Examples of weirdness from inlaws.

[lovelydoggies]

Not sure if I'm posting in the right section but I'm talking about weird, unreasonable or plain bonkers behaviour from Mils, Fils, Sils....the lot.
I could write a book about mine, I don't know where to start.
One example comes to mind of Mil....she totally refused to spell any of my children's names right. When I used to tell her all she would say was "does it really matter".....
I mean what do you say to that.

My exMIL was in the category of 'no one is good enough for my darling boy' - but was desperate to be a grandmother, too, so would veer between saying snide and vaguely rude things to me to trying to curry favour of she thought I might produce a grandchild.

The big issues were always about Christmas though. My own DM had cancer 10 years ago and that year I wanted to be with my parents even though it was our 'turn' to go to my ex's parents. To stop exMIL throwing a huge strop about this we explained about the cancer (which I hadn't been telling many people about), ex BF went to his parents and I went with mine. She still got her own son with her on Christmas Day, just not me, but she behaved as if she'd done me the hugest favour in the world 'allowing' me to spend Christmas with my parents.

She also spent the whole next year mentioning at any given opportunity how last Christmas was 'flat' and she would have to put on a really big effort for the next one to make up for the disappointment of me not being there.

Then for all the next few years she'd bring up my mums cancer at the worst moments, out of the blue: 'So
How is your mum? What kind of cancer did she have again? What operation did she have in the end?' (my DM had been fully recovered and cancer free for years by this point). I knew she was doing it just to get at me because i didn't want to talk about it.

Anyway how she treated me was nothing to how she treated her own children. They were all her golden children except when they could do nothing right, which was most of the time. Every phone conversation between her & exBf ended in a blazing row.(he was pretty well matched personality-wise to her, the apple didn't fall far from the tree).

Now none of her children live close to her when they all used to be relatively close by and I do feel sorry for her in a way - she drives everyone away from her. I know she had a fairly neglected childhood for starters and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. She eventually separated from exFIL too, and he was a lovely man, I miss him terribly.

Aren't there some bloody nasty people about.

I have loads all about the same family member.

She used to buy tampax and go through the rigmoral of seeming to use them every month. This started happening after she met a new
Bloke... So what's odd? 10 years prior to that she had a full hysterectomy.

She had 2 children, one she kept and one she gave up for adoption. Some weird experiment. The one she kept, a dd, was often reminded of this. When her dd got pregnant and had a son she did everything to try and get the child to replace the son she had given up. She got really nasty about and constantly called ss. When her dd contacted her she always said nasty things to fuck with her to try and get the child. As the child grew she started on him.

Same woman rewrote history and would tell anyone that would listen that her dd was an evil bitch. She
Had done everything for her dd, tried raising her good etc.. Truth was after the adoption she realised her fuck up and left her dd with anyone and everyone and fucked off for months at a time.

Same woman offers everyone dietary advice. The woman is severely obese.

Told her gc she no longer needs tenna because she know had an active sex life. Years ago was suggested she do her pelvic floor exercise and she said fuck that I will never get off the floor.

Tried seducing the father of her gc because her dd didn't deserve him and she could educate him. Then tried it on with all their mates, more than once.

She's never been to the dd's house yet tells everyone what a messy shit
Hole that it is. Anything decent is
Only because of her.

Has many health problems that are complete bs, when challanged changes the subject.

Yes the dd is nc with her. As are
Most of us, aside from being mates on FB for entertainment. The gc are now nc, their mum wanted them to make up their own minds, never slagged her off etc, warned them that she might not be what they are expecting.

My Mil actually hated my mum because my dh loved my mum, he always said my mum was more of a mum to him.

I do find it fascinating, albeit scary (esp with two boys!) how unhinged the dynamic with a MIL / son / DIL can be!

My own MIL seems a bit take in comparison - she did spend the night before our wedding sobbing and telling DH he shouldn't marry me and when I had dS1 by emcs the first thing she asked me was if I would be able to have my next baby "properly"

Is it the two women in opposition that makes for all the drama? Are there any stories here from same sex couples?

I've learned how not to be a MIL from my own MIL (ex) and from mumsnet.
My ex MIL was very old school and as a new young first time mum terrified me.
For instance it was considered unnecessary to "bother " anyone. So when my first baby had an infected belly button at a week old she told me I was fussing and the doctor wouldn't want me to " bother" him. Likewise at 6 weeks when he developed a chest infection she said the same thing. On both occasions I crept out of the house when she wasn't looking and went to the doctors.
She had the capacity to belittle me continually and being very old fashioned actually told me off for offering yogurt as a pudding to the "hardworking " man of the house.
She also never missed an opportunity to tell people how much food I wasted when I was preparing meals.
And this was a vicar's wife....... No compassion at all.
Mind you, her son didn't turn out to be much different either!
Looking back I am cross with myself that I didn't stand up to her. Of course it didn't help that her son, my long since exh, always agreed with her.

