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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my wealthy dm shou!d of paid for the coat she pushed me into buying

99 replies

alittlethyme · 17/01/2015 09:22

Was out shopping with DM a few months ago.she insisted on dragging me into peacocks as she didn't like my coat, said it was scruffy andi need a new one.

We found one that was alright,but I said I just couldn't justify the money at the moment. SHe went on about not worring about it and she will help me out. So she bought it,but has now asked me for the money.

Money with me is very very tight, but she is well off. Aibu to think it was a gift ?

OP posts:

chanie44 · 17/01/2015 16:41

I think it was very mean of the mum. Personally, I would say I thought it was a gift and that if id have known it was a loan, I wouldn't have bought it. Then I would offer a repayment plan to clear the debt, as I suspect the mum may well keep bringing it up.

pluCaChange · 17/01/2015 16:59

Charming. She didn't like the coat you did have because she preferred a coat she had forced you to get, and that she could then try to force you to pay her back for. Well, you don't prefer such a coat: give it back to her.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2015 11:09

Op did you return the coat, with a message for her to stick it up her bum. Of course op had every right to expect that the coat was a gift, and she is anything but entitled or grabby. Her mum on the other hand is a nasty cunning piece of work.

Mum knew op needed a new coat, and pointed it out to her, op said she could not afford it right now, op mum told her it was ok, she would take care of it, nothing mentioned of a loan. Mum can well afford it, 3 weeks later she wants the money , who does this to their child, especially when they know they are struggling financially, it horrid. It does not matter that op is an adult, it hurts just the same.

MargotLovedTom · 18/01/2015 15:59

I'd love to know how it would go if somebody came on here to say they'd insisted on buying their elderly mum a coat because she couldn't afford one, but they want the money for it now thankyouverymuch. Oh and they've got plenty of money on the bank and the mum is struggling financially.

Would anyone really come on here saying "Of course you should get your money back OP, you're not obliged to be generous and your mum's very entitled to think she can have this coat for free."

Would they balls! It would be 100% yabu, totally mean and you should be ashamed.

SpaghettiMeatballs · 18/01/2015 16:07

Completely agree with expat. There is no way I wouldn't buy my DD a £40 coat if she couldn't afford a new one.

I sympathise OP.

cottageinthecountry · 18/01/2015 16:09

When my Mum was well enough to go shopping with me I daredn't say I liked anything because she would just say 'I'll buy it for you'. And she would, bless her. That's normal though isn't it? Especially when you've got dependents and are not earning well. You help out?

Now when we go out for lunch, she's still better off than me (marginally) but I'm quicker on the draw with the card and I just pay. Thank you this thread has made me appreciate my mother that bit more and made me a bit tearful because she's not doing so well (health wise) now.

SpaghettiMeatballs · 18/01/2015 16:19

I'm sorry to hear that cottage. She sounds like a lovely mum.

cottageinthecountry · 18/01/2015 16:21

I think we should all club together and buy this lovely woman a great big fat shiny expensive new coat. She can then go and visit her mother and tell her that 'people who care' bought it for her.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2015 16:26

I agree Cottage, I would give something towards it. I paid £100 for my O Neil coat some 14 years ago, it still looks great and has worn so well. Lets club together and get op a nice quality coat . If my dc was struggling financially, I could afford it, and noticed they needed new coat or whatever, I certainly would put my hands in my pocket. You don't stop being their mum/dad just because they are an adult.

Original poster

alittlethyme · 18/01/2015 21:26

Thanks everyone, its been a very testing weekend what with staying with DM to save money while going to a wedding. Finally home now and don't think I'll be staying again with her any time soon, could raise loads of aibu about this weekend,but I'm doing my best to forget it.

I could of afforded a coat,but there is better and more important things for my money, especially as my old coat is fine. Anyway I offed the coat back, she didn't want it. Left Avery bitter taste so will sling it away deep under my bed as it's just a reminder for a terrible time.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2015 21:30

Oh no op, yes I read your wedding thread too . Don't pay her any money, tough she should have been more explicit at the time about it being a loan, not 3 weeks after.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/01/2015 21:31

She sounds mighty toxic.

judydoes · 18/01/2015 21:53

I'd stick it on eBay or something, OP-if she won't have it and you don't want it!

I wear clothes until they drop to bits, even if I do have spare money at the time. You're not an ornament to please people, if you think your current coat is okay then you keep wearing it :)

NoArmaniNoPunani · 18/01/2015 21:53

She sounds awful. I agree with PP, this is not so much about money but control.

Simile · 18/01/2015 23:06

Fuckmath · 18/01/2015 23:13

She sounds an absolute bitch

Of course it's not a loan - a loan would require both of you to agree to that. She didnt even try to raise the possibility of the so called loan until weeks after she had already given it to you as a gift.

Tightfisted cow.

Original poster

alittlethyme · 20/01/2015 21:12

Dropped the coat off at a charity shop today, one I won't be passing again. Actually made me feel a lot better for a short time about the whole stupid thing :)

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2015 21:16

That's good, very cathartic I bet

cottageinthecountry · 20/01/2015 22:04

Brilliant. I guess you won't be going shopping with her for a while either. Live, learn and move on.

notnaice · 21/01/2015 11:33

So are you on speaking terms with her? What did she say about the loan when you offered the coat back?

nunkspugget · 21/01/2015 12:29

A very poetic ending.....someone will now get a new coat who wouldn't have otherwise afforded it! Although, still shit for you op.

DamsonInDistress · 21/01/2015 12:34

Giving it to charity is rather cutting off your nose to spite your face don't you think? Now you don't have a coat either!

florentina1 · 21/01/2015 13:33

Not cutting of your nose. I think this is amazingly generous, bearing iin mind that the OP has given an indication of her financial circumstances.

Clearly OP you are a much nicer person than your mother

RobotLover68 · 21/01/2015 13:43

Giving it to charity is rather cutting off your nose to spite your face don't you think? Now you don't have a coat either!

I'd have done the same - I also have controlling parents - alittlethyme can I recommend this book? It was a lightbulb moment for me and I've never looked back

www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_11?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=if+you+had+controlling+parents&sprefix=if+you+had+%2Caps%2C199

they have used versions on offer for about £3

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