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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be miffed at wives turning up at stag do

81 replies

1wokeuplikethis · 18/01/2015 10:17

My df had his stag do & 2 of the guys wives turned up in the club with them.

My df doesn't mind/care but I feel a bit miffed. It's just for blokes surely? Also a bit peeved that the women put pictures on fbook of the stag do, not tagged me & it seems a bit cloying of them to turn up - why not just let your bloke enjoy a very rare boys night? Why put pics on Facebook like we're here and you're not.

I won't mention anything to anybody as there's no point and I don't feel angry, more bemused and don't really get it. AIBU?

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 18/01/2015 14:42

I think she sounds pissed off that they all had a great time without her

However, I can see that she would mind them turning down her hen night. Then again, it depends on what the night involves. I wouldn't go to a 'stripper' type hen do, no matter how close a friend the hen was.

Think we need more info.

Fairenuff · 18/01/2015 14:43

Oh, and they are more than her DH's mates partners, they are his friends too, so I suppose they could be friends of both of them?

fishinabarrell · 18/01/2015 14:46

Lol, no one likes missing out.

Definitely need more information, I don't think they are close friends from the sounds of thing so while the OP was nice and polite to ask there's no snubbing if they decline.

I've done a stripper night before for a friend and wouldn't go again either-wasn't worth, though the drag queens were awesome, I'd do that again!

NeedABumChange · 18/01/2015 15:21

I think it's odd and smacks of them either not trusting their husbands or having no social life of their own.

BestZebbie · 18/01/2015 15:47

Wrt Facebook, perhaps they just use tagging differently than you do - it would never occur to me to tag someone who wasn't actually in the photograph themselves! Surely tagging you on photos of the party you weren't at to draw your attention to them would be a way of rubbing your nose in that you weren't there far far more than not bringing the photos up with you at all?

hoobypickypicky · 18/01/2015 15:55

It would be ridiculous of you to make an issue of it if these female friends of your fiance had been invited but it's rude of the women to turn up when they weren't. It just makes them appear needy, suspicious and insecure.

I wouldn't give the Facebook tagging a second thought. Some people are FB mad and tag anything.

squoosh · 18/01/2015 16:08

Well I think it's odd and I'd assume that their turning up meant they were a bit clingy and needy or they had trust issues in their relationship.

These kinds of nights are for groups of close friends (of either sex) not for partner's of close friends.

yellowdaisies · 18/01/2015 16:53

I wouldn't think anything of the FB tagging. I only tag people who are actually in the photo. And presumably you're FB friends with your DF or others in the photo so would see them anyway

BlairWaldorfHeadBand · 18/01/2015 17:46

Either they don't trust their partners or they are pathetic attention seekers wanting everyone to talk about how they went to the stag and no other girls did because they are the cool girls

formerbabe · 18/01/2015 17:51

Either they don't trust their partners or they are pathetic attention seekers wanting everyone to talk about how they went to the stag and no other girls did because they are the cool girls

Completely agree with this!

Fairenuff · 18/01/2015 19:35

These kinds of nights are for groups of close friends (of either sex) not for partner's of close friends.

But op says that the women were his friends though squoosh and that's why he was happy for them to be there.

Birdsgottafly · 18/01/2015 19:40

The OP has stated that they wasn't invited, but turned up, obviously her DF was to polite to say anything and who would want to spoil the night.

But they were wrong to turn up and it does smack of desperation, either to be included, or that they need to be joined at the hip of their partners.

You don't turn up to an event that your not invited to, even if you are friends with the person whose event it is.

HolyTerror · 18/01/2015 19:45

Oh, grow up, OP. The days of a stag do involving only male friends (because obviously guys only have guy friends, and it's his Last Chance of Freedom before going Under The Thumb) are long over. Are you honestly suggesting that two of your fiance's friends should gave been excluded from his pre-wedding night out because they have vaginas?

Are you so desperately threatened by your fiancé having women friends that you gave to mentally file them under 'hugs mates' wives'? I can't see any other reason why you feel they should gave tagged you on FB. Or indeed why them having had fun is a problem.

Patsyandeddie · 18/01/2015 19:47

Chronically insecure methinks, poor bastards probably weren't allowed out unless wifey could check up on him!

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2015 20:01

Yanbu, I would assume the ladies were being overbearing over their partners. Yes jealous partners have turned up on stag dos. Woukd you expect the partners of hens to turn up on a hen do, no yiu woukd not!

Mozzereena · 18/01/2015 20:12

YABU.
I agree with HolyTerror
Your DF doesn't have a problem with female friends turning up in the club and nor should you.
There's nothing weird about women going to the same clubs that men go to.
Clubs are not for men only any more.

CeliaLytton · 18/01/2015 20:19

YANBU to think it was rude of them to show up uninvited to a night out.

YABU to think that stag dos are only for men, separation of sexes is so rare now in my social circles and much as I love my female friends, I don't go out of my way to see them without any men, though it does often work out this way.

YABU to expect to be tagged, I would only think to tag people who were in the photo.

YANBU to be 'a bit miffed that a great night was had by people who weren't even supposed to be there in the first place and who it sounds like gate crashed, it's hardly the same as being 'furious' or 'fuming' or indeed 'apoplectic' as I have seen used on here for much lesser crimes

Fanfeckintastic · 18/01/2015 20:43

YABU, I think you're reading way too much into it.

Maybe their partners wanted them to go, I'm surprised that hasn't occurred to anyone but instead the women arm painted as insecure. Sounds like they had a great night, controlling women crippled with insecurity would probably have been too busy keeping tabs on their DPs to have such a good night.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2015 21:34

I think people are missing the point, tgey were not invited so not part of the stag do. What could op fiancé say, he probably did not want to cause a scene, so let them stay. They sound like jealous partners who wanted to tag along.

Fanfeckintastic · 18/01/2015 22:09

I don't know, do stags usually issue official invites? These ladies are the stags friends and his other friends partners. The stag himself wasn't phased by it at all so maybe he was reluctant to say he'd extended an invite when he saw OPs reaction to it and upset about the Facebook thing.

itosh · 19/01/2015 01:38

I wouldn't like this either YANBU

RatherEmbarassed · 19/01/2015 03:36

Were they actually not invited or was it morw of a their partners were invited and they presumed the invite extended to them too as friends of the groom? Regarding being annoyed re facebook tagging, that's just bat shit as you weren't there.

wickedlazy · 19/01/2015 03:52

That is very weird. If any of my dp's friends wives turned up at a stag do, they would be teased badly about it. Lot's of whip noises and pressing of thumbs into foreheads when the blokes were about they're mature like that . It reads to me as if the wives are a bit controlling or jealous and paranoid. Surely stag nights are for men, and at a push (though I personally would find it weird) female friends. Not wives of friends (that the guy socialises with through friends). Surely it would be more appropriate for them to go to the bride to be's hen night/do.

And as for the photo's, I wouldn't be happy about that either, but would be more baffled (erm yes you might be there when I'm not, but you've made your husbands look like pussies and yourselves seem like control freaks) than angry.

wickedlazy · 19/01/2015 04:04

Then again where I live (Northern Ireland), women hardly ever go on stag do's. And usually only gay men go on hen do's. Friends of the couple are invited to the appropriate genders night/do. Apparently we're behind the times lol. And it's odder to not have a hen/stag do than to have one (even if it is just a drink in the house/in the local) but more commonly it's a good excuse to go clubbing.

Notagainmun · 19/01/2015 07:17

I would assume they don't trust their partners and maybe they have good reason from the antics of some men you hear about on bbc stag dos.

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