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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We have a rare child free day and night .....

90 replies

MyballsareSandy · 17/01/2015 11:34

..... so DH and I have planned a lovely walk later this afternoon, to a little pub with an open fire, great food, good wine. Really looking forward to it, spending some time alone.

Mentioned this to a friend yesterday when we were talking about the weekend - she has just sent me a text saying she's managed to get a babysitter and would love to join us, what time are we setting off etc.

WTF!! Angry

Help me compose a reply please.

OP posts:
needaholidaynow · 17/01/2015 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Liondemer · 17/01/2015 11:39

Arghhhh! I'd just say 'usually it would be with pleasure but DH and I havent had a day alone in....(insert time here), next time!'

Short and simple, not over apologetic. You can't just invite yourself along and not expect that it might not be ok!

jumbo79 · 17/01/2015 11:40

I'd frame it so that she couldn't possibly confuse - something like "Apologies if I didn't explain, it's a date night with [your DH's name] - looking forward to catching up with you another time though!"

Or even better, give her a call, not just a text, to explain. But emphasize that there's been a mis-communication, that it's a special night between your DH and you, and try to focus on a positive.

There's no way she's not going to feel rejected, but i guess you'll just have to accept that to some extent.

And make sure there's no similar mis-communication next time (not sure how it happened).

Perfectlypurple · 17/01/2015 11:41

Wow, how presumptuous. Just reply and say that you are having some alone time but will arrange something with her at another time.

SaucyJack · 17/01/2015 11:41

Tell her to dig out her best gooseberry costume and stock up on lube and body paint for a 7pm start.

crazylady12 · 17/01/2015 11:44

Lose your phone for the day tell her you didn't get her message: )

Original poster
MyballsareSandy · 17/01/2015 11:45

I'm sure she can't have misunderstood the conversation yesterday. I remember saying how much we were look forward to it as we seem to be ships that pass in the night atm.

OP posts:
iklboo · 17/01/2015 11:45

Definitely explain the situation. How on earth did she come to the conclusion your description of your plans was a 'free for all' invitation to join you? If my friend told me her plans for a day / night out with her DH I wouldn't think I'd be included. OR welcome to gatecrash!

SocialMediaAddict · 17/01/2015 11:51

The cheek of some people never fails to amaze me! Bizarre.

Text it's a rare day alone and you'll make a plan with her soon.

TruJay · 17/01/2015 11:56

Oh dear, I don't even know how u could come to the conclusion it would be ok to tag along in this situation.
I agree a simple text is suffice, u don't even need to say sorry as there is nothing to apologise for.
Its a rare day alone for dh and yourself, u can catch up with your friend any time.
Have a lovely day

PuppyMonkey · 17/01/2015 11:57

Tell her you have something really important to discuss with your DP so you'd really appreciate her giving you some time alone together.

Original poster
MyballsareSandy · 17/01/2015 12:02

Some good responses here, thanks. This isn't something I would ever dream of doing but she's not the only one in our circle. I can think of at least one other who would/does do the same. Bizarre.

DHs reply isn't printable Grin

OP posts:
skylark2 · 17/01/2015 12:04

I would just not answer - surely she'll assume you've already left?

Not being glued to your mobile can be an advantage in these situations :)

bluecheque4595 · 17/01/2015 12:04

I am withCrazycatlady. Occasionally texts go missing. innocent look

KitKat1985 · 17/01/2015 12:05

I'd honestly just say 'sorry hope you don't mind but me and DH haven't had a day together in ages, could we do something together another time?'.

Liondemer · 17/01/2015 13:31

Don't say that you didn't get the text! For a start it's dishonest and it could almost imply that it would have been ok if you did receive it!

Have a nice time, sounds lovely. Can I come...?! Grin

fishinabarrell · 17/01/2015 13:55

Just text back: We'll have to arrange some time together soon, tomorrow is just for DH and myself to get some really quality time together. Let me know when you'd like to catch up in the next few weeks.'

SIBU to invite herself along. Very rude.

fishinabarrell · 17/01/2015 13:56

You didn't tell her the time or the pub though did you? She may just turn up unless you are very clear.

CalicoBlue · 17/01/2015 14:04

Test and say it is just the two of you today.

If you don't reply you risk her meeting you there, then that would be awkward.

I have a friend who used to do thing like this, she was so thick skinned that I would have to spell it out 'No, don't come!' worked for her, but it was impossible to offend her.

Original poster
MyballsareSandy · 17/01/2015 14:36

I haven't replied yet, I'm being a coward. She has sent the same text again .... I mean, how thick skinned can you be. Incredible really. I have had problems in the past with this friend, I may have mentioned it on here. She is a lovely lovely lady and great company but too full on at times. For example, she'll ring my mobile, I won't answer as I'll be busy with the kids or working (sometimes at home), so she'll ring the house phone and leave a message, then ring back on the mobile a couple of times, all within the space of about 5 minutes. Very bloody odd IMO, just leave a sodding message on the first call and leave it at that.

It won't take much to work out where we are - there are only two decent pubs within walking distance to eat at around here.

Right, I'm texting now. "Sorry, no not sorry someone up thread was right about that, me and DH have been looking forward to a bit of time alone, as life has been ridiculously hectic lately with DH setting up his own business, working crazy hours, and the kids wanting to do more clubs, have more friends round etc etc".

Sounds too much detail reading it back. Sod it. I need to go on an assertiveness course. Work pretty much told me that recently.

OP posts:
TheSortingCat · 17/01/2015 14:41
Shock

Just text back "I think there's been a misunderstanding - it is a much-anticipated date for DH and me. Have a nice child-free day yourself. Will catch up soon."

Jengnr · 17/01/2015 14:41

Just say 'sorry we want to spend time together today'

Or tell her you want to get pissed and shag :D

TheSortingCat · 17/01/2015 14:41

Don't give reasons - if she's this thick-skinned, she'll try to "solve" them for you and end up still coming!

Be firm.

waithorse · 17/01/2015 14:41

She is very unreasonable. What a nerve. Shock

Original poster
MyballsareSandy · 17/01/2015 14:42

Reminded me of another friend (why do I attract this sort!). She has friends in Canada who they meet up with sometimes in the States for hols, every couple of years. The daughter of this Canadian couple has married an English guy and settled over here, just had a baby. Lives about a 4 hour drive away.

Anyway, this pushy friend decided it would be nice for her and her DH/DD to break up the xmas hols by visiting this daughter so she rang her mobile, left a message. The daughter didn't respond, so friend rang again, left another message, also sent a couple of texts, inviting herself up to hers for a couple of days between xmas and new year. No response at all.

So instead of thinking to herself, we're probably aren't wanted, they aren't friends of hers, just friends of her parents for christs sake, she's just had a baby etc etc. Oh no, she rings the girls parents in Canada complaining that she isn't getting a response, asking the parents to sort the trip out for her.

Poor girl eventually contacts her and arranges it, very reluctantly. Shock

I just don't get it at all.

OP posts:
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