.. To have wanted to tell this man to f#&k off?

[Messtermind]

Today at work, I was on my break and eating my dinner. A regular customer who comes in every day walked past, stopped in front of my table and said 'always eating when I see you, I swear your getting fatter by the minute!'

Now, yes he's a regular and knows my name, but apart from that he doesn't know me from Eve, I am very overweight definitely.. But I do not need an elderly man to point this out to me and pass judgement on my eating habits! I guess it's a good job I'm relatively thick skinned, that being said to someone more sensitive could have caused a multitude of problems

Thinking back there's many many things I could have said, what I actually did was just fake a laugh and turn back to eating my dinner. I was actually a little shocked that people say things like this to people they don't know..!

You said you 'were only doing what MN HQ told you to do' and they said, 'sooty's only doing what we asked her to with regards to ageist posts.

People need to feel free to express themselves without someone jumping triumphantly on their posts, picking out some perceived slight.

bumblecrunch, there was a thread started by mnhq about the possibility of supporting a campaign against ageism and in that thread.0, as the discussion evolved, mnhq asked posters to challenge any perceived ageism on threads as they arose and report posts/threads if the matter was not resolved within the thread. I assume both sooty and mnhq are referring to this.

You said you 'were only doing what MN HQ told you to do' and they said, 'sooty's only doing what we asked her to with regards to ageist posts

Which doesn't mean I work for them. There was a long thread about casual ageism recently where Justine asked us to do what I've done today. Now I'd like you to retract that allegation.

People need to feel free to express themselves without someone jumping triumphantly on their posts, picking out some perceived slight

That's your opinion. I think that if people see what they perceive to be discriminatory speech they should have the right to challenge it without being subjected to personal attack.

I would also remind you again that ) the OP and I appear to accept each other's viewpoint and b) I haven't had any posts deleted. Unlike you, I haven't resorted to personal attack and name calling.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2246746-To-be-shocked-at-the-ageism-on-here-tonight?msgid=51571156

Actually, I think the age of the man was completely relevant in this case, as the OP said that she would have no problem replying to a teenager, but because the man was elderly, and she was taught to respect her elders, then she would be reluctant to come back at him.

I can't believe that there are certain posters who are obviously
trawling through threads looking to take offence at something which is nothing of the sort.

the fact you work in a pub, you could have told him to fuck off.

Or at least i could have in the pubs i worked in ;) The Landlady of the one was more foul mouthed than most of the clientele and it was NOT unusual to hear the bar staff telling people to go fuck themselves if they were rude to us!

Celticlass2 she said that later in the thread and I've already accepted that.

Yep. I'd have had no problem telling him to fuck off. He was a knob.

It doesn't mean you work for them, but rather that you are following their instructions. Why do you need me to retract that allegation? This isn't a court of law. But if we are retracting allegations, perhaps you would like to explain how I have resorted to personal attacks or name-calling. I said you were the anti-Nabakov in reference to your desire to remove adjectives. That's not personal.

I'm following their instructions in the sense that the way I've dealt with this issue is in accordance with the way HQ asked those who were concerned to deal with it. Olivia has confirmed that. Your implication was that I'm policing the boards specifically on HQ's instructions, which is untrue.

You've also repeated the content of a post you made earlier which MNHQ has already deleted.

good lord, will you lot shut up, honestly, if you cant stop bickering, i shall make you go sit at opposite ends of the room like i do my dc's.

OP I work in a pub. Some people are rude, and they think that because you stand behind the bar they can comment on every single thing they know about you.

And because that's usually not a lot, your appearance is often the main thing they can comment about.

Because some people are gits.

If you can think of a line to come back with then good for you, but it's not always easy when they put you on the spot, and often they come back with another one and you can't think of anything to say so you stand there feeling like a prat.

We had one particular customer who is awful, he likes to give all the bar staff nicknames linked to people on TV, usually the most awful people he can think of and using the most tenuous resemblance.

I hated the name he used to call me, particularly because he used to laugh like he was about to wet himself whenever he called me the name.

Eventually I just said to him "look, I don't like that name and I'm sick of you calling me it. I'm at work, I'm not here for your entertainment while you laugh at me. It's upsetting me, stop it."

And to his credit, although he tried to blame his friend for coming up with the nickname, he's never called me by it again and is actually quite polite and friendly now. I'll never like him, but we can talk to each other now without me hating to serve him or him calling me something stupid.

Perhaps that's worth a try. Tell him he was rude and he upset you, and you don't expect him to pass comment on you again. You might just shame him into behaving decently towards you in the future.

After all, you don't comment on the fact that he's out drinking every lunchtime and he must be turning into more of a lonely alcoholic every time you see him, do you?

I know exactly what you mean OP. There's a certain type of bloke ( Always rich in years, in my experience, I think it's a generational thing ... ) Who can't see a woman eating without making a Oooh, naughty - that'll make you fat sort of comment ...

I don't actually think they realise how bloody rude and annoying it is - they always sound quite good humoured and cheerful when they come out with it - and because they're customers and er ... venerable ... I can't bring myself to have a go back! ( Plus I generally have a mouthful of cake ... )

Hi all. Just to confirm that ilovesooty doesn't work for MNHQ, but that we do rely on all of you to keep things naice on here, which sometimes does include pointing out disablist, sexist, ageist, homophobic etc comments to each other. Whether or not everyone will agree as to what constitutes those -isms is part of the discussion, and always interesting we think you will agree. (Even if as MNers we agree on little else).
Regarding the chap in question, don't forget 'did you mean to sound so rude?' It's pretty perfect in most of these situations. And at him always seeing you eating because, well, he always walks past at lunchtime.