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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to trap my son in the living room?

109 replies

justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 10:49

I have a 20 month old who keeps opening the doors in the living room making the absolutely freezing he also goes into the cupboard under the stairs and pulls stuff out so I started barricading the door with his toy box. (There's 2 doors in the room one to hall one to kitchen, kitchen one has a stair gate)

I see nothing wrong with this arrangement but DP thinks I'm not giving him any freedom. I let him into the kitchen when I'm in there and all his toys are in the living room.
I've always wanted a stairgate for the living room door but DP has never let me.
Do you think I'm being unreasonable and should just let my son have free reign?

OP posts:
ChocolateOranges · 15/01/2015 13:04

I used to have a house with 3 small steps down from the lounge to the kitchen and then 3 up to the dining room and the steep stairs also came down into the kitchen so I put a stair gate on the lounge doorway to stop my daughter getting into the kitchen as she was like quicksilver once she got going!

There was also 2 more steps down to the back door and then another step to the downstairs loo so it was a nightmare. Much better to keep her safe.

was bad enough when friends came over and had a few drinks and forgot the steps

My next house was all level with a deep wide staircase.

HappyAgainOneDay · 15/01/2015 13:08

As for stairgates, OP, you don't necessarily have to buy one. They often appear on our local Freecycle. Yours might be different, of course.

specialsubject · 15/01/2015 13:08

either never do anything else or create a safe space so you can at least go to the toilet without him killing himself. Human beings get mobile before they have any sense at all. This was fine in the cave with all the tribe on the watch, works less well with just one adult around.

and at the weekend, go out , turn off mobile and leave your partner in sole charge.

Mammanat222 · 15/01/2015 13:15

OP says that she has always wanted a stairgate but her DP has never let her get one.

She then says she relies on family to get to shops and then says she is allowed to buy what she wants but always runs purchases past her DP.

I see no real explanation as to why she hasn't got a gate? She has always wanted one, she obviously looks after kids majority of the time so why has she not bought a gate?

Weird.

ThursdayLast · 15/01/2015 13:40

We have a gate between our sitting room (where tv/toys are). We've more or less 'baby-proofed' that room ie; books from the lower shelves now in spare room wardrobe and DVD player off at the plug to stop him opening/closing/opening/closing aaaalllll daaaaay looooong Grin

DS is 21mo, no way I can let him loose in the rest of our downstairs without supervision. And if I'm hanging out in there chances are I'm trying to DO something.

Get a stair gate OP.
Pretty certain we had ours delivered from Tesco Smile

Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 13:53

I'm deeply jealous of those of you with sensible 3 year olds who have freedom to roam around the house and are sensible. My three year old climbs, empties drawers and cupboards, can scale the stairs in less than 3 seconds, and is looking for danger! I restrict her to one room most of the time, the lounge. It's 35 ft by 12 ft so not a small room, and she does spend 15 hours a week at nursery and we go out a fair bit. But when we're at home, it's just easier to restrict her to one room.

Original poster
justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 14:07

Mammanat222 I suppose the real reason I haven't just bought one yet is because they're £25 quid a pop and I already have 3 i just can't bring myself to spend the money to buy a new one (even though I want one) when the very heavy toy box I have in front of the door works just fine.
I would like DP to just leave it there and stop pushing it back against the door when he gets home from work and to stop making me feel like the worst parent ever that I don't like letting hDS roam free around the hall or getting into my changing bag and unrolling the nappy sacks or standing at the bottom of the stairs crying everytime I go to the loo.
I do have screw in ones (given to me free by the council) but when the landlord was popping in to do some work he told me under no circumstances am I to drill into his precious door frames or banisters which I completely understand.

So that is why i haven't just gone and bought one.

OP posts:
Original poster
justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 14:10

As I'm Typing this DS and the dog are currently chasing each other round the kitchen it's very cute Grin

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 15/01/2015 14:14

Never did any baby proofing. DD has always had full run of the house. Mind you, by 2 she'd been taught the concept at least of tidying up and would help. Toddlers are explorers. Highly damaging to coop them up in 1 room in my view. Obviously endure they're safe and don't have access to nasty chemicals but let them explore! What are you doing that means you can't be there supervising?

babyiwantabump · 15/01/2015 14:15

I don't know if this has already been said as haven't read the whole thread but if you turn the door handles upside down so you have to lift them to open the door instead of pull down this generally stops toddlers being able to open doors and is free and easy to do .

Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 14:29

Disappointed, what utter utter nonsense! Highly dangerous indeed.
LOL! Hmm

Original poster
justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 14:29

"What are you doing that means you can't be there supervising?"

Generally feeding my 5 month old, changing my 5 month old trying to get organised to leave the house.
For a small period of time I followed DPs wishes that he have some room to explore all that happened was DS climbing on tables and falling down alot.
I'm sure that other mums would agree that sometimes you have to leave your child alone for small periods of time.
Thanks for all the positive posts guys you've made me feel better and I'm going to put my foot down and make sure the toy box stays where it is.

