Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be miffed at wives turning up at stag do

81 replies

1wokeuplikethis · 18/01/2015 10:17

My df had his stag do & 2 of the guys wives turned up in the club with them.

My df doesn't mind/care but I feel a bit miffed. It's just for blokes surely? Also a bit peeved that the women put pictures on fbook of the stag do, not tagged me & it seems a bit cloying of them to turn up - why not just let your bloke enjoy a very rare boys night? Why put pics on Facebook like we're here and you're not.

I won't mention anything to anybody as there's no point and I don't feel angry, more bemused and don't really get it. AIBU?

OP posts:
FriendlyLadybird · 18/01/2015 12:05

The only time I've ever been to a hen party we all ended up at the same nightclub as the stags anyway. They were rather pleased to see us (and we them). So we ended up having one big party (and another one two days later at the wedding). Some weekend that was!

fredfredgeorgejnr · 18/01/2015 12:26

YABU completely reasonable for your DF's friends to attend a stag do.

Why would they "tag you" - you weren't there? What would be the point?

SteveBrucesNose · 18/01/2015 12:29

I've done it once but the stag was my mate first, not DHs, and he wanted me to join them for a drink.

Otherwise, just a bit weird

Evabeaversprotege · 18/01/2015 12:32

I can see this from your perspective. YANBU

My sister's Dh shows up at everything!! He is a controlling man though she doesn't see it as that.

He'll offer to pick her up from nights out but arrive 90 mins before the arranged time & come into venue, dancing with dsis or sitting with the group. No need for it. I wasn't exactly surprised when her work night out pics appeared on FB (employees only) & there her dh was in them... Having "dropped by" to see if she needed a lift home.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 18/01/2015 12:34

One of DH's friends partners used to turn up when they were out all the time. She was a mixture of insecure and untrusting though.

AmysTiara · 18/01/2015 12:40

I think it's strange too. Not sure why hen and stag dos are old fashioned, I know loads of people who have them and they are getting more elaborate if anything

Fairenuff · 18/01/2015 12:45

Oh, I see you say the women were his friends too. So nothing unusual about them being there.

Stag dos don't have to be all male. It's a celebration of impending marriage and unless they are planning to do something that might be offensive to women, no reason why women shouldn't join in.

Were you not invited OP, is that what's bothering you?

ILovePud · 18/01/2015 12:49

Oh dear OP you must have read my first comment along the line of if your dad isn't bothered then try to let it go and thought 'WTF why does this daft woman think my dad should have this level of influence in my life?', sorry Blush the abbreviations confuse me.

MamaLazarou · 18/01/2015 12:50

Why would they tag you in a photo you did not appear in?

abigamarone · 18/01/2015 13:03

My immediate assumption would be that they don't trust their partners out on their own. Maybe I'm unreasonable thinking that...

Mind you, it's also my more considered conclusion.

fishinabarrell · 18/01/2015 13:23

I would think they were very controlling and the men very weak tbh. That's because when I've seen similar things with partners turning up on womens/mens/hen/stag nights it's always been the case of the partner turning up feeling threatened by them going out alone and being controlling.

That's just my experience though, they may well have been asked by their clingy partners though. I'd find it weird to got to a stag or guys only night with my DHs guy friends alone unless invited by all of them or the stag. DH has asked me before, when not really thinking about how it can change the dynamic of a close friendship group to have someone not so close their (regardless of gender) and I refused, which according to the guys he told that night was a c good thing. They'd been looking forward to quality time together and didn't want to entertain.

I'd wonder if they actually wanted me there or thought I was forcing myself along. I was annoyed when a friend's now ex-DP insisted on 'turning up' whenever we went out for dinner and drinks, it was very controlling and such an intrusion when not invited by everyone or even anyone in that case.

If your DF doesn't care I'd write them off in my mind as weird couples tbh, if he was annoyed he should have/would have said to them. Perhaps he knows that they are clingy and always need their partners so was fine for them to invite? Perhaps he likes and was happy to have them along? Perhaps the partners always just up anyway because they are possessive? Who knows?

Just write it off.

