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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my wealthy dm shou!d of paid for the coat she pushed me into buying

99 replies

alittlethyme · 17/01/2015 09:22

Was out shopping with DM a few months ago.she insisted on dragging me into peacocks as she didn't like my coat, said it was scruffy andi need a new one.

We found one that was alright,but I said I just couldn't justify the money at the moment. SHe went on about not worring about it and she will help me out. So she bought it,but has now asked me for the money.

Money with me is very very tight, but she is well off. Aibu to think it was a gift ?

OP posts:
youlookbeautifultonight · 17/01/2015 11:56

YANBU.

GretnaGreen · 17/01/2015 11:56

And yes, offer her the coat back if you just want done with it all. I hope she's embarrassed.

expatinscotland · 17/01/2015 11:58

Thing with a payment plan is it prolongs control over you. Give it back and be done with it.

TedAndLola · 17/01/2015 11:59

I also don't understand how anyone would think this was a loan, unless it was specifically mentioned at the time. I agree with giving her the coat back, then she can't accuse you of trying to get something for free through dishonesty.

DoItTooJulia · 17/01/2015 12:01

Oh, and her tightfisted ness is why she is wealthy. Op, what are you going to do?

Aeroflotgirl · 17/01/2015 12:05

Very mean of her, especially if she insisted and is wealthy herself. Tell her you will pay her back, when you are able to and leave it at that.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/01/2015 12:06

or offer her the coat back, how nasty of her. There is a reason why some are wealthy.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 17/01/2015 12:28

If she's intended this as a loan, she would have said, 'I'll lend it to you you can pay me back after Christmas' and then you would have declined!

This is very nasty behaviour, I also can't understand people who think if you find this upsetting you are 'entitled' and that no-one should expect anything. I give my brother money/food when I can, my mum gives me and the children tonnes of stuff- it's what a lot of families do. I have also borrowed money and paid it back, but it's not muddled up with gifts.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/01/2015 12:34

Yes it is very nasty especially when she insisted and said nothing at tge time about it being a loan, then you had the option of declining. She knew you could not afford it. Is she always this nasty. I çoukd not do that to my son or daughter.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/01/2015 12:41

Usually parents like that are nasty and toxic anyway.

Pagwatch · 17/01/2015 12:43

" DoItTooJulia Sat 17-Jan-15 12:01:12
Oh, and her tightfisted ness is why she is wealthy."

I doubt that. The stereotype of anyone with money getting it by being mean is getting old. It's as boring as the idea that anyone poor just didn't try.
She would be mean and unpleasant whether she had £10 or £1,000,0000

I was generous when I was down to my last quid and I'm generous now.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 17/01/2015 12:51

"I couldn't afford it at the time, I had no need of a new coat, you were the one who thought I did and I most certainly can't afford it right now."

What I'd be most offended by is being coerced into buying a coat at bloody Peacocks. If I was going to accept a loan or a gift of a coat, I'd ensure it was one which could last more than one season.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/01/2015 13:12

I scoop op had told her she çoukd not afford it before the coat was bought. You can get much cheaper at ASDA or TESCO. It is an incredibly underhanded and nasty thing to do. Yes op mum should not rub her face in it, talking about the new kitchen she bought and holidays, knowing op is struggling fianancially. I thought families helped each other.

Gruntfuttock · 17/01/2015 13:14

expatinscotland "Who the fuck are all these 'families' who would begrudge their own daughter a fucking £40 coat? For real? How fucking mean!"

My thoughts exactly. I don't understand how any mother could treat her daughter like this.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 17/01/2015 13:15

I'd say I still can't afford it and give it her back.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 17/01/2015 13:17

"Mum, I told you I couldnt afford the coat. My situation hasnt changed. Feel free to forego me a future birthday present in leui of the coat you tight bastard or I can always give you the coat"

Skatingfastonthinice · 17/01/2015 13:20

'I was generous when I was down to my last quid and I'm generous now.'

I agree, it's not about the amount, it's about the attitude and how relationships work within your family.

Mammanat222 · 17/01/2015 13:27

Agree with majority here. Sounds like mother dearest is a bit of a manipulative bitch.... who takes their piss poor daughter into a pretty low end shop, after criticising her appearance and effectively forces her to have a new coat and then asks for the money back? Reeks of control to me.

This is aside from the fact dm is 'wealthy'

OP - I'd offer the coat back too.

DoItTooJulia · 17/01/2015 13:30

Actually, you're right pag, I'm generous and would be if I was rich or poor.

But, I have to say, the wealthier the person, the stranger the attitude to money in my experience.

MargotLovedTom · 17/01/2015 13:39

I absolute fucking hate the 'entitled' catcalls and 'nobody is obliged to be generous' shit that comes up on here. Nobody is obliged to be a tightfisted, mean arsed tightwad either.

Christ! If I had plenty of money in the bank and I could see that my son or daughter, of no matter what age, needed a new coat which they couldn't afford to buy for themselves then why the hell wouldn't I buy one for them? I just can't get my head round it.

Aridane · 17/01/2015 13:41

Take the coat back to the shop?

MabelSideswipe · 17/01/2015 13:47

I can't get my head around this. My mum would have been forcing a new coat on me in the same position as I would be with my kids too. Mean beyond belief!

Dognado · 17/01/2015 13:51

'I absolute fucking hate the 'entitled' catcalls and 'nobody is obliged to be generous' shit that comes up on here. Nobody is obliged to be a tightfisted, mean arsed tightwad either. '

Quite.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/01/2015 13:51

I agree Margot, it just shows the nasty and spiteful attitude of op mother. My mother is tight but comfortable, she has always helped me out when I'm struggling and does not expect any repayment. I hope to do the same for my dcs. Op give the coat back and distance yourself, she sounds utterly awful.

Inertia · 17/01/2015 14:41

She insisted on you buying the coat, and that coupled with the phrasing made it sound as though she was buying you the coat.

I would tell her that you don't have the money, which you explained at the time. You could give her the coat back. I wouldn't bother shopping with her again, and to be honest I'd be considering the impact of her behaviour in general. She seems to be on a mission to humiliate you - firstly by telling you how scruffy you looked, and then by demanding money she knows you don't have.