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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to trap my son in the living room?

109 replies

justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 10:49

I have a 20 month old who keeps opening the doors in the living room making the absolutely freezing he also goes into the cupboard under the stairs and pulls stuff out so I started barricading the door with his toy box. (There's 2 doors in the room one to hall one to kitchen, kitchen one has a stair gate)

I see nothing wrong with this arrangement but DP thinks I'm not giving him any freedom. I let him into the kitchen when I'm in there and all his toys are in the living room.
I've always wanted a stairgate for the living room door but DP has never let me.
Do you think I'm being unreasonable and should just let my son have free reign?

OP posts:
ShadowSuperNova · 15/01/2015 11:37

He can unlock the front door?

Definitely NBU to fit a stairgate then. Being able to let himself outside must surely be too much freedom for your DH?

BTW, when DS1 got tall enough to open our front door, DH screwed a hook high up by the door, so we could keep the door key next to the door but out of DS1s reach.

diddl · 15/01/2015 11:39

"I've always wanted a stairgate for the living room door but DP has never let me"Shock

You know, if your DP wants his son to have freedom, is he the one at home supervising it?

If so, fine!

If you are at home, then I say that you look after your son how you want to!

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/01/2015 11:39

YANBU with a 20 month old under the circumstances, but I am Shock that people manage to keep 3 year olds confined to the living g room - I have one and he's a "proper person" :o not a baby type toddler, and there is no way on earth it seems appropriate to confine him to one room unless supervised - he's been old enough for a long time to know and understand not to play with cooker knobs or to fall down the stairs or pull everything out of cupboards, despite being a total monkey no angel. He gets sent upstairs to change his clothes if he spills on them for example - or if he'sthirsty he goes into the kitchen to the "children's cupboard", gets a plastic beaker, gets the step stool, pushes it to the sink and gets himself some water. I cannot get my head around confining a child his age to 1 room - surely in the UK those are in some cases children only a year away from starting school? Confused

BarbarianMum · 15/01/2015 11:44

I know it makes me the lone voice of dissent but I'm with your dh on this one. Why can't you put a latch on the hall cupboard and let him explore the hall if he wants to? My 2 loved pottering round emptying things out at that age, that was how they played - ds2 once spent the best part of an afternoon shuttling the contents of the vegetable bin through to the hall and filling up all the wellies.

GillSans · 15/01/2015 11:45

Yabu. I didn't need any child proofing with my first as she just never touched anything she wasn't supposed to.

However, with the holy terror that was my second I had the full hit. Baby gates, door wedges, childproof locks on everything and even a cage playpen.

That stopped me being so bloody smug.

You do what you've got to do to keep your son safe.

PlumpingUpPartridge · 15/01/2015 11:49

DS1 fiddled with EVERYTHING. Baby-proofing saved my sanity.

op, YANBU.

BarbarianMum · 15/01/2015 11:51

There's a difference between baby proofing and confining a child to one room though.

hottiebottie · 15/01/2015 11:53

I can't help thinking that if DH were put in sole charge for a few hours, a day or two later OP would be the proud recipient of a gift-wrapped stair gate. Grin

Idontseeanysontarans · 15/01/2015 11:53

Gillsans I had similar but in reverse - our eldest was a total terror who could empty every cupboard in under 10 minutes despite them all having child latches on them - when I discovered that the baby walker couldn't fit through the kitchen doorway I would purposely put him in to trap him in the front room when I was cooking Blush
Middle daughter wasn't quite as bad but would empty the bottom shelves of the bookcase and youngest child just doesn't bother. She had the run of the house at 3yo with no stair gates now because she apparently has the sense her siblings weren't born with and still can't find

Theveryhungrycaterpillar123 · 15/01/2015 11:58

We had a stair gate across the living room door. Just get one. It'll save your sanity (sort of)!

Original poster
justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 12:01

I don't keep him trapped in the living room all day I let him wander into the kitchen when I'm in there. I let him empty the junk drawer and a cupboard if I'm going up stairs unless I'm popping to the loo for 2 mins I let him follow me up but I also have a 5 month old and when I'm feeding her or just having a laze on the sofa in my pj's I don't want to be worrying if he's going to run outside or topple the pram that's in the hall on top of himself or use the door that's in the hall to get into the kitchen.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 15/01/2015 12:04

Buy one online OP. Don't wait for someone to help you. Justget on with it

PeaStalks · 15/01/2015 12:06

I always envied people who could say NO and the child stopped Grin. Both of mine were marauding climbers who never took a blind bit of notice. One thing I did that helped was I rearranged my cupboards so that there were some they could safely empty and play with. Pans in one and tinned food in another.

ouryve · 15/01/2015 12:07

It's not unreasonable to keep a young or impulsive child within sight, in a safe area, so long ass they have room to move and play.