Original poster
1wokeuplikethis · 18/01/2015 13:26

Because to tag me in the photo that is just of my fiancé might be just more inclusive. My brother went too & he was tagging me in pics of just my fiancé like 'look at him, hehe!' Kind of way. The wives who went are raving about the 'best night ever'. No, they weren't invited, no I don't wish I had been invited (??!!! To my fiances stag do? Now that is truly weird) but I feel the women are snubbing me and acting strange. One of them isn't even coming on my hen do because she can't make it! At least she crashed the stag do though :-s

OP posts:
fishinabarrell · 18/01/2015 13:31

I should also add that if the stag/hen whomever has invited them that's different. I've been on a few stag dos, invited by the stag who were my friends though DH has yet to be invited to a hen and asking him now he's actually really intrigued to go!

fishinabarrell · 18/01/2015 13:34

Although tbh I find it weird that they were even taking pictures, all the hens/stags 've een too have been no pictures or no pictures on fb. But then they've got mainly family on theirs so perhaps different.

Are they friends of yours OP? Or are their partners your fiancés friends? Because then it's not weird or snubbing not to come to your hen do because they aren't your mates. It's still weird to go to the stag though.

Fairenuff · 18/01/2015 13:35

But what is your actual problem with it OP?

The fb tagging is just that some people do it, some don't. Individual preference, not really something to judge others by.

If you didn't want to go but they did and your df is friends with them to and they all had a great night out, what is it that you object to? Confused

RJnomore · 18/01/2015 13:38

Maybe they don't like you?

Would it bother you?

Or again, buying into the whole stag do pish for a minute, surely tagging the bride to be to show her photos of what happened is completely against the code?

yellowdaisies · 18/01/2015 13:39

I'd think that was a bit out of order really. I have (once) been on a stag do for a friend which was mixed company but his fiancée was living abroad at the time so not around.

In general if my DH wants a night out with male friends that's fine, even now we're married, and I occasionally have a night out with girl friends still. But if it's mixed company I'd usually expect to be invited myself.

writtenguarantee · 18/01/2015 13:41

i have been to both kinds (mixed stag dos and not). in the mixed case, it was all open (i.e. it's not like people found out the day of). I think it's all fine as long as no one is surprised.

Poppytoffee · 18/01/2015 13:44

I think it's very weird of them to attend given that they were not invited, especially as it was a stag do!

I don't believe it was a coincidence more likely they don't trust their fellas and want to keep tabs on them.

DeliciousMonster · 18/01/2015 13:45

I've been to male friends' stag dos before. What's the actual issue?

fishinabarrell · 18/01/2015 13:47

DeliciousMonster I don't think (i hope) it's not that they're female but that they crashed it, the stag didn't invited them.

Fairenuff · 18/01/2015 13:52

But he was happy for them to be there.

fishinabarrell · 18/01/2015 14:01

Which is why I said she should drop it and write it off. Doesn't make it not rude to crash something when not invited or any less odd that they thought it okay. Besides her DH may just be being polite in not carng, not wanting to make a fuss.

My friend thought the first few times that we didn't care, we thought it a 'few off'. Soon we just wrote it off as being 'them' and put up with it or didn't invite her out. Didn't mean it wasn't annoying.

Fairenuff · 18/01/2015 14:32

It sounds like OP only objects because they are female.

My df doesn't mind/care but I feel a bit miffed. It's just for blokes surely?

If they had been male friends who turned up, she wouldn't have minded at all. That's why I asked if she wanted to go because I could see that might annoy her if he said males only. But she says she wouldn't want to be there anyway, so I can't see what the problem is.

fishinabarrell · 18/01/2015 14:38

It could be but from her later update she sounds a bit pissed off that they've not wanted to go to her hen do but crashed the stag do instead. OP feels snubbed though I don't really understand that if they are her DH's mates partners not her friends. I find it weird and rude for anyone to crash something but not snubbing if someone doesn't want to go to a hen do.

Definitely not just for blokes though any more then hen's are for women. I've been on stag dos. Might be traditionally boys only but traditions die.