Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think i shouldnt have to lie for my ex

90 replies

Blackout234 · 13/01/2015 16:24

Yesterday after financial and landlord stress ex dp thought it would be appropriate to hit me. it wasn't a "spur of the moment" thing due to peaked stress, he followed me through the kitchen, to the hallway and to the front door (I was trying to go for a walk to get my head together and to give him some peace as he was constantly picking for an argument) then he grabbed me by the back of my t shirt, turned me around and punched me in the throat. first time hes ever been violent to me but at 23 weeks pregnant first and last. I'm getting photos of my changing bruise (its gone from yellow, to brown, to a purple and red line and then to a black scary looking bruise) and have written down the lead up to the attack and the attack itself and the aftermath. (His reaction wasn't "Im so sorry i did it to you" it was "Im sorry i did that but it was your fault you pushed me to it", hahaha sure). im not sure if i'll go to the police yet but thats because of my own misgivings, anyhow, this morning i was really busy calling CAB, job centre to find out what im entitled to as i cant work atm (Self employed but suffering with SPD and HG) and what i will be entitled to when baby is here as a single parent (Dont know what my work situation will be then tho)... after all this i get a call from ex mil. ex mil was demanding to know why i've stolen her ds's unborn daughter and moved 30 miles away (Only place i could go was my mums) then was saying "Oh i bet youve cheated haven't you" and giving me a barrage of abuse, in the end i just snapped and said "No MIL, your precious f--king golden boy thought it would be nice to punch his pregnant fiance in the throat so hard i now cannot eat without chewing my food to the consistency of porridge and need to go for an emergency doctors appointment later on. Piss off" and slammed the phone down. 30 mins later i had ex dp ringing my housephone (He's blocked on mobile) demanding to know why i told his mother what happened, saying hes told everyone i left him for someone else and that ive already destroyed him by leaving why do i need to do this aswell? I'm sorry if this sounds cold but he attacked ME, at the very least he should be punished by getting a bollocking off family and friends who i will put straight upon being asked. partly needed a rant, partly wanting to know if i am BU because i just dont give a shit about whatever pain he faces now as its his own doing?

OP posts:

SorchaN · 14/01/2015 14:11

Well done, OP! It's never easy, but you're protecting yourself and your baby.

Nomama · 14/01/2015 14:15

Good. Stick to those guns.

It will only harm you and your self esteem if you 'cover' for him. Stating out loud, clearly and calmly "No I left when he punched me in the throat. At least he didn't punch the bump, eh?" Will give you some control and will ensure that anyone who matters will know the truth!

If his mum does call back do be strong... "Where do you think a man who punches a pregnant woman should be?"

Just practice your versions of those sentences... so when you need them they are familiar and easier to say.

Good luck.

ilovelamp82 · 14/01/2015 15:15

Well done OP. He deserves to suffer the consequences. What a great Mum you are already.

I know it still feels a bit like a normal break up. It's just because everything has changed so suddenly. My best advice would be to keep busy and be kind to yourself. With every day that passes it will get easier, so the busier you keep yourself, the less time you have to think about it. Before you know it, the baby will be here and give you something wonderful to focus on.

I hope your Mum and sister are taking good care of you.

Original poster

Blackout234 · 14/01/2015 21:21

Thank you everyone :) My sister (also pregnant and due a week after me) and i have spent the afternoon stuffing our faces and watching mean girls because who needs men>.<
Feeling a bit better now :)

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 14/01/2015 21:29

Have the police said if he has been charged or if they will be contacting you again? You need to know if he has been bailed and what the bail conditions are so that you can contact them again if he turns up.

Original poster

Blackout234 · 14/01/2015 21:35

Bogeyface I don't know yet, Last i heard (Earlier today) he was still in custody and i've been told i'll be contacted as soon as anything happens, its a waiting game really

OP posts:

SistersOfPercy · 14/01/2015 22:56

brave girl, well done.

The first step is always the hardest.

Bogeyface · 14/01/2015 23:11

Hope you hear something soon then.

The thing is about a punch to the throat is that it can kill, which makes me wonder if he is facing more serious charges than common assault on that basis.

It wasnt accidental as part of a lesser (!) attack where he meant to hit your face for example (not demeaning being punched in the face, I hope YKWIM), it was deliberately targeted there, which makes it more serious. They may be waiting on information from your GP about your injuries, they wont let him go until they have a decision from the CPS about what is going to happen next and if they need more information then that will take time.

I also suspect that the reason his mother hasnt been in touch is because this is one time she cant make excuses. If he hit his ex and now has been arrested for hitting you, perhaps the scales are finally falling from her eyes. Lets hope so....

fluffymouse · 14/01/2015 23:11

Well done op on reporting.

Original poster

Blackout234 · 14/01/2015 23:25

BF, i have no doubt he meant to injure me considerably, he has 20 years of martial arts and boxing experience, a black belt in karate and kickboxing, a brown belt in taekwondo and has won awards. He had to give up last year due to being severely injured from many things, however i have no doubt if he wanted to he could take my head off my shoulders, He knows exactly where the kill spots are. I am also experienced in martial arts (Although would not defend myself as he is the better fighter, has 1ft and 100lbs on me and didn't want to risk possible damage to my stomach) In martial arts and other contact sports there are multiple points you do not under any circumstances hit, even if someone has a gun in your face you disarm and restrain, the throat is one of the points you do not go for due to risk of crushing windpipe or causing extreme swelling leading to suffocation. He's never scared me before, I've never felt in danger with him until he attacked me. Now i'm shit scared of ever having to be in the same place of him, If he has attacked me once it is likely he will do it again and when theres a kid involved its too big a risk.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 14/01/2015 23:39

I hope you told the police all of this, because a man with his experience doing that is not going to get an easy time of it.

I suspect that he is expecting a slap on the wrist and will, in legal terms, be facing a punch in the throat of his own. At least, I hope so.

What a bastard. I am so glad you reported him, I was anyway, but after your most recent reply, even more so. Keep the faith xx

One thing though, he could be identified by your last post, there is a lot of information there that, if found, could prejudice a case against him. I think you should report it to MNHQ and get it removed just in case.

Original poster

Blackout234 · 14/01/2015 23:44

Yes police are aware of all of this. I hope at the very least he is left with a criminal record.
Even if i am identified, it makes no difference. I have been told what i can and can't post in terms of online support (Yup, i checked, im not leaving ex any wriggle room) I.e i can post about what happened for support, but i cant say, my ex john from cardiff (False location) of blahblah area did this and that. I'm allowed to make myself identifiable, but not do anything that could be seen as starting a witch hunt against him.

OP posts:

Jux · 14/01/2015 23:57

So glad you've reported him. It will help a lot when it comes to contact, or rather no contact!

Hope your throat is improving.

Do report that post, better safe than sorry. You'd be surprised who reads threads here.

Bogeyface · 15/01/2015 00:01

Yes I agree, better safe than sorry. It would be awful if it fell apart because of a post on MN.

Adarajames · 15/01/2015 02:28

Oh well done! I'm so relieved, was concerned for you when no further updates on your previous thread, so am so glad to come back to this update to find you've done the bravest and best thing you could in the circumstances and have reported him. Hope they charge him with as high a level offense as can, was indeed a very dangerous place to hit you, and his background he'd more than know that! Hope your throat improves soon, lots of soups and plenty of ice cream for it's certain medicinal qualities!

Flip

1 2 3 4