Gosh, that was good getting that off my chest!

My Exmil was very possessive of all her sons, and so, early in the morning (about 7.30 ish) of the day after I married one of them, there was a knock on the door (we were in our new home, as were going to have a delayed honeymoon). I opened it to find Exmil on the doorstep, who then swept past me and carried out an inspection of every room, to ensure I was looking after her darling boy well enough!!!

Oh - and that was after she was a total nightmare at the wedding. first she turned up very late, made a grand entrance into the room (Registry office), and then declared ' oh,are you all waiting for me?'
Then at the reception she had way too much a little too much to drink, pulled up her skirts and did the can-can on the dance floor (she was in her 60's at the time)....it wasn't a good look!

I read somewhere that the MIL-DIL dynamic is strained because of 2 conflicting assumptions: MIL's son grows up, marries, and the new wife joins her family; vs woman marries DH and starts an brand new family of 2. Something like 60% of MIL-DIL relations have some degree of tension because of these different world views according to the research I read, compared with a much smaller number for male family members who seem to see things differently (not the first time that's been noted!).

Some real headfucks on here, but also, as the anxious mum of an adored 4 yo DS, some heartbreakers - women who love their sons and don't want to lose them.

SIL.' If you die in childbirth I'll take care of the baby.'
'My brother will never marry you because he's got red hair, and because you're a brunette he can't prove any children are his. '
' I called you every five minutes when we went for a walk and you wanted a sleep because you are lazy and being 8 months pregnant is no excuse for a rest'
' reading stops you from finding things to talk about'
I know you had an EMC 4 days ago but you could at least make us all a cup of tea'
' why are you giving your DD books to play with at 5 months? Shouldn't you give her a doll'
I really fucking hate my SIL. She's so naice to when there are witnesses but on the now rare occasions she gets me on my own she is a poisonous bitter twisted fucking bitch. The bloke who left her at the alter had a narrow fucking escape. Her hubby is lovely but on massive dose of anti anxiety meds. Not a coincidence in my humble opinion.

My PIL live several hours drive away. They have a cotbed and small single bed that the dc sleep in. They do not have any other spare beds. Dh and I are expected to sleep on the study floor. We bring our own camping mats. After a particularly uncomfortable few nights at Christmas, I've told dh I really don't want to visit again until they get a sofa bed or something. There is enough space. I am sure that their 2x civil service pensions could manage it. Seems they won't buy one because we're the only people who ever stay. Funny that.

'A daughter remains a daughter for life; a son is a son till he takes a wife.'

I genuinely think that this ^ is the crux of the MIL/DIL conflict in a lot of cases. Daughters (almost inevitably) stay closer to their own mothers and therefore their families tend to be more involved in their lives and with the GC.

Maybe it's fear of becoming 'unimportant' that makes so many MILs behave so hideously? The number of MILs who've been less than ideal at weddings speaks volumes (I've heard this described as 'the day another woman becomes the most important woman in your son's life', which has got to sting a bit).

My MIL is mildly irritating - but not a patch on the alcoholic, bitter, delusional one I could have ended up with, had I married my first bf, so I feel like I dodged a bullet :D

I've just remembered another, BIL this time

For his parents 40th wedding anniversary he wanted their present to be just from their children (3 boys) not including me (who was married to one of them) or his own wife and 18 month old son

(Posted too soon)

As we weren't family! His own wife and son! She divorced him a few years later

For every nightmare MiL there is probably a nightmare DiL.

My friend's DiL looked upon her DH (friend's DS) as a possession. At the wedding she told friend, "He's mine now." And did all she could to drive them apart. If her DH wanted to visit his DPs she was suddenly "ill". If he went on his own she'd phone constantly demanding he came home.

She threw tantrums at family parties that she deigned to attend because her DH wasn't paying her enough attention. My friend put up with it all for the sake of her DS and never criticised her.

It came to a head when DiL decided she wanted children and started to lay down the law before she was even pregnant. Her DH had a vision of how his future would be and left her. She told everyone that her DH's mother was the cause but fortunately no one believed her because they'd seen her in action.

She tried to hold up the divorce and did all she could - fake suicide attempts, fake cancer diagnosis - to try to force him to go back to her. She told him no one would ever love him like she did. And he told her he was very glad of that and he could easily get another wife but he only had one mother and father and they would always be in his life.

He's remarried now with a lovely DW and DCs and they all have a good relationship with both sets of in laws. She's still single.

