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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my neighbour to refrain from telling my children where they can play...

122 replies

minionmadness · 18/01/2015 17:01

We live semi rurally, there are only 6 houses next to a small farm. We are surrounded by fields.

In front of the houses there is a single lane that is both our access, (onto the main road around a mile away) and a public footpath/bridleway.

Back gardens are around 150 feet long and at the footpath also runs along the end of the gardens.

Today the dts's (7) wanted to ride their scooters in the lane that surrounds the houses. I was out there with them and they were instructed to stay at the back rather than go near the lane in the front of the houses.

As they went past one of the neighbours gardens their dogs started barking, I reassured them that the dogs were in the gardens and they carried on scooting. Neighbour then came out and shouted to my dc to go and play somewhere else. I presume he didn't know I heard.

Was IBU to tell him to tell him to mind his own business and to please stop telling my dc where they could or could not play, or should we have moved the children since their scooting past the bottom of his garden was making the dogs bark. Incidentally his own children are teenagers now but when younger they played in the lane all the time... and why wouldn't they. There is no way the noise could be heard from the houses as the gardens are too long, neither were the dc shouting, they were merely scooting.

OP posts:
MoanCollins · 18/01/2015 17:41

It sounds like you've got loads of room for them to play without going near his garden and making his dogs bark.

There are six houses. Dogs barking is annoying. Not just for your neighbour but for the other 4 houses.

Given the amount of space there appears to be your children should have played elsewhere when they were asked.

I don't think it's at all unreasonable for him to ask your children to play elsewhere given there seems to be lots of other places for them to play. If you were living in a tightly packed city cul de sac it might be unreasonable but in your situation I think not.

I kind of feel for the bloke because if your children were out there for an hour and his dogs are out there barking for an hour it's entirely possible he's going to get earache from the other neighbours for his dogs disturbing them. It's not simply a matter of whether or not it bothers the dogs, but whether the dogs barking for a fairly substatial amount of time while your kids are playing is going to bother all the rest of the neighbourhood.

usualsuspect333 · 18/01/2015 17:42

Riding by his garden on a public footpath is hardly winding his dogs up.

FightOrFlight · 18/01/2015 17:43

I can understand him not wanting his dogs to be over-excited (or whatever you want to call it) by the noise of the scooters. Having said that, he's a massive hypocrite if his children used to play out there.

How long is this lane you are talking about? If it's long enough to move away from his garden and still get a good 'scoot' then that would have been the best option.

I'm guessing you and NDN don't get on that well as both of you seem to have got annoyed pretty quickly.

If you normally get on well then maybe he is feeling ill, has a migraine, was trying to sleep etc etc etc so he overreacted a bit.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2015 17:44

YANBU at all, why should your dc not scoot there in case they make his dogs bark. My neighbour has a dog, each time I go out in the garden it barks furiously. So by that logic, I should stay in doors and not use my garden Hmm. If it's public footpath, they have every right to use it!

JoanHickson · 18/01/2015 17:46

My neighbours dog barks if you go out to hang out washing. Other neighbours blame the dog owners for not controlling the dog not someone going about their business. I would imagine op has neighbours who will resent hypocritical dog owing neighbour too.

TamzinGrey · 18/01/2015 17:48

Hang on - so you live in the countryside with very few houses around but you choose to let your children scoot up and down right next to a neighbour's boundary, even though you know that it upsets his dogs, and that their barking probably upsets all of your other neighbours.

YABU and you should be teaching your children have respect for others and not to be so self centered.

hopingforamiracle · 18/01/2015 17:49

I'd be tempted to put loads of stones and rocks all over the lane and then see them try to scoot Grin

PunkrockerGirl · 18/01/2015 17:49

I would be telling the dogs and their owner to stfu. Of course YANBU.

usualsuspect333 · 18/01/2015 17:51

Why would you do that,hoping?

Have you got an annoying barking dog?

Newrule · 18/01/2015 17:53

I agree with what Fatstsacks and Tamzin said. Very well said.

BubbleGirl01 · 18/01/2015 17:54

MoanCollins so because the NDN was annoyed by the noise HIS dogs were making the OP's DC should not play there.

