To tell DP that he shouldnt get the say on when and where I can do my hobby?

[AlicesChainz]

Last year my grandma gave all her grand kids £100 each with the instructions to "do something meaningful with it."

I decided to take the opportunity to rejoin martial arts after a 4 year gap, so with the money I paid or the uniform, license and have since been using it to pay for club fees of £3 a session. The club holds sessions on almost every night of the week however DP has said I'm only to go twice a week max otherise we'll "never see each other". The sessions are only 1-2 hours long but anyway I agreed. Now, on certain days of the week the sessions are held at our local leisure center 10 minutes away. On Sundays they're held at a community hall 20 minutes away. DP has said that these two are the only ones I am to attend as the other one is half hour drive away.

Last night I told him that due to work and other commitments (one of which is a date night with him when one of my usual sessions is on!) I am thinking about going to the one that is half hour away as a one off to make up for missed sessions. He said no and that I'm not to start making a habit of "that".

AIBU to think this is really not ok?? I am paying for the sessions myself so money is not an issue and I'm missing other sessions meaning we are not spending more time apart. He just seems to think he has the final decision on everything and I've got that used to it that I find myself actually going along with it until I sit and think about it!

He's behaving like a controlling arse. You're an adult, you can do what you want! Is this part of a general pattern then?

I can see both sides here. On the one hand, it's your money and you're a grown up. Dictating what you can and can't could be overly controlling.
BUT he's your DP and he's (badly) expressing that he wants time with you and doesn't want to have to fight for your time. I think if the genders were reversed it would seem quite unreasonable to not be wiling to miss one session for a date without it eating into other family time.

Sorry not very helpful. But try to see his Pov.

Are you the poster who has an unusually friendly relationship with her instructor? Is that what your DH actually has a problem with?

If not, then YANBU unless it stops him doing something he usually does because he has to have the children. Even then, he is still not in charge and of course doesn't get to just say no.

What is his reasoning? Have you got small kids that you're leaving him with during the witching hour of bath and bed? Which I might have some sympathy with...

Because if not it sounds very much like he's being unreasonable...

Is he like this about other things?

didn't you post about your husband not liking your instructor texting you late at night enquiring about your whereabouts

Don't think my DP would consider he had the right to tell me not to do something. He could certainly ask me to think about the amount of time I might be spending away from home/him/DC - but certainly one partner shouldn't be dictating in this fashion to another (in any equal partnership).

Do you have DC?

No we have no small children and have not posted about an overly friendly relationship with instructor! he's in his 60s, I'm early 30s

I'd be very upset if DH wanted to leave me alone every night/most nights for his hobby. I'd really miss his company.

Could you not do a hobby together?

It sounds like he is sub-consciously punishing you for having leisure time. And worse, spending time away from the house.

I find a lot of blokes are happy to pursue their hobby (even if it is only watching sport on TV) but get gravely offended if their wife also has a hobby.

I suspect he doesn't like the fact that he is not your sole focus. A lot of men think their wife should focus on him, kids, house (in that order) and there should not be any time left from there for you to spend any time on your own.

I weight train - DH is thrilled when I return all sweaty from the gym...

It's hardly most nights becky, it's twice a week! and in the past two weeks I haven't been at all as I'm restricted to the two venues DP "allows" which have clashed with work and various other things. I've asked him to join me and he's not interested.

I think two nights a week sounds perfectly reasonable. The poor blossom should be able to amuse himself, possibly even cook dinner for them both, in the time.
He sounds quite needy for an adult. Does he have a hobby?

He's acting like your dad!

I really wonder why you're in a relationship
with a 30 year age gap, it very rarely works that much of a gap.

As you get older its only going to piss you off more

I couldn't live with someone who reminded me so strongly of my dad BTW OP.

I think it's the instructor that's in his 60s Laurie.

Hmm, I always wonder why someone would want to be in a relationship with someone 30 years younger with themselves if it wasn't about control.

Xp with skating

Yanbu. Tell him to get a hobbie.

Oh god if he's the same age as you then tell him to do one.

What on earth are you doing acting as if it's needed for him to give permission!

Raise an eyebrow! Or a finger whenever he starts on

OP there was a very similar thread a couple of weeks ago - is this the first time you have posted about it.

he's not 60, the instructor is lol

I play a team sport twice weekly, one which means I don't come home until 11 pm and means that husband has to cook his own dinner And I take his car

(Similar situation to you, 30s, no children).

If he told me I couldn't go, I'd laugh.

no he has no hobbies

No hobbies?
Except You.

Oh dear, how long has he been your DP?