Wow again at these!

My sil is also a nightmare. Much better now but when it came to me and DH getting engaged and planning wedding I asked my 2 sisters to be bridesmaids and asked DH if he wanted to ask her.

She was already 35 and married herself and (promise no judgement) very, very large and absolutely would not have worn a dress or have people look at her. All husbands words and completely true.

So shock - I get a phone call from FIL saying I have upset sil as its obvious I haven't asked her because she's fat. (His words not mine). I explained and said I would ask her - big mistake.

She moaned about fucking everything!!!! June wedding so I picked out beautiful knee length dress - she wanted full length. I told her that's not what I wanted but she made a massive fuss. So I had to pay double for her dress not only because of the size but extra for the length.

She argued about hair. I wanted half up half down, loose waves and paid for them all to have their hair done. She made a fuss but I put my foot down. She spent the whole I king morning dragging the curls out of her hair!

I bought all 3 bridesmaids a surprise - a Tiffany necklace each to wear on the day as a thank you. I gave it to her as we were all getting ready to leave and she frowned and said the chain was too short and she shouldn't wear it. I was fully dressed to go to venue and was having to run around my parents house to find a chain long enough - even though the other was perfectly fine!!!!

In the end the whole wedding she moaned and bitched along with her mil - told me as we were about to walk down aisle she was going to have a panic attack and didn't want anybody to look at her and said she had a migraine for the whole day and sat with a sour face. Anything for attention.

XH was extremely, obsessively jealous. Any and every interaction I had with a man, was, in his view, the gateway to an affair. His DM colluded with him in this, to the extent of paying someone to follow me and report my movements.

She used to ring work for all sorts of spurious reasons, checking that I was where I was supposed to be (XH was abroad a lot). I gave her my direct line number which was answered by my PA. This was a mistake. If my PA said that I was unavailable for any reason, and would ring her back,she would later accuse me of having been elsewhere and claim that the PA would tip me off so that I would call back pretending to be at work. In the end she thought she'd got one over on me by ringing through via the switchboard s my "lookout" couldn't alert me .

On the occasion of SiL's wedding, she arranged for one of the venue staff to distract me so that I wasn't in any of the family pics. She did this because she reckoned that XH and I were going to split up eventually so there was no point in having me in the pics. We did split, but so did SiL .

I could go on...

I have a son and have had to face the dreadful truth that I will be a MIL one day, and I don't think I'm going to be good at it. DS, who is eight, has had two girlfriends, of the sort where they stand in the playground looking embarrassed at each other, and I've thought both of them were lovely. I'm insisting DS is nice to them.

I really don't want to go down the road of some of these examples.

This is a classic from now ex mil, at the time had been with husband about 2 years and I was only young no kids etc. I had felt really pleased with myself as I had wrote all my xmas cards early as husband never bothered doing it.

Gave mil her card which she then burst into tears and nearly had a breakdown, the reason was because the card didn't say MUM on it , it was a general xmas card but nice all the same.

She kicked off big time and gave it back to husband whilst I didn't know what to do. Husband never bothered sending her Xmas cards before me but somehow she now expected ones with MUM on as we were married. I had committed an ultimate sin as apparently all the family have proper cards with mum, gran , sister on etc and she couldn't put it on the mantelpiece now as that's where the special named cards go. ( she had a system for cards!)

Stupidly I bought another with mum on and wrote in that and gave it to her but now I think back I think she was really ungrateful as she knew not to expect anything from her son.

Few years down the line she met a partner and I had a child and I remember thinking what bloody card faux paus am I going to make now , am I going to have to scour the shops specifically for Mum and partner card and then Gran and partner card from my son.

Crystal I think the fear of that saying is behind a lot of the behaviour. MIL only has Sons and whereas FIL generally just says that he now has daughters as well, MIL had a real fear for a long time that we would take her sons away from her - she was convinced that me and DH would emigrate because we enjoyed travelling abroad so much when we were younger. She put that blame onto me because I'm a raging hippy I was the unknown quantity I suppose.

pmsl at the mother in law who shut the door in your face.

deranged

Some of these are shocking but there are some that are not too bad I don't think, the babysitting voucher one especially. And when I'm a mil I don't think I'd like a generic Christmas card without 'Mum' on it either to be honest! Although I wouldn't cry or kick off about it, or blame dil as it would be just as much my ds's responsibility.

My MIL (who lives in the US) called my husband about 8 times in a row, landline, mobile. He assumed something was really wrong, called back in a panic. No, she was standing in a shop with a big sale on and wanted to know if we wanted some tea towels.

I have tales and tales about my evil SIL but can't be bothered to give her the air time