UN FUCKING BELIEVABLE! Honestly either some people are on a wind up or they really are totally stupid.

FightOrFlight · 18/01/2015 17:54

Good points Moan and Joan (I like how that reads). Perhaps dog owner has had complaints about his dogs and has tried his best to keep them quiet. He will possibly be blamed for the dogs being noisy even though it was beyond his control.

Original poster
minionmadness · 18/01/2015 17:55

Although we live rurally with lots of lane, they just aren't suitable for scooting. The road in front of the houses is not safe, since that's how we all drive to our respective houses.

They can't scoot to school since it's too far.

I suppose I'm just Confused as to why it was ok for his dc to play there (on scooters and bikes) but not for mine simply because he now has dogs.

The farmer has 3 dogs and they don't bark every time someone comes down the lane and if they ever do the farmer tells them to stop.

OP posts:
hmc · 18/01/2015 17:56

I have both children and dogs. If my dogs are in the garden and they start barking and won't stop - they are taken inside to avoid causing a noise disturbance to others. Which is what your neighbour should have done

youarekiddingme · 18/01/2015 17:56

Err..... why should the children have to go in or elsewhere? They weren't the ones displaying antisocial behaviour.

YANBU - I'm surprised people think you are.

usualsuspect333 · 18/01/2015 17:56

Well he could have always taken them inside.

FightOrFlight · 18/01/2015 17:58

Bubble That wasn't what Moan was saying. She said that the other neighbours were also potentially being disturbed by the dogs.

usualsuspect333 · 18/01/2015 17:59

My dog used to bark if kids played outside my house. I took him inside.

Why wouldn't you?

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 18/01/2015 18:00

I can't understand why people would rather alienate neighbours to defend the right of their offspring

Yep...so instead offend the mother and the children and let the dogs...bark.....poor ickle doggies...

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 18/01/2015 18:01

I would have said very cheerily. " oh hello Mr Farmer, hello how are you...dont worry I am here watching I have given them persimssion to play here, thanks for keeping an eye out on them"

Camolips · 18/01/2015 18:04

Why not just call out Sorry, they won't be out here long! As he well knows, they're entitled to be out there. I certainly wouldn't be antagonising neighbours in a small community for no good reason but it sounds like you don't get on anyway.

FightOrFlight · 18/01/2015 18:04

OP if the footpath extends a long way rather than just the length of the six houses then I think I'd have suggested moving further away once the dogs started barking. It would have driven me insane listening to that racket, let alone the neigbours.

If it's just a short length and there's not option to move away then fair enough.

maninawomansworld · 18/01/2015 18:06

He was wrong to be rude to the children, they are as deserving of a bit of common courtesy as any other person regardless of their age!
However, given that you live in a nice rural spot and have a 150 foot long garden I don't see the need for them to be scooting back and forth past the neighbours house causing the dogs to bark. I know they may have the 'right' to but that doesn't mean that they should.
Surely they can just play somewhere else where they won't upset anyone - not everyone likes the sound of children playing. I loathe it too, that's one of the things I love about living very rurally, perhaps your neighbour is similarly minded.

DressingGownFrown · 18/01/2015 18:10

Whaaat?!
I have a dog and no children, though children occasionally play outside my house.
The children outside mine can be a bit screamy so I'm not too worried about my dog barking, (everyone is being noisy) but there is no way I would tell anyone not to be outside their own house because I can't be arsed to train my dog to be quiet when I want him to be.
And with respect to 'tormenting' the dogs, is it tormenting them when a bike rides past if they are on a walk? Or if a runner goes past?
Dogs need to be trained to behave and have manners or you, as the owner, put up with it. If your dog is reactive, even just vocally, to people outside your house, that is your problem as a responsible owner to correct. And if your dog chases moving objects, again it is your responsibility to correct.
If you can't be bothered, which in a lot of cases, is ok, then you put up with the consequences, a barking dog or a dog that isn't allowed off lead in areas with cyclists or runners.

ohmyactualgiddyaunt · 18/01/2015 18:12

Yanbu at all and I'm appalled by hopingforamiracle's post. Really spiteful.

Why should they not scoot in a suitable, safe area just so a dog doesn't bark? The owner needs to sort the barking issue.

Let them play there.