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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH drinks too much

59 replies

Marphe · 19/01/2015 19:47

He doesn't drink everyday, just at weekends, which means Fri, Sat, Sun.

When he drinks he will have a whole bottle of wine, unless I'm sharing, in which case he'll have some brandy or whisky after the bottle's empty.

He doesn't suffer from any nasty personality change, you'd never really know he'd been drinking, still carries on with chores (did all the ironing with his bottle last night!) doesn't drink until after the DC are in bed wouldn't dream of drinking if he's got to drive etc so there's not really anything for me to complain about as such. The main reasons it bothers me are:

  • It's too much to be good for his health
  • He drinks so much and his body is so accustomed to it that there don't appear to be any ill effects - you should notice the difference when someone's had a whole bottle IMO
  • When he drinks he snores - this is selfishly my main bugbear. I've told him countless times and he either doesn't believe me or doesn't care. He knew that today I had some important meetings (to me) and I've had to sit through them on hardly any sleep

So, is he drinking too much and AIBU to think that, especially on a Sunday night, he should be more considerate and rein it in so that I can sleep?

OP posts:
Molotov · 19/01/2015 20:01

So, he drinks a whole bottle over 3 days, or one bottle on each of the three days? (I'm guessing its the last one but want to be clear).

He might carry on well enough having had that much to drink, but I would be concerned about his liver function.

Do you think he might be telling himself that this is okay because 1) he only drinks at weekends
2) he would share the alcohol with you if you wanted it

Basically, is he telling himself this is okay because it's not an everyday habit and he's not binge drinking? (I think I might call it binge drinking but I'm no expert).

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/01/2015 20:05

Sorry, not quite clear from your op, is he drinking a bottle each night?

The snoring thing I empathise with in a big way. My DH snores after a drink too. He's lucky I haven't smothered him yet.

Original poster
Marphe · 19/01/2015 20:05

Yes, one bottle per night

Yes, I think it's binge drinking, he doesn't because he's not rolling drunk.

It's OK in his mind because it's not every day. i.e. he can manage without it perfectly well (which he can) and he enjoys it, rather than needs it, at weekends.

If I'm honest, my main problem with it is the snoring (especially when I have a big day the following day) but I also have concerns for his health.

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 19/01/2015 20:05

I personally think there is nothing wrong here ie the drinking amount (you really need to go some to put your liver at risk unless there's a weakness there already)

The thing here is his snoring isnt it?

Tinks42 · 19/01/2015 20:08

Whack him and tell him to move onto his side or go sleep in the lounge Grin

Tinks42 · 19/01/2015 20:09

him, not you by the way.

Original poster
Marphe · 19/01/2015 20:10

Oh I do Tinks. A good hard kick gives me a 5 min reprieve

OP posts:
Cat2014 · 19/01/2015 20:14

Over recommended limits but as he's having 4 dry days a week I don't think it's too terrible. I might try and encourage him to cut down a bit (maybe stick to a total of 2 bottles of wine over the 3 days, with no whiskey?) but I wouldn't worry too much.

LadyLuck10 · 19/01/2015 20:14

Yanbu, a bottle a night definitely isn't normal.

Tinks42 · 19/01/2015 20:15

Then tell him to go sleep elsewhere then because you want a peaceful Sunday night sleep.

Are you tee-total? or drink very little?

See, I like a few myself and there is always going to be a bone of contention between the two.

SacredHeart · 19/01/2015 20:17

It's not a great amount to drink in a night but not a shocking amount.

If it worries you or you don't think it's a good thing for him to be doing just talk it over with him....can't hurt.

Original poster
Marphe · 19/01/2015 20:18

I love a drink Tinks, but mostly only on a Friday night.

OP posts:
Bumpandkind · 19/01/2015 20:18

I come from a family of big drinkers so this sounds positively saintly! My husband sinks 3 cans a night and much more on a weekend. You wouldn't know He'd touched a drop when he has 'just' the 3 cans.

However yes the snoring is hideous isn't it? No advice just sympathy.

jasmineramsden · 19/01/2015 20:20

Over recommended limits yes, but I don't think I'd be toooo bothered by this. If, as you say his personality isn't affected, he gets on with things at home as normal and he's not drinking through the week I would not object I don't think. Keep an eye though in case he slips into the habit of more and/or more often. Is cost an issue?

Original poster
Marphe · 19/01/2015 20:23

No, the cost doesn't cause us an issue and this is practically the only money he spends on himself.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 19/01/2015 20:25

Would he cut it out on the Sunday night so you can get a decent night's sleep?

Other than that I don't see a problem.

Cat2014 · 19/01/2015 20:27

Lady Luck, it's not a bottle every night - it's a bottle 3 nights with 4 dry days. Not great but not awful imo

Original poster
Marphe · 19/01/2015 20:28

Well he might do now I've made my feeling v clear!! He doesn't do conflict well though, so ATM he's just keeping out of the way and making himself useful. I must try not to take too much advantage Grin

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 19/01/2015 20:30

At 21 units (3 bottles of wine) that's within government guidelines, although he should spread it over another day or two.

Tinks42 · 19/01/2015 20:34

To be honest he sounds lovely OP. So what if he snores on a Sunday. Just tell him to sleep somewhere else. Its not a massive issue in my book.

Original poster
Marphe · 19/01/2015 20:38

I know Tinks. Was a very tough day today.

Erm...Bowlers, every bottle on my rack says it contains at least 9.5 units per bottle, which make nearly 30 units per week.

OP posts:
whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 19/01/2015 20:38

A bottle of wine is about 9-10 units so maybe 30 units a week. It's above government guidelines but as they are a made up limit in the first place I wouldn't worry too much.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 19/01/2015 20:39

I'm not sure id be able to get too worked up about this. My DH snores when he's had a drink too and it's bloody irritating. I use silicone ear plugs to block it out as I don't think it would be fair to tell him not to drink because he snores (would make him go in the spare room but we don't have one!).

mooth · 19/01/2015 20:44

For heaven's sake, that's hardly excessive.

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