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AIBU?

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Original poster

To accept this very large tip ?

79 replies

BreakfastAtStephanies · 16/01/2015 21:37

I work in a profession ( am not a doctor or lawyer ). A client came to see me today who I have known for years. 80 + years old, funny, great character, likes things done her way and I make sure they are. I get on well with her, we have a laugh. She is landed gentry with a title and manor house. She has recently been very ill ( almost died ) but has recovered.

Today at the end of her time with me she produced a thick wad of banknotes, peeled off a crisp £ 50 and tried to give it to me.

I protested, tried to dissuade her, politely declining but she insisted: " Buy something that you like or take your husband out to dinner ". In the end it seemed rude to continue to refuse so I pocketed it and thanked her. I said that I didn't know what to say. She said not to say anything just give her a hug. So I did !

WIBU to accept the largest tip I have been given in 25 years of work ? Should I have made her put her money away ? What tips/ things in kind have you received for your hard graft ?

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 17/01/2015 01:32

Elysian

When I start using the Daily Mail to make decisions, my nearest & dearest have permission to shoot me!

They could make Mother Tesessa look like the devil incarnate and Hilter a saint.

BoredChurch · 17/01/2015 01:55

I don't know your employer and I don't know what the terms of your employment are but I would still ask your employer. I'm not sure why you wouldn't.

I think accepting money off and being secretive about it from someone who may be seen as being 'vulnerable' (you know she is but that's not how it might come across to someone else iyswim) is asking for trouble.

If you were in a non caring job I wouldn't think it would matter as much.

BoredChurch · 17/01/2015 01:56

Sorry typo..

'You know she isn't vulnerable but...'

musicalendorphins2 · 17/01/2015 03:00

I would mail it back with a pleasant note card saying you are happy she is happy with your care of her, but tips are not allowed.

SunshineAndShadows · 17/01/2015 03:08

Another professional here and I would deem it unethical to not declare a gift like that. If you don't think it's a problem then don't hide it

claraschu · 17/01/2015 03:14

She wanted to do something nice for a person who has helped her. Just enjoy the gesture and think fondly of her. It might be against the letter of the rules, but it's not against the spirit, as you will not be influenced or have your judgement clouded by his tip.

LordEmsworth · 17/01/2015 06:06

It might be against the letter of the rules, but it's not against the spirit

Do you think that would be persuasive in a disciplinary for gross misconduct? If so, then no worries. Personally, I wouldn't risk my job over it...

Mrsstarlord · 17/01/2015 08:12

If you work in healthcare, by definition your client is vulnerable, no matter who employs you. If you are her therapist / nurse / whatever, you are in a position of power. So, a person in a position of power has taken £50 from a vulnerable person. You are also now talking about keeping it secret. All alarm bells for me I'm afraid. It's very different from being a hairdresser or working in a hotel. You may not want to see that but that's how a tribunal would see it - you would clearly like to keep the money, hence not wanting to declare it but the shit could well hit the fan.

Ultimately though, you will do what you want.

Purplepoodle · 17/01/2015 08:18

Was she nhs patient or private? If nhs then Id say no you can't keep the tip, if she was a private patient then I would have a quick chat with manager.

Original poster
BreakfastAtStephanies · 17/01/2015 08:51

Thanks for link FightOr I'm going to work now but will have a look at it later.
MusicalEndorphins - fab username by the way. I had thought of returning it to her graciously when she collects her new specs

OP posts:
Mrsstarlord · 17/01/2015 08:58

Aah, you work in an opticians? Thats slightly different, although I would still check with your manager. If your profession requires you to maintain professional registration I would say that you would be bound by the same rules as other healthcare professions, if you are more of a customer service role then probably less restrictions although the company who employ you might have policies on this.
If someone gave me a box of chocolates I would always accept on behalf of the team but would never accept personal gifts (someone tried to give me jewellery once).
Maybe a way around it is to say that you will put it towards the team christmas do or something?

MinceSpy · 17/01/2015 09:02

I'm a professional and its against my professions code of conduct. I'd be putting myself in a dodgy position accepting a,tip.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/01/2015 09:02

YANbU keep it, she appreciates your work, it's a nice amount, but not massive, keep it!

GretnaGreen · 17/01/2015 09:05

if you are in a profession regulated by professional body (for example the General Optical Council) I would check with them as to whether or not accepting the tip would breach professional rules.

I would also look at your employers employee handbook which may have a section on what to do if going to give you a present for a tip. I would also check with my employer if i was in any doubt about whether or not they would be ok with me accepting the trip. I would not risk my job or my professional reputation for the sake of a £50 tip.

Personally (I am also in a regulated profession although I am self employed) my policy generally is that gifts are ok within reason as a thank you at the end of our professional/client relationship. I would not accept a gift during a relationship and I certainly would never accept money under any circumstances.

For me as a self employed person the main concern would be whether the client having tipped once would then feel obliged to keep tipping to ensure the same level of service, which i would never want, but I also just feel very uncomfortable about accepting additional cash, even at the end of our dealings, as a member of a profession that is not generally seen as being very hard up.

cardamomginger · 17/01/2015 09:16

To cover yourself and make sure it is all in the open, I think you should tell your employer what happened. Who knows what she may say to someone else and whether this could come back to bite you on the arse. The current read where a hotel employee was fired for drinking an unwanted can of soda from a guest's room is scary reading. Most feel this was a total overreaction, but it's happened. FGS cover yourself!

cardamomginger · 17/01/2015 09:17

Thread not read

Bakeoffcakes · 17/01/2015 09:21

I would check with your manager as you don't seem to know if you are allowed to keep it.

You have to ask yourself if £50 is really worth getting sacked for?

Bowlersarm · 17/01/2015 09:36

God I think I'm scared of my own shadow if I think I've done something verging on illegal, but I would keep it if i were you. If it ever comes out - it won't - I'd just say I donated it to a charity I thought she would approve of.

nhsworker15 · 17/01/2015 09:40

I'd declare it, it's really not worth risking your professionalism over. In fact I'd donate it to a charity.

Hulababy · 17/01/2015 09:51

Dh often receives gifts as part of his professional work. Often as thank yous for past work or continuing relations etc. He has never received cash but often gifts which are worth a lot of money. And also days it, meals out, etc.

He is allowed to keep these and doesn't have to declare them afaik. His is a private firm.

Hulababy · 17/01/2015 09:52

Fight or flight - many old school type wealthy people carry a lot of cash around with them. It's not unusual.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/01/2015 14:31

Mrsstarlord, just because you use healthcare services does not make a person vulnerable and unable to think for themselves. Op has to be the judge of that as she knows her client, not us. This person has been with op for 25 years, and gives a small tip to show her appreciation. Its a small amount, we are not talking £100 or £1000!

Aeroflotgirl · 17/01/2015 14:32

Yes do declare it to your employer if you are employed by somebody, if your self employed, that is different. Gosh I gave an extra £30 to the plumber for doing a fantastic job, should I panick in case he did not declare it!

samsam123 · 17/01/2015 16:43

She wanted you to have it so spend it on something nice and next time you see her tell her what a great time you had she will be really happy I am sure. Can't see the problem

Original poster
BreakfastAtStephanies · 17/01/2015 18:56

Thanks for all this. Am definitely not going to spend it just yet. Will check my employer's rules, also the optometry regulations. My DH says if she had wanted to give it to charity she would have. I know that's not the point and I don't need the money. I do support several charities with monthly donations ( plus extra sponsoring one offs to other charities when anyone I know runs a marathon or climbs to Everest Base Camp ). Just going to keep it in a safe place for now until I figure out what to do !

OP posts:
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