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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my neighbour to refrain from telling my children where they can play...

122 replies

minionmadness · 18/01/2015 17:01

We live semi rurally, there are only 6 houses next to a small farm. We are surrounded by fields.

In front of the houses there is a single lane that is both our access, (onto the main road around a mile away) and a public footpath/bridleway.

Back gardens are around 150 feet long and at the footpath also runs along the end of the gardens.

Today the dts's (7) wanted to ride their scooters in the lane that surrounds the houses. I was out there with them and they were instructed to stay at the back rather than go near the lane in the front of the houses.

As they went past one of the neighbours gardens their dogs started barking, I reassured them that the dogs were in the gardens and they carried on scooting. Neighbour then came out and shouted to my dc to go and play somewhere else. I presume he didn't know I heard.

Was IBU to tell him to tell him to mind his own business and to please stop telling my dc where they could or could not play, or should we have moved the children since their scooting past the bottom of his garden was making the dogs bark. Incidentally his own children are teenagers now but when younger they played in the lane all the time... and why wouldn't they. There is no way the noise could be heard from the houses as the gardens are too long, neither were the dc shouting, they were merely scooting.

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 18/01/2015 18:53

OMG, some people on this thread are quite mad.

The dogs barking are NOT your problem. If they have a huge long garden, why on earth are they so bothered by people walking quietly past them at the far end of the garden anyway? They should be better trained.

The clue here is the word 'public': if it's a public footpath anyone is entitled to use it, including your dc, so YANBU.

How to handle it is harder, though. You don't want a feud with shouty neighbour, but nor do you want your dc scared to go out! Could you have a chat with your neighbour and say that you heard him shouting at your dc today and wondered why. After all, his dc always played out there so your dc playing out there should be fine too. And please don't shout at my dc again.

Original poster
minionmadness · 18/01/2015 18:57

Viv Well you could use that argument for every street in the land... would be pretty silly to do so though don't you think. Are no children allowed to play outside in your world?

It is an outside space outside our home, that just happens to have a public right of way through it.

The lane runs the length of the 6 houses, and comes up by the side of ours to access the lane to the front of the houses, where there may be vehicles. Cars can only drive down as far as our houses as the lane then narrows for walking, horses etc. Clearly that part is not safe for the dc to play on.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 18/01/2015 19:03

But streets and lanes are not playgrounds they are thoroughfares. (sp?) I think people should not assumes a street is a playground and should be considerate of others. The OP says they all have fair sized gardens. I'd have more sympathy with people who had no gardens.

Flywheel · 18/01/2015 19:05

Op, your dc are not being a nuisance - the dogs are. YADNBU. You have a safe path behind your house for scooting and cycling. It is completely unreasonable to suggest your dc should not have access to it.
I think I would politely tell your neighbour that (as he well knows) the path is the only suitable, safe area nearby for that kind of play, and that your dc will, on occasion, be using it, just like his dc used to. He can take the dogs in if he doesn't like the noise.

Original poster
minionmadness · 18/01/2015 19:06

Thanks everyone... well mostly!

Will have a think how to handle this going further since I don't think it fair that my dc can't play outside their own home, as I said even when we were just outside our own house the dogs were still barking.

Neither do I want to sour relationships with the neighbour...

OP posts:
adsy · 18/01/2015 19:06

I think OP has more of a case of saying " AIBU to complain to neighbour as his dogs bark at my dc every time they go past the end of his garden"

Original poster
minionmadness · 18/01/2015 19:10

adsy indeed Grin

OP posts:
Fatstacks · 18/01/2015 19:20

The aibu was about telling the neighbour off.

Not about playing or dog barking.

The OP said you had already told him to mind his own business.

Did you? Or did you mean to ask would ibu?

Newrule · 18/01/2015 19:38

OP you could have exercised more wisdom in your response to the neighbour. Given your response, I think relations are probably sour now.

I can understand your vexation especially as his children did the same scooting about in the same area.

Does everyone have equal rights to the lane?

AryaUnderfoot · 18/01/2015 19:51

Our neighbour's back garden backs onto the local recreation ground. There is a tarmac path running along the edge of it and every time anyone walks along it the dogs start barking. It used to terrify DD when she went through her 'dog phobic' phase.

It is a public footpath and if children wanted to scoot up and down it all day - setting the bloody dog off each and every time - there would be bugger all the neighbours could do about it.

