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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about this childcare arrangement?

70 replies

chimneybee · 15/01/2015 16:12

I'm currently on maternity leave but due to go back to work soon. My mum wants to look after my DC one day every fortnight. This means that I'll have to book a nursery place on that day and once a fortnight I'll be paying for a nursery place I won't use, which is £45. Mum wants to do this so she can still see DGC but not commit to once a week. I feel uncomfortable with this arrangement, mainly because it seems such a waste of money paying for a day a week at nursery that we'll only use half the time and partly because I think the arrangement might be unsettling for DC (although we will be using nursery one other day in the week so it won't be as though they'll only be there once a fortnight). Mum is offering to come to our house to look after DC so agreeing to her suggestion won't mean extra hassle for us and logically I know that it's not financially disadvantaging us because we'd be paying for the day in nursery anyway (it's just the DC would be using it). Am I being silly or would other people feel uncomfortable with this too?

OP posts:
thegreylady · 15/01/2015 16:14

I see your point butI would go along with it. Your mum and your baby will benefit and if ever she is unable to do it you can use the nursery.

Leeds2 · 15/01/2015 16:15

Could you not book your DC into nursery for 9 days a fortnight, if your mum is prepared to commit to having him the same day every fortnight? My DD's nursery used to allow very flexible arrangements.

TheIronGnome · 15/01/2015 16:16

Why cant she look after your dc out of nursery times? It does seem a waste of nursery time. How many days will you be working?

MinceSpy · 15/01/2015 16:16

You understand and accept that your mum can't commit to every week. I think you just need to be frank with your mum and say you can't afford to waste £45 on the day she wants to care for the daughter and you feel it will unsettle the child.

TheWiseOldElf · 15/01/2015 16:17

Check whether the nursery is prepared to accommodate this. When DD1 was in nursery she was in 3 days per fortnight (2 days one week and 1 day the next) and as long as it was a regular pattern the nursery was happy to charge for this only.

ZebraLovesKnitting · 15/01/2015 16:23

If I were you I'd not let my mum have DC for just one day a fortnight. I wouldn't want her to think she's "doing me a favour" when she's really not. I also think it'll be unsettling for your DC, especially if they're only going to nursery for 2 days a week on a week when your mum doesn't have them - might be hard for them to get into a routine and settle.

Original poster
chimneybee · 15/01/2015 16:23

Thanks for all the responses so far, I have spoken to the nursery and they have said that there's no flexibility about the days or that would have been perfect. The nursery we've chosen is the only convenient option for us for various reasons.

OP posts:
tumbletumble · 15/01/2015 16:27

I can see both points of view here. I think if I were you I'd suggest a regular fortnightly slot for your mum, but outside nursery hours. Then you can use the time to have a break Smile

Mammanat222 · 15/01/2015 16:29

I'd say no to be honest. The whole point of family childcare is to help but this just sounds like a hindrance in every way (financially / practically / emotionally for the child)

Don't get me wrong its fantastic for her to offer but what she is offering suits her and not you and child so I think its fine to politely decline.

No point shelling out a grand a year on childcare you aren't using.

TheAuthoress · 15/01/2015 16:29

Is your mum worried about being too tired having DD all day once a week? If so what about her having her one afternoon a week - she could go to nursery in the morning, your mum could pick her up and bring her to your house for the afternoon? That way she'd be in a regular nursery routine and you would only pay for a half day (probably not half the price of a full day but cheaper than paying for an unused day once a fortnight!)

batgirl1984 · 15/01/2015 16:37

The grandparents having the child fortnightly is great if there is someone else to have them on the other week. Difficult otherwise. Unless you could do it short term with yourself and dh taking Ann leave / flexi to cover the alternate weeks?

Nolim · 15/01/2015 17:02

You may suggest one half day every week but if she says no then you will have to pay full fees at the nursery and it is up to you if you want your mum to look after dc every 2 weeks. Consider it a perk for dc. Why not? What purpose would it serve to tell her "by not commiting weekly you are making us waste money"?

SurlyCue · 15/01/2015 17:06

I would send your child to nursery the days you work and your mum could have him/her one day a fortnight that you dont work. That way there is no messing with nursery days, no feeling of wasted money, no nightmare of having to get child to daycare if your mum is sick or cant make it.

Pico2 · 15/01/2015 17:10

I'd say no to your DM. Is she retired? My DPs are and don't do regular childcare. Instead they do useful bits and pieces, like looking after DD if she is poorly (that is less strenuous than looking after a well child), having DD at the weekend very occasionally or having her if I have to go into work on my day off.

Pico2 · 15/01/2015 17:11

Our arrangements also mean that I get to see my parents which we all like.

FightOrFlight · 15/01/2015 17:15

I was going to suggest the same as SurlyCue

there is always going to be the chance that your Mum can't look after DC on the given day (illness, holidays etc.).

If she looks after DC on a day you are around anyway then you will be there to cover these occasions.

Of course, you may want to spend all day with DC on the days you aren't working so that wont work out.

makapakasdirtysponge · 15/01/2015 17:16

I'd suggest a regular fortnightly slot for your mum, but outside nursery hours. Then you can use the time to have a break

This.

Ridingthestorm · 15/01/2015 17:16

I would tell your mum the dilemma. Tell her you are happy for her to look after DC but she needs to commit to once a weekm otherwise you will be paying £45 for a nursery place that is not being used. If she refuses, you have the right to refuse her offer of fortnightly childcare.
I understand she wants to be in her grandchildren's lives but she hasn't got any right to dictate what she wants. It has to work both ways.

JassyRadlett · 15/01/2015 17:25

I'd go with early pickup one day a week/fortnight. My mum does this with my nephew - picks him up mid-afternoon, they go to the park, thru play, she gives him his dinner, bath etc.

notinagreatplace · 15/01/2015 17:39

Could you make another arrangement for the 'other' day in the fortnight? E.g. could your DH work a 9 day fortnight and do every other day with your DC?

minipie · 15/01/2015 17:44

I'd suggest a regular fortnightly slot for your mum, but outside nursery hours. Then you can use the time to have a break

Yup, this.

TheCowThatLaughs · 15/01/2015 17:48

I don't see what difference it makes financially for you op, you'll be paying for the time either way, whether your mum looks after the dc or not won't you?

Greywackejones · 15/01/2015 18:10

£45 a week

£2340 a year?! Fuck that. She's batshit. See him at the weekend like every normal grandparent.

That's nearly two months money at nursery that he wouldn't actually go! Shock

slithytove · 15/01/2015 18:12

I'd just say no.
Are you going to work full time?

If not, stick him in nursery twice a week and give him to your mum once a fortnight when you are off. I think you'll appreciate having that day to yourself once you are back.

Greywackejones · 15/01/2015 18:15

Hmm actually it's not its £945. I did 52 but it's probably 21 wks as every other.

Ah well then. Makes perfect sense to spend a grand not going...