OP posts:
MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/01/2015 14:30

Meech my children at 3 wouldn't even have tolerated being shut in a room - and they've all been safe on the stairs by 2.5 (we have 3 flights -1 stone/ tile, 2 "open" wooden slats; the only person who has ever fallen down them in 8 years and 3 kids being toddlers here is me Blush )

1-2 year olds are a bit like little woodland creatures and a law unto themselves, but 3 year olds are proper little people you can have conversations with, explain things to,with a grasp of natural consequences... and they need some independence and freedom (in terms of being allowed to go and get themselves a drink, choose to play in their room or the living room, be able to get to the toilet when they need it... Obviously it's what they're used to, but confining a 3 year old to a room without even that freedom sounds a tiny bit cruel (even though not meant to be)...

Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 14:31

highly damaging. Not dangerous.
But is neither.
Young children are restricted and baby proofed at nursery. Is that damaging?

Original poster
justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 14:35

Do you know MrTumblesBavarianFanbase I actually trust him to climb the stairs better than I would myself it's what he gets up to at the top of the stairs that worries me and its the same in this house, I'm the only one as to have yet fallen down them.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/01/2015 14:40

Firstly I would give him the cupboard under the stairs. Clear it out and make it child friendly so you can just shove stuff back in. Much less stress. The same goes for other floor cupboards that cause you stress.

It's not for long, you get them back eventually.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/01/2015 14:43

Meech surely 3 year olds are not confined to 1 room at nursery? My kids haven't been to nursery but all started Kindergarten at 36 months, which is like a mixed nursery/ reception class, and though everything is child oriented it certainly isn't "babyproof" and they can move between rooms (including 1 upstairs) at non timetabled times of day as long as they check with the teacher first - doors are all open. They get their own drinks (in chunky glasses) and have to wash up SmileThey go to the toilet aalone. When they go outside there are tree houses and climbing trees. So no, professional childcare settings for 3 year olds are not babyproof IME

Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 14:45

Cruel and damaging?
Good job I also have teens and so know how short lived this stage is and how perfectly fine it is to restrict the movements of a very adventurous preschooler. Cruel indeed. Shock

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/01/2015 14:47

Just you're probably doing quite right to keep a 20 month old in like ofsight or a babyproof room when not, but I am just Shock that a few ppeople replied to you saying they keep 3 year olds confined to 1 room - things have to progress as they get older!

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/01/2015 14:49

Meech having teens doesn't magically make you right WinkBrew

Original poster
justbatteringon · 15/01/2015 14:50

Gamerchick as much as i would love to do that i really have no where else to put the hoover, steam cleaner and brushes that when he does get a hold of he tends to wave about like a madman and accidentally hit everyone in the process including the baby. He does have a cupboard and bottom junk drawer he's allowed to play in and also a toy kitchen in the kitchen that he is currently climbing on.

OP posts:
Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 14:50

Yes, they have more than one room at nursery. But no access to stairs or trees to climb (thank god, one trip to A&E after she climbed up a garden trellis designed for climbing roses not climbing kids)
I imagine you have one of those very placid or docile kids who don't venture far, don't stick lego up their nose, don't eat snails, don't jump off the back of the sofa or figure out how to unlock cupboard locks. That's nice. But I have a trickier preschooler. And yes, before you ask, we discuss stuff all the time, I explain boundaries and say no ALOT. Makes not a blind bit of difference. Her 15 year old sister was the same and turned out just fine and surprisingly undamaged.

Meechimoo · 15/01/2015 14:54

And having teens does given you a wider perspective. You can see the bigger picture. When you're stuck in preschool or baby mode, you wonder if they'll ever be able to get out of bed, walk downstairs and make themselves breakfast so you can have half lie longer in bed!

Notso · 15/01/2015 14:56

DD and DS1 roamed around the house, I only had a gate on the kitchen because it was tiny and there was no room for theM in there when I was cooking. Aside from a couple of incidents they were fine, and they always tidied up.

DS2 until very recently just trashed every room he was in. He climbed on surfaces I didn't think he could climb on, he managed to open the front door, he emptied cupboards, he put taps on. In the time it took me to have a wee and wash my hands he covered himself and his 6 month old brother in a whole tub of sudocrem, that was in a drawer with a childlock on.
He also was able to climb over safety gates at 2 so we had to buy massive dog ones. Even with me in the room it would get wrecked. He would knock over all the books in a single swipe of his hand or completely out of the blue he would throw a toy and knock something over. It was exhausting.

Hes now 4 and DS2 and 2.8 can roam anywhere downstairs. They tend to stay in the living room where the Toybox is. However the stair gate is going no where to protect DD and DS1's bedrooms.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/01/2015 14:57

Ha ha Meech no I absolutely don't - I have a 3 year old who thinks he's at least 6 and is DC3 - he can out climb his 7 year old brother. He loves fast sledging and climbing trees and football and mud. Placid is not a word anyone would use about my 3 year old. He did indeed use to jump off the back of the sofa pre age 2.

His Kindergarten takes a Montessori approach (all my kids have been there for 3 years each and I try to take the same approach at home) - kids can do a lit more than some people give them credit for and live up - or down - to your expectations.