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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We have a rare child free day and night .....

90 replies

MyballsareSandy · 17/01/2015 11:34

..... so DH and I have planned a lovely walk later this afternoon, to a little pub with an open fire, great food, good wine. Really looking forward to it, spending some time alone.

Mentioned this to a friend yesterday when we were talking about the weekend - she has just sent me a text saying she's managed to get a babysitter and would love to join us, what time are we setting off etc.

WTF!! Angry

Help me compose a reply please.

OP posts:
clam · 17/01/2015 16:12

Yeah, I couldn't let it go either. And if other people are beginning to avoid her on account of her habit of gate-crashing, it sounds like she's overdue for a bit of feedback.

fishinabarrell · 17/01/2015 16:15

I'd text back and call her on it OP, perhaps if you and others do she will stop behaving like this.

Now you are in the wrong in her eyes when she is the rude one.

Jackiebrambles · 17/01/2015 16:20

I vote ignore. She's mental saying you are rude!!!

Your day out sounds amazing, I'm jealous!

Jackie0 · 17/01/2015 16:22

I wouldn't have a friend like this, not for long anyway, because I would go nuts and tell her exactly what I thought.
I've been burned with hangers on like this in the past and I'm much more assertive these days.
How bloody dare she. Is she single by any chance?

milkysmum · 17/01/2015 16:23

I think you should absolutely put it back to her that it was in fact her that was rude inviting herself along on your date!

SuchSweetSorrow · 17/01/2015 16:25

bloody hell, how rude is she?!

clam · 17/01/2015 16:27

The trouble with taking the moral high ground and ignoring behaviour like this, is that it goes right over their heads, and they continue to believe they're in the right. Their bad behaviour then continues (as in this case, as others are reporting similar things).

DraggingDownDownDown · 17/01/2015 16:28

I would have to point out that she is the rude one too! otherwise it would grate on me every time I saw her and would become more of an issue than it needed to be!

fuzzpig · 17/01/2015 16:38

Rude?!? But you didn't invite her. How odd.

CalicoBlue · 17/01/2015 16:51

She sounds nuts, don't spoil your day be getting caught up in a text feud with her. Have a lovely evening!

Jackiebrambles · 17/01/2015 16:53

Yeah maybe just ignore for tonight, enjoy your day and night and then text tomorrow. If you are bothered about the friendship that is!

Topseyt · 17/01/2015 17:28

Does she have any concept of social etiquette or respect for boundaries, or does she think that a couple saying they are off out for some time together are somehow automatically issuing her an invitation to join them?

Very presumptuous and socially inept of her. I would just HAVE to reply and say that to her. My text would probably not be particularly diplomatic either. It would be along the lines of "You weren't asked to get a babysitter. It isn't you I'm going on a date with but you rudely assumed you could gatecrash play gooseberry".

Normally I can be tactful, but I have often found that with people like that the only way can be to be blunt, otherwise they simply don't "get it".

waithorse · 17/01/2015 17:34

She thinks you're the rude one, that is very amusing. Grin

clam · 17/01/2015 17:42

And why is it ok for her to think (and tell you) you're rude, but not for you to point out that you think the same back?

MaryWestmacott · 17/01/2015 18:13

You certainly should tell her she's been the rude one, she needs to learn to ask first!

But as I said, I think she's one to be phased out of your life. Some people are hard work and life is short.

LaLa5 · 17/01/2015 18:34

How very odd!

I'd definitely have to reply 'I'm sorry you think I'm rude, but not sure why you decided to get a babysitter as it was always a date night for me and dh. Let's catch up another time'.

iklboo · 17/01/2015 18:45

I'd have to call her on this. She's hoping you'll cave in by making out you're the bad guy. Next text will be about her being all alone on a Saturday night, dressed up & nowhere to go (DM sadface).

londonrach · 17/01/2015 18:46

Whoops you forgot to check your phone. Really sorry love to catch up and spend some time with her. Whens best for her. (Hope you had lovely child free day and night)

MinceSpy · 17/01/2015 18:50

Bit rude!!! I'd start going NC with her.

Spinaroo · 17/01/2015 18:55

I was going to say I agree with delgirl when I saw she had texted back- but is it within the realms of possibility that both texts were jokey? Hard to get jokes/sarcasm on texts. What's her sense of humour normally like?

Ememem84 · 17/01/2015 19:33

agree. next message/facebook post will be along the lines of this:

"all dressed up with no where to go on a saturday night - shame as had babysitter arranged for kids" then she will probably tag you in it. you know, all passive aggressive style...

in future i would just say when mentioning plans that you are going out for dinner/having date night. no specifics. thats what i do now.

dustarr73 · 17/01/2015 19:36

Neck like a jockeys bollix,Grin

weeblueberry · 17/01/2015 20:12

Just say 'oh hadn't realised I'd made it sound like it was anything other than a date night with DH - hope you still have a lovely night sans kids!!'

Then avoid avoid avoid...

lomega · 17/01/2015 21:01

People actually do this?! Your friend is very rude and BU. You WNBU to say 'hey I'm really sorry but it's a bit of a date night for me and DH, we haven't spent much time as a couple lately. Let's meet up on --- instead'

lomega · 17/01/2015 21:06

Just seen her reply and I am actually gobsmacked. I wouldn't be able to let that reply go. Pleeeeease respond with something cutting op?! How are you still friends with this woman?