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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be a bit upset about my friend's reaction to no babysitter

77 replies

ewecaaaNT · 19/01/2015 00:34

My closest friend recently got engaged and is planning the wedding for a couple of years time and has asked me to be MOH. Obviously she's very excited and wants to do everything now .

There's a wedding fair next weekend she wants us to go to however I've been unable to get a babysitter for my 2 year old DD. I told her this the other day but said that we could still go but DD would have to come too. I know it's not ideal but I thought it would be better than me not going at all. My friend didn't appear too happy about it, got a bit huffy and left to go home shortly afterwards (much earlier than expected).

I appreciate it's not ideal however my DD would be in her buggy and not running around etc. I don't know, just feeling a bit torn! My friend is childless so I know she won't always get how hard it can be to try and juggle everything with friends etc but I sometimes feel she thinks my child is something that's just "there" and a bit of hindrance IYSWIM.

OP posts:

TheRealAmandaClarke · 19/01/2015 07:28

Thing is, a cute toddler might detract attention from the btbs there

dollius · 19/01/2015 07:31

Bollocks to "I can see your friend's side", what's OP meant to do, leave 2-year-old DD to fend for herself?

Either friend sucks it up (and preferably be nice about it) or she goes on her own.

McKayz · 19/01/2015 07:36

Why are people asking about the DD's father? Surely if he could have her then the OP wouldn't have started this thread in the first place?

A 2 year old would probably be very bored at a wedding fair. But if the OP has no one to have her DD then she can suggest taking her or missing this one and finding a different one another time.

If she wants you to be her MOH then she will have to get used to the fact your DD tags along for some things and that you will have to miss some things.

SoupDragon · 19/01/2015 07:38

said that we could still go but DD would have to come too

Seems like the OP was saying her DD had to come. There don't seem to be any options offered like taking another friend etc.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2015 07:38

Yanbu at all, be careful, she could be turning into a Bridezilla.

SoupDragon · 19/01/2015 07:41

How on earth is not being happy about taking a bored 2 year old to a ending fair being a potential Bridezilla? All the friend seems to have done is to be unhappy at the prospect.

SoupDragon · 19/01/2015 07:41

Wedding fair, not ending fair.

diddl · 19/01/2015 07:42

TBH, I'd be jumping for joy that I had a reason not to go

I think you need to decline, OP.

Bride might be huffy, you'll probably want to leave ASAP, your daughter probably won't enjoy herself.

i can see why she's disappointed, but other peoples lives won't stop just because she's getting married!

SoupDragon · 19/01/2015 07:50

I'd be jumping for joy that I had a reason not to go

Oh, me too. Although I would have made an effort to appear to enjoy it for the benefit of a close friend. The thought of doing it with a buggy bound toddler in tow fills me with horror.

diddl · 19/01/2015 07:50

"Seems like the OP was saying her DD had to come. There don't seem to be any options offered like taking another friend etc."

Well, yes the daughter does have to go if the bride wants the OP there.

Surely it's up to the bride to decide yes to that or to ask someone else

Or is OP supposed to do all the bride's thinking for her?

FlossyMoo · 19/01/2015 07:53

YABU because you are upset your friend is huffy.

Having no babysitter is not your fault but your friend would have a picture in her head of you two enjoying the fair, taking notes, planning etc. All she will see now is a crying, demanding 2 yo who will take away your attention (not saying your DD will be like this just that most childless people see children like this) and it won't be fun.
Give her time to think about it, maybe research some other fairs and arrange childcare in advance so that she can see you do want to go to fairs with her.

Other peoples lives shouldn't stop because she is getting married but nor should other peoples lives stop because you have a child.

Mammanat222 · 19/01/2015 07:57

Friend recently got engaged and is obviously excited. This is normal and understandable.

If its going to be a 2 year engagement though I don't see the massive hurry to get to this bridal fair? Surely there are loads of them?

It was short notice and you offered her an alternative so your conscience should be clear OP although I have to agree that taking a 2 year old to an event like this is madness, my 26 month old would hate it

I'd call her, apologise and see if she is able to take someone else.... Maybe find out when one of the big London fairs are and suggest you make a day of it? I would also make a real point of telling her now though that DD means you may not be as available and as flexible as she would like.