YANBU

Nicola19 · 18/01/2015 19:57

Tell your neighbour that barking dogs tend to be the result of keeping one's dogs outside.

outtahell · 18/01/2015 20:02

YANBU OP. Your neighbour sounds like a miserable git. Either his dogs will get used to it or he'll have to stop dumping them in the garden to get away from their noise (doubt the scooters are the only thing that sets the buggers off.)Grin

longjane · 18/01/2015 20:30

Why did you buy scooters if there is no where for your kids to scoot?
Why have you not made your garden a safe place for scooters and bikes?

Original poster
minionmadness · 18/01/2015 20:34

Everyone has equal rights to the land and given that there is a pubic footpath running the entire length of the houses so do the general public.

It's roughly the same width as the single lane road at the front.

Yes I had already asked him not to shout at the children, but it was a "was I BU" so should have clarified.

It would be fair to say that when they are out at work the dogs do bark a l

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 18/01/2015 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
minionmadness · 18/01/2015 20:43

Why do you not have a common sense longjane Confused

OP posts:
TedAndLola · 18/01/2015 20:44

We have a neighbour like the OP. We are also rural, public fields literally 100 feet from our road. But every day in summer her three children play in the middle of the road outside our houses, and kick a football which repeatedly hits our windows / hedge / front door and my car as well as several neighbours' cars. We asked if they could use a softer ball and she said "my kids can do what they want, if you don't like it you can move". It would be so simple to tell the kids to play 100 feet away and bother nobody, or to use a softer ball and bother nobody. But of course her right for her kids to play where they want is more important than our property or right to live peacefully...

usualsuspect333 · 18/01/2015 21:01

what a stupid post, longjane.

I have a tiny garden, my kids still had scooters and bikes.

BoredChurch · 18/01/2015 21:11

What do you mean that everyone has equal rights to the lane? Is it jointly owned? My guess would be that it isn't jointly but that you have a right of way over it.

It would be worth double checking before taking a stance with the neighbour just in case he gets arsey.

Siennasun · 18/01/2015 21:14

Agree longjaes post is ridiculous - they do have somewhere totally safe and appropriate to scoot - the public lane!
Tedandlola. how is that anything like the OP other than she and your neighbour both have kids? Confused
The two things I really hate about living in Britain are the horrible weather and how intolerant and unreasonable people are about children doing normal children things. The NDN and some people on here are being miserable and mean. Angry
OP YADNB even a little bit U.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/01/2015 21:25

I live in an area similar to yours. Off our side pasture is a road used by walkers, bicyclists, kids on dirt bikes, etc.

If our dog happens to be out, he will bark at people on the road. Our late lamented Labrador did the same. Not growl or 'charge the fence', just bark. Dogs bark. Kids play. People walk. That's country life. The only time I'd get mad and shout would be if someone was teasing or lobbing things. I did tell off a couple of kids for screaming and shouting as they rode back and forth along our fence to purposely rile the dog.

As long as your kids are just scooting, I don't see a problem. To try to be a 'good neighbour' I might ask them to refrain from making a lot of noise (not shouting, yelling etc) when they're directly behind Mr Grump's yard.

Sagethyme · 18/01/2015 21:31

Hahaha we go on and on and on about children being obese because they spend all the time in front of TV, but as soon as you take them out on a public lane to burn off some energy you get told off.
I love all our double standards in this country.

cees · 18/01/2015 21:43

No you were nbu op, but your neighbour was. I wonder did he know you were there and get a shock when he was over heard by you?

It's not like they were kicking a ball at his fence or goading his dog on purpose. If its good enough for his kids to use then its good enough for yours.

5madthings · 18/01/2015 21:53

Oh fgs I can't.believe some of these replies!

Of course Yanbu op, it's fine for your kids to play on the lane!

If the same.neighbour says anyhtjng again I would be tempted to remind him that his own children frequently played in the same lane, so if it was Ok for them then clearly it is Ok for your kids.

Mintyy · 18/01/2015 22:00

TedandLola - how do you know your neighbour is anything like the op??

Has op said that her children are constantly playing with a ball and the ball is hitting the neighbour's property?

Cos I can't see that anywhere in her posts.

She also doesn't say that the surrounding fields are public, either, she says she lives next to a farm so I don't imagine her dc are free to play on the farmland.

Did you also miss the bit where she mentioned that her neighbours children used to play on the lane when they were younger?

Did you also miss the bit where she explained that the gardens are 150ft long, so her dc really couldn't have been causing much nuisance to her neighbour, other than requring him to shut his dogs up.

Your post almost rivals longjane's for stupidity.