would be any male strippers etc and she said no. Now with six weeks to go it turns out that part of the entertainment is indeed a male strippers show. I really really strongly don't want to do this, how bad would it be to drop out do you think?

OP posts:

FreeWee · 22/01/2015 09:19

It is about the hen but of course no hen would surely want to put her friend in a situation the friend is uncomfortable with and has expressly checked before agreeing. As a PP said it could be about clowns, or heights or swimming even. If you don't like doing something, have checked that that activity won't be going on, then get told part of the day will be spent doing that thing you don't want to do then I think you have every right to drop out. If I was invited on a hen do and there was talk of paintballing I'd say count me in except for any paintballing activity. If I was told no paintballing and then later was told oh we'll be doing paintballing after we do (say) the white water rafting I'd agreed to, I'd say nope sorry count me out. And if it was too much hassle to do one but not the other (hours of waiting around on my own for example) I might just sack off the whole event.

If possible can you go to the other bits without the stripper buffet? (dear God how unhygienic does that sound??) If not I think you have every right to pull out and the consequences (i.e. costs) should be borne by the person who lied to you.

Only1scoop · 22/01/2015 09:22

Don't think I'd fancy that buffet anyway. Just let organiser know ASAP if you don't wish to go so she can't moan.

Deoni · 22/01/2015 09:26

a muller light

WTF

DeliciousMonster · 22/01/2015 09:27

'Oh, no sorry - I don't DO strippers. Hope you all have a great night'.

Simples.

MissDuke · 22/01/2015 09:29

Its up to you op. You aren't close, so don't feel guilty about cancelling. I wonder if the 'numbers' issue is in relation to the cocktail making? A friend went to a hen party that did this, and they all ended up covering the cost of those who didn't turn up

If you WANT to go, then go and just make a swift exit for the time the strippers are there. Or just make it clear you are only going at the start - is there a meal first? However if you decide not to go then don't feel bad, 6 weeks is plenty of notice to give.

kaykayred · 22/01/2015 09:30

God, hearing the anecdotes I am feeling totally relieved that I have never been to any shows!

FreeWee - you're totally right. On reflection, it doesn't sound at all hygienic!

RandomNPC · 22/01/2015 09:32

Don't eat the sausage rolls

Only1scoop · 22/01/2015 09:33

And duck the baby oil random squirts wouldn't want that on your crudités.

ghostyslovesheep · 22/01/2015 09:44

maybe they use naice olive oil

expatinscotland · 22/01/2015 09:53

Yuck. I would back out.

marshmallowpies · 22/01/2015 10:26

I would add that if the original invite was October, it's perfectly possible for the organiser to have forgotten what you said - I don't think I'd go back in a big strop and say 'I DID tell you I don't do strippers', I'd just say, 'sorry, you might have forgotten, strippers really aren't my thing'.

Surely it's better for them not to have someone sitting in the corner clearly hating it? Problem is if she hasn't checked with all the others I bet there'll be others cringing and hating it too...

windchime · 22/01/2015 11:43

Blimey. I would kill to be in a room with a naked adult male right now

Original poster

Hennightpanic · 22/01/2015 12:19

No need to kill
Windchime I think it's something you can book

OP posts:

MsPoodleLover · 22/01/2015 12:38

A few years ago a friend of mine was arranging her hen night. I told her in advance that if she wanted strippers that was up to her but if she did I would not go, no offence intended. She said that she was thinking of having one but changed it at the last minute because quite of a few of the women said they wouldnt go and we all had a great time without that. I am one of those women who isnt ashamed to say that I would not want my husband to have a naked woman girating in his lap or anywhere for that matter so there is no way I would go and see a male stripper. Dont be embarrassed, we are all entitled to our own opinions and standards where this is concerned. Give her some money to buy a drink if you drop out, that was my next move with my mate. Besides that, I was around 45 at the time so I think I would look pretty pervy and stupid leering at a 20 odd year old guy! Again that is IMHO

marshmallowpies · 22/01/2015 13:50

MsPoodleLover my DH got wind of a plot to take him to a strip club for his stag do - not even his official stag do, he had already done a pub crawl in London, but he was at a conference with some friends who thought they'd arrange to 'kidnap' him. He got wind of it and vetoed the whole thing. I was so proud of him - not that he's a prude, just more the fact he stuck to his guns and made clear he didn't want to be press ganged into something that wasn't his cup of tea.

specialsubject · 22/01/2015 13:57

sounds the night from hell anyway. Alternate extreme boredom (mixing drinks???) and horrific shrieking.

