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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To accept this very large tip ?

79 replies

BreakfastAtStephanies · 16/01/2015 21:37

I work in a profession ( am not a doctor or lawyer ). A client came to see me today who I have known for years. 80 + years old, funny, great character, likes things done her way and I make sure they are. I get on well with her, we have a laugh. She is landed gentry with a title and manor house. She has recently been very ill ( almost died ) but has recovered.

Today at the end of her time with me she produced a thick wad of banknotes, peeled off a crisp £ 50 and tried to give it to me.

I protested, tried to dissuade her, politely declining but she insisted: " Buy something that you like or take your husband out to dinner ". In the end it seemed rude to continue to refuse so I pocketed it and thanked her. I said that I didn't know what to say. She said not to say anything just give her a hug. So I did !

WIBU to accept the largest tip I have been given in 25 years of work ? Should I have made her put her money away ? What tips/ things in kind have you received for your hard graft ?

OP posts:
thornrose · 17/01/2015 00:02

It's £50, not that much in the grand scheme of things surely?

Original poster
BreakfastAtStephanies · 17/01/2015 00:04

ChippinInLatte - that sounds like the best suggestion so far, I like that

OP posts:
BiteySwan · 17/01/2015 00:12

I think I'd stick it in a charity box and tell work that's what I'd done, as the client refused to take it back.

hippo123 · 17/01/2015 00:13

If you work for the nhs you need to declare it. You would be in serious shit if you didn't.

FightOrFlight · 17/01/2015 00:20

Take it easy there FightOr, don't want to strain your brain

Doesn't take much these days to be honest, even choosing what socks to wear kills off a significant amount of grey matter < damn this menopause! >

Original poster
BreakfastAtStephanies · 17/01/2015 00:21

My employer holds an NHS contract but I am not employed by the NHS.

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 17/01/2015 00:21

Two people on a room.

Who is going to be telling anyone?

Original poster
BreakfastAtStephanies · 17/01/2015 00:26

Ha ha FightOr ! I have the same problem working out which boxer shorts belong to which male in the clean laundry pile < leaves them all in massive heap and lets DS and DH fight it out - may the best man win >

OP posts:
ChippingInLatteLover · 17/01/2015 00:26

Old =/= senile Hmm. My 85 year old aunt has more savvy than half the people on MN!

It's £50 off of a lovely old lady, who can well afford it. She wants to treat the OP to a little something nice, while she can.

If she wanted to give money to charity, she would.
If she wanted to give it to the op's boss, she would.
If she wanted to give it to her family, she would.

It's £50, not the Crown Jewels.

omletta · 17/01/2015 00:30

ChippingIn is spot on, spend it on something lovely, this is what it was given for.

Original poster
BreakfastAtStephanies · 17/01/2015 00:31

Indeed Chippin'. No one has told anyone thus far

OP posts:
FightOrFlight · 17/01/2015 00:32

I know what you mean Chipping but after the 'can of pop' thread I just think it's better to be safe than sorry. OP has already said it is unethical to accept the money so she is aware of any potential consequences unlike the lady who lost her job over a fizzy drink.

There is an outside chance that the elderly lady might mention it to a friend or relative as a throwaway comment. Sometimes things just 'slip out' That doesn't necessarily mean that they will mention it to OP's employer of course.

Anyway it's up the OP what she does in this situation as she's the only one who is going to benefit/lose out in either scenario.

maddening · 17/01/2015 00:33

if you are self employed and she is your direct private client then don't worry about it.

however if you were working in an employed capacity (whether nhs or a private employer) then you need to declare it imo to protect yourself - as a hcp working with potentially vulnerable people in their own homes you are in a position of trust - why risk your professional integrity. This isn't a fiver in your xmas card. play by the rules Imo - unless you deem your career to be worth £50 ? it's not about bribery - it is ensuring you can't be accused of coercing mone out of elderly clients -I know you haven't so protect yourself.

trufflehunterthebadger · 17/01/2015 00:36

I once got at £150 tip. I worked in a plush hotel as a manager and got it from an american couple hosting a pre-wedding reception for their son. It was a week's wages for me.

JackSkellington · 17/01/2015 00:37

I would risk my job in taking money from a client but I work in financial services so different rules apply.

FightOrFlight · 17/01/2015 00:37

Old =/= senile

I never said that just mentioning that the fact she has been ill recently might have an impact on her capacity (medication, after effects of gA etc.). That is not the same as being senile. If she is always walking around with wads of cash and handing out £50 notes then it is not unusuall behaviour for her.

Just because your 85 year old aunt has her full faculties it doesn't necessarily mean that others the same age are just as 'savvy'. I know dementia patients in their 30's.

Original poster
BreakfastAtStephanies · 17/01/2015 00:39

i said earlier I liked Chippin's idea. The Lady is wealthy, ( see I used her title there ! ) and I was thinking of getting something to remind me of her. Hang consequences

OP posts:
BoredChurch · 17/01/2015 00:40

If you are an employee then I think you should let your boss know. There is nothing wrong with receiving a gift from a client so there should be no need to hide it from anyone.

Keeping quiet about it seems shifty.

I wouldn't worry about her giving you the money though. If she has been your client for such a long time then I'm sure it's because she genuinely wants to dom something nice for you.

Original poster
BreakfastAtStephanies · 17/01/2015 00:44

Maddening - I get that. I do work with vulnerable folk but not in their own homes.

OP posts:
Original poster
BreakfastAtStephanies · 17/01/2015 00:45

Bored Church - do you think the employer would let me keep it ?

OP posts:
Elysianfields · 17/01/2015 00:46

With ethical issues I think it is helpful to apply the Daily Mail test. If you would be content for whatever happened to be on the cover of the DM then the action is probably ok.

So how would taking the tip look on the DM?

FightOrFlight · 17/01/2015 00:46

Hang consequences

Fair enough. The idea of a personal reminder is lovely, as was the Lady's gesture.

DancingDinosaur · 17/01/2015 00:46

I'd declare it personally. I know it happened behind closed doors but it wouldn't sit right with me.

DancingDinosaur · 17/01/2015 00:50

Yes agree with that Elysianfields. I work in a similar, although not the same, field. I think its best to work as if someone is always watching over your shoulder.

FightOrFlight · 17/01/2015 00:53

I think you are probably okay to be honest Breakfast

"you must not accept inducements or gifts that may be seen as affecting your patient care"

So as long as it isn't affecting their care (which it isn't) it seems okay to accept gifts (but don't quote me on that!)

(this is apparently a draft but I imagine the final version says the same)

file:///C:/Users/C/Downloads/draftmaintainingtrustdomainconsultationversionapril2014.pdf

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