Good luck..... it could be a long few years.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2015 07:58

Flossy what the hell is she meant to do with her child, at home alone! I am sure if op had options to leave her dd with someone, she would have! This is the only option, or not going, which bride woukd or ably be huffy with as well. I am shocked some of you are agreeing with the bride. Just because your a bride, does not mean you leave go if your senses. Just wait until she has kids.

SoupDragon · 19/01/2015 07:58

Well, yes the daughter does have to go if the bride wants the OP there.

Surely it's up to the bride to decide yes to that or to ask someone else

No, it was up to the OP to apologise for the babysitter scenario and say that either she'd have to drop out or bring her DD with her. Not to say her DD would have to come, end of story (and of course this is not what necessarily happened, you can't tell from the OP)

Or is OP supposed to do all the bride's thinking for her?

Don't be ridiculous. I bet the OP would still be upset had the bride to be said "OK, I'll get someone else to come along" and there would still be the predictable cries of "bridezilla!" from assorted MNers.

OP, I assume you have thought about what to do for the actual wedding? Either someone to look after her at the wedding whilst you are busy with MoH duties or to look after her elsewhere. You have a couple of years to sort it - don't leave it til the last minute!

SoupDragon · 19/01/2015 08:00

I am shocked some of you are agreeing with the bride. Just because your a bride, does not mean you leave go if your senses. Just wait until she has kids.

I am shocked anyone thinks it is a good idea to take a toddler in a buggy to a wedding fair. Just because you are a parent doesn't mean you leave go of your senses.

I have children so I know it is a bloody stupid idea so the "just wait til she has kids" thing is a red herring really.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2015 08:00

I agree mamma, tell her now, that you are not going to be as flexible as you have a child, give her the option of choosing someone else. 2 years away, Bridezilla in the making. If she is like this now, imagine his she will be like near the time.

SoupDragon · 19/01/2015 08:02

TBH, I wouldn't have suggested bringing my child along at all. Given the time frame I would have suggested we go to another fair or find another wedding based activity for a weekend I could get childcare for (window shopping for dresses/ideas for bridesmaids colours, afternoon with a pile of bridal magazines etc)

paperlace · 19/01/2015 08:05

Soupdragon don't you know all brides are unreasonable on Mumsnet and all brides are bridezillas????

Agree, toddler and fair won't mix. Bride is allowed to be disappointed - if she carries on being huffy and bossy with various events and arrangements, ok fair enough she's being an arse. At the moment, no.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2015 08:05

Soup I am sure the bride would equally have been huffy if op said she couldent go because she can't find someone to look after her child. this wedding is 2 years away!

BrianButterfield · 19/01/2015 08:10

The wedding fairs I've been to were all fairly small and uncrowded affairs, with cakes to taste, pretty things to look at and even entertainers singing. A toddler would have been fine at them (and we were only there for an hour max). One was at a country house with cafe and park, too, so plenty to make it into a longer, child-friendly visit. I wouldn't have thought twice about bringing a buggy-bound toddler to one when I was a bride to be.

yellowdaisies · 19/01/2015 08:13

There are lots of wedding fairs around this time of year. Why don't you have a look online for one you could make without taking DD and suggest that to your friend? You could consider traveling a bit and making a bit of a day of it (might also give you more choice of fairs). She probably wants a chance to have a nice talked relaxed girly chat about her wedding plans

SoupDragon · 19/01/2015 08:17

I am sure the bride would equally have been huffy if op said she couldent go because she can't find someone to look after her child

All she has done is not been happy at the statement that a 2 yr old would be accompanying her to the wedding fair. Hell I would be somewhat less than ecstatic and I am a mother.

I feel really sorry for brides now - they can't express any sort of opinion other than "we will do what everyone else wants and nothing for ourselves" without being called a Bridezilla.

diddl · 19/01/2015 08:22

"All she has done is not been happy at the statement that a 2 yr old would be accompanying her to the wedding fair. "

And all she has to do is decline OPs offer of taking her daughter!

FlossyMoo · 19/01/2015 08:23

Don't be ridiculous Aero where in my post did I suggest the OP leave her child at home alone Try reading my post again you drama queen!

Give her time to think about it, maybe research some other fairs and arrange childcare in advance so that she can see you do want to go to fairs with her.

Now read this^ bit very slowly I copied and pasted to help.

TedAndLola · 19/01/2015 08:23

Goodness, if she's this bad 2/3 years before the wedding, run for the hills now!!

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