Leaving the country doesn't seem too extreme a reaction to get out of this!

Lovecat · 22/01/2015 14:03

I feel immensely hypocritical over this issue because I went to see the Dreamboys as part of my hen night (age 24, 1991). We all thought it would be a laugh, it was actually incredibly sleazy and uncomfortable and now, at age 48, there is no way I'd go to see anything similar - and that was, as Kaykayred said, a choreographed stage show where they kept their g-strings on at all times (this was pre-The Full Monty and that sort of thing just didn't happen).

And by God, they STANK! I think someone had told them that women find the smell of sweat irresistible, so they all without exception reeked of BO. Which was sexy (not).

YANBU OP.

wonkylegs · 22/01/2015 14:05

DH went to a stag do in Prague that included going to a strip club for a few hours. He opted out of that bit as he is very anti it and went for a walk and drink and joined them later in the bar.

There were male strippers at my hen do - it was a show kinda thing in a local club. It was tacky as hell but definitely an experience. It didn't bother me as I used to date a guy who was a stripper (I didn't know until we were in a relationship, he had another more regular job too and was one of the reasons we broke up) so knew what it was going to be like but I think it was an eye opener for some of my more straight laced friends. One of them who really didn't want to be part of it just sat at the bar throughout and it didn't botherer me or her. She then joined us in the club and laughed about it with us.

LL12 · 22/01/2015 14:22

Don't blame you for not wanting to go, I fell asleep at a 'Chippingdales' show once, it was very boring.

whathavewedonenow99 · 22/01/2015 14:43

Years (and years and years!) ago, at my own hen night, during the evening I discovered that my supposed BF had organised a stripper. (Another friend who had only found out about the stripper decided to warn me.) BF knew I didn't like them, never watched them and didn't join in with the baying herd when they appeared at any club (or disco in those days :)). I actually felt sick at the thought of being put on a chair in the middle of the dancefloor and being stripped around. Turned out that the stripper couldn't find the place we were at and so didn't show. It really ruined the evening for me as I couldn't relax and when I think back to what should have been a fun night it is always marred by the queasy feeling I still get when I think of what could have been. (Starting to sound quite melodramatic now!) Sounds very silly but I never did trust her after that as she KNEW how I felt and even after being told by me months before that I absolutely did not want a stripper anywhere near me she still organised it.

I always felt that I was made to feel like the 'bore' who didn't want to have fun.

I'm surprised to realise how much this still annoys me even after all these years!

GokTwo · 22/01/2015 14:47

I went to the hen night of a young family friend. She is a lovely girl and all her friends had organised this night and we insistent that she would love a stripper. They booked one. He arrived, everyone including the hen recoiled, it was absolutely excruciating. I can't imagine why people find this fun. I don't blame you at all. Is there an option of leaving the room when the stripper comes in?!

GokTwo · 22/01/2015 14:49

Sorry, didn't read this properly. You can't leave because it's an actual stripper show. Just politely decline, you were mislead.

Original poster

Hennightpanic · 22/01/2015 16:15

There's a hope of a change of activity. Fingers crossed!

OP posts:

MsPoodleLover · 23/01/2015 13:26

Marshmallow - I bet you were proud, I would have been. Well done him!

I am now on my second marriage. When we had our hen and stag night we had a joint one and it was brilliant. I have friends who are men and women so I didnt want to exclude the men from mine and DH the same so no one was excluded. It worked out great and everyone had a great time

WellDidYa · 23/01/2015 13:39

"I asked the organiser at the time whether there would be any male strippers etc and she said no"

and you said you'd go

shes now changed it to yes
so you can also change your mind

(although you said theres a change of activity etc)

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