We still have a padlock on our understairs cupboard and our youngest is 8! No safety gates any more, but we have a number pad lock on our bedroom door so we can put things out of reach in there.

RiverTam · 15/01/2015 12:09

well, I wouldn't myself. Put a lock on the cupboard under the stairs and make sure your front door is deadlocked. I liked DD being able to wander around, so I just made it safe without containing her.

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2015 12:19

I'm puzzled too as to why you haven't just bought one online?

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/01/2015 12:34

For a 20 month with a 5 month old it'sfine, but Iit's not being smug to say expectations of a 3 year old should be higher, and they (normally) are past that developmental stage and need to be given rule based rather than physical boundaries rewarded by more freedom, in order to keep learning and developing.

I'm not being smug - my pfb needed no stair Gates but my DS1 did (though they were down before he turned 3) and my DS2 used to scale the bookshelf, removing and throwing down books as he went, from age about 10 months til about 22 months, as well as climbing onto windowsill, the top of his sister's bunk bed etc. I had to remove the bottom 2 shelves from the living room book casefor about a year.

That's a 1 year old though - expectations and capabilities change beyond recognition between 24 and 36 months. Apart from anything the really tricksy 3 year olds can open or climb over stair Gates - we took our top of the stairs one down when DC3 was caught climbing it, which made it vastly more dangerous to have onethan not. By 3 they can (SN excepted) understand basic keeping safe rules and confining them with barriers has become inappropriate.

MummyPig24 · 15/01/2015 12:40

We have a stair gate on the living room doorway. Dc3 is 10 months and he is up the stairs or in the cat bowls in seconds if it is left open. Much safer and more enjoyable if he is corralled in the living room.

DeladionInch · 15/01/2015 12:43

My living room sounds like yours - I have ds's toy kitchen against the hall door and a stair gate to keep him out of the kitchen as well as away from the stairs and cat litter tray. IMO it's basic safety - sometimes I need to pee, put laundry away scream silently into a hot cup of tea or do stuff he can't help with, so it's kind of like a giant play pen - all his toys and books are in one place and he can potter about quite happily while I do jobs. And it means I only need the one stair gate instead of having them all over the blinking place (bedroom doors are kept shut so the cat doesn't go in)

Mammanat222 · 15/01/2015 12:47

Why would DH not let you buy a gate?

IAmAPaleontologist · 15/01/2015 12:53

I had a gate on the living room door. No hall in our house, we have living room, stairs, dining room, kitchen, bathroom with doors between each. Dining room has solid fuel stove in which is always lit as it provides our heating and water so not a suitable room for a child to be unsupervised in because fireguards are for pulling up on, crashing into and driving cars across rather than keeping children away from the fire. So in order to be able to do such things as shower safely I had a gate on the living room door. The dcs had plenty of time to explore the rest of the house too of course with me around,helping cook or washing up with their own bowl on the floor in the kitchen, going up and down stairs and so on. But sometimes you need to be able to contain them for a bit!

Original poster
justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 12:56

I really don't know how I can explain why I haven't just bought one better than I have in previous posts. If I could very politely ask what you didn't understand and I could explain better maybe.

OP posts:
Original poster
justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 13:02

Maybe I like to let him think he has some say around the house, and just wanted to see if other mners thought I was being completely unreasonable before I just went and ordered one online.

Although after deladioninch has said she has the same set up I might just leave it this way it means he can't open the door and at and the room gets bloody freezing when the doors open.

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 15/01/2015 13:04

I bought a bolt for the door.Its the only way to keep him in and safe.Im sure God forbid he had an accident your dp would be the very one giving out.They are in to everything at that age so whatever makes YOUR life easier.

Adarajames · 15/01/2015 13:04

Don't worry about people not understanding your reasoning re just buying one, some posters just skim read it totally ignore updates / explanations from op, just Internet boards work Wink Smile

I'm a big fan of baby gates, but in this house it's to contain the foster puppies / dogs who aren't yet housetrained and so to save me cleaning all the floors numerous times a day!