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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to trap my son in the living room?

109 replies

justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 10:49

I have a 20 month old who keeps opening the doors in the living room making the absolutely freezing he also goes into the cupboard under the stairs and pulls stuff out so I started barricading the door with his toy box. (There's 2 doors in the room one to hall one to kitchen, kitchen one has a stair gate)

I see nothing wrong with this arrangement but DP thinks I'm not giving him any freedom. I let him into the kitchen when I'm in there and all his toys are in the living room.
I've always wanted a stairgate for the living room door but DP has never let me.
Do you think I'm being unreasonable and should just let my son have free reign?

OP posts:
Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 15:00

Well that was always my philosophy until we ended up in casualty.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/01/2015 15:01

Meech my older 2 are 7 and 9 - not teens but not stuck in preschool or baby mode. I utterly disagree with you and wonder if you also didn't let your teen walk to the shop at 10 or play out... Keeping children locked up "safe" past the stage when that was appropriate doesn't always do them long term favours (also used to be a secondary teacher and saw that timeand again...).

Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 15:03

my eldest have been walking to school on their own with friends since 9 and have lots and lots of freedom. I think this sort of judgement call is entirely down to the child and no one knows them better than their parents.

Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 15:05

And I find your use of the phrase 'locked up' absolutely ridiculous and deliberately inflammatory. 15 hours at nursery, plenty of out and about time etc is hardly locked up. Hmm

CheerfulYank · 15/01/2015 15:12

Get the srairgate. It's not forever. :)

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/01/2015 15:15

Ah well, that's good then. DH's Kindergarten has been running long enough that many of the parents attended it, and in the 6 consecutive years I've had one child or another (or two for a year) there there has never been a child taken to hospital due to an accident, despite the stairs, climbing trees, tree houses, weekly walks to the wood where theyplay as they choose, access to hammer aand nails etc. etc. DS2 did cut his head due to running and slipping on a rug and need butterfly sutures, but that happened indoors a few feet from a teacher and was not the result of lack of "babyproof" confinement Smile

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/01/2015 15:16

DC's not DH's (autocorrect seems to have "learned" "DH" not "DC"

DisappointedOne · 15/01/2015 15:29

Geez. DD is 4 and DH and I are only just able to to to the loo on our own. The "having to ptioritise another child" thing is one reason why DD is an only child. I don't think it's fair to clip a child's wings in favour of another.

And yes, meechimoo, it's likely to stifle brain development. But you carry on.

Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 15:42

stifling brain development ?? eldest is predicted 11 A* in her gcses but thanks for the heads up.

Original poster
justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 16:19

Oh mu goodness to say someone is stifling their childs brain development by keeping them safe is very harsh.
I have my own reasons for making the decision to have 2 children close together which does mean on occasions I have to prioritise one over the other right now. But I think in the future it will play to their benefit.

OP posts:
ThursdayLast · 15/01/2015 16:25

just I'm not quite sure how this has ended up with you justifying your decisions but don't!
You're not doing anything wrong!

Notso · 15/01/2015 16:29

Good grief some of the comments on this thread are ridiculous.

Idontseeanysontarans · 15/01/2015 16:35

Stifling brain development Grin
I qualified as a nursery nurse 20 years ago and have spent 14 years raising imprisoning my own children so I've heard an awful lot of rubbish advice but this takes the prize. Keeping a child safe and temporarily confined to one room with activities to amuse themselves does not stifle brain development Grin
As already mentioned OP you don't have to justify your decision to anybody.

Notso · 15/01/2015 16:46

Honestly if being able to go into every room in every setting was so important to brain development then surely nursery children would be able to play in the staff room, the head teachers office, empty all the stationary cupboards, wander into the school kitchen and play with all the pots and pans and go to the staff toilets.

Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 16:53

exactly Notso. Childminders and daycare provides supervise their charges and restrict certain rooms and areas for very good reason. To harp on about brain development and call it 'trapping' or 'locking in' is alarmist clap trap. And it's a bit unnecessary to restrict family size and have an only child because they need to have free range access to everywhere at all times. Nothing wrong with onlys, but to consciously decide based on not wanting to supervise or restrict to certain areas, is a bit unusual.

CheerfulYank · 15/01/2015 18:11

Shock Four years of not going to the bathroom alone?!

But...but...why?!

CheerfulYank · 15/01/2015 18:13

I have a small downstairs and a stairgate. The children ( my own and mindees) can wander the living room/dining room and tiny kitchen mostly at will. They are not allowed in the bathroom as toddlers or upstairs as a general rule. They're all fine.

CheerfulYank · 15/01/2015 18:23

Plus what about the gazillions of people all over the world who live in one room?

DS was kept in the aforementioned dining/living/kitchen area (except when I brought him upstairs or outside with me of course) until about three and had free rein of the house after, and free rein of house and the outside property since he was five. He doesn't seem stunted.

TheBooMonster · 15/01/2015 21:43

Our house is a maze of stair gates, DD can be locked into or out of pretty much any room or floor of the house, the only rooms not controlled by stair gates are the bathrooms and the spare room, I think it's perfectly reasonable...

Patsyandeddie · 15/01/2015 21:51

A reinforced playpen springs to mind, my brother and I were put in them when necessary, didn't stunt our development but probably stopped us electrocuting ourselves or driving our mother mad!

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 22:06

It's ridiculous to state what you did with one child regarding safety and criticise someone else's choices.

18 months is wildly different to 3 years.

All children are different. Some are naturally adventurous while others just arnt.

Some houses have very steep steps and some don't etc.

As a cm I am required to demonstrate how I keep the mindees safe and it's very rigorous.

To be fair the garden poses more risks and the rise of the trampoline is the scourge of A&E.

You do what's best for your child and house op and ignore the negative comments.

DisappointedOne · 15/01/2015 22:26

Clearly some of you spent a bit too long in a playpen as children. Grin

DisappointedOne · 15/01/2015 22:27

Because whenever I do get 8 seconds to go for a per it's the exact time that she needs to ask me something very very important. Hmm

Original poster
justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 22:31

oh god if I put my son in a play pen he'd go mental he used get angry enough over being put in his cot and has been in a toddler bed since he was 14 months.

OP posts:
Adarajames · 15/01/2015 23:58

Friends have very sensibly dug their tampoline in, so the bed is level with the ground avoiding many accidental. They do however have an unusually large (rural) garden, and hired a digger to do the hard work, which most people (me definitely included!) wouldn't have the funds to do!

As for stifling their brain development by restricting with a few baby gates - what utter rot!