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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think i shouldnt have to lie for my ex

90 replies

Blackout234 · 13/01/2015 16:24

Yesterday after financial and landlord stress ex dp thought it would be appropriate to hit me. it wasn't a "spur of the moment" thing due to peaked stress, he followed me through the kitchen, to the hallway and to the front door (I was trying to go for a walk to get my head together and to give him some peace as he was constantly picking for an argument) then he grabbed me by the back of my t shirt, turned me around and punched me in the throat. first time hes ever been violent to me but at 23 weeks pregnant first and last. I'm getting photos of my changing bruise (its gone from yellow, to brown, to a purple and red line and then to a black scary looking bruise) and have written down the lead up to the attack and the attack itself and the aftermath. (His reaction wasn't "Im so sorry i did it to you" it was "Im sorry i did that but it was your fault you pushed me to it", hahaha sure). im not sure if i'll go to the police yet but thats because of my own misgivings, anyhow, this morning i was really busy calling CAB, job centre to find out what im entitled to as i cant work atm (Self employed but suffering with SPD and HG) and what i will be entitled to when baby is here as a single parent (Dont know what my work situation will be then tho)... after all this i get a call from ex mil. ex mil was demanding to know why i've stolen her ds's unborn daughter and moved 30 miles away (Only place i could go was my mums) then was saying "Oh i bet youve cheated haven't you" and giving me a barrage of abuse, in the end i just snapped and said "No MIL, your precious f--king golden boy thought it would be nice to punch his pregnant fiance in the throat so hard i now cannot eat without chewing my food to the consistency of porridge and need to go for an emergency doctors appointment later on. Piss off" and slammed the phone down. 30 mins later i had ex dp ringing my housephone (He's blocked on mobile) demanding to know why i told his mother what happened, saying hes told everyone i left him for someone else and that ive already destroyed him by leaving why do i need to do this aswell? I'm sorry if this sounds cold but he attacked ME, at the very least he should be punished by getting a bollocking off family and friends who i will put straight upon being asked. partly needed a rant, partly wanting to know if i am BU because i just dont give a shit about whatever pain he faces now as its his own doing?

OP posts:

CSIJanner · 14/01/2015 11:29

Oh Blackout - get you and your ladyballs! You did the right thing and were bloody brave given your misgivings. Have a good sob, plough through the ice-cream and Oreos, as take time to grieve for the relationship. It's his fault it ended through his own actions. You've take yourself out of it for your child's and your own safety, reported it and seen a doctor. You now need time for you. Lots of sofa/bed time, warm drinks and feel free to let go here. Well done you

Viviennemary · 14/01/2015 11:34

This is vile and violent behaviour for which there is no excuse. You cannot stay with somebody like this. Report it.

Mamadothehump · 14/01/2015 11:34

As others have said, please please go to the police. He is a vile human being and should not get away with this. It's not just about you now I'm afraid but your unborn daughter too.

Nomama · 14/01/2015 11:36

Relax folks. Op has been to the police, you have just skipped her post when replying.

Enjoy the oreos, OP.

Mamadothehump · 14/01/2015 11:36

Sorry, posted before reading your last update. Well done, you have totally done the right thing and I hope that you physically and emotionally begin to heal soon.

RandomFriend · 14/01/2015 11:38

Well done for having reported this to the police. You have done the right thing for you and your baby. I hope you get lots of support - you deserve it.

PrimalLass · 14/01/2015 11:39

Well done.

Quitelikely · 14/01/2015 11:39

I hope you manage to stay away from him OP. Something tells me this saga will drag on for years.

Please don't go back when you have your baby, in a moment of weakness.

This will never end well. He will never be who you want him to be.

RiverTam · 14/01/2015 11:39

well done, OP. I hope you feel better soon and can rebuild your life without this scumbag in it.

MissHJ · 14/01/2015 11:42

Well done for reporting it, it will now be easier to stop this man being involved in your life and the babies. Also change your phone number so none of his family can harass you. I would not want any of them near me. So sorry you had to go through that.

FightOrFlight · 14/01/2015 11:49

So glad you decided to report this Blackout. I know it's going to be hard if this goes to court but it really does need to be done.

He clearly has no remorse about what he did and is still blaming you for his behaviour. To even suggest to his family that you were cheating on him is utterly despicable. He could have just said you had a massive argument due to the stress of the the LL situation. Instead he has tried to shift the blame onto you by making himself the 'victim' instead of the perpetrator. He clearly has no intention of taking responsibility for his actions and is happy to destroy your reputation amongst friends and family. He's absolute scum and I hope he is charged and convicted of serious assault.

MaryWestmacott · 14/01/2015 11:54

Well done on reporting it.

Take care of yourself. As awful as it sounds, at least you are only at 23 weeks, you've got lots of time to get yourself sorted with a new 'minus the wanker' life/home before the baby comes.

Original poster

Blackout234 · 14/01/2015 11:55

Ive no doubt this saga will drag on for years, seeing those close to me suffer DV makes me aware that it doesn't stop when you leave, he'll probably continue to make me miserable for the next 2 years at least. Sod him, I refuse to deal with him if it puts my child at risk and tbh with the force he used punching me in the throat i have no doubt if he punched me in the tummy that he would have caused alot of damage and that alone makes me shit myself. Its just one big mess that i could never have predicted.

OP posts:

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 14/01/2015 11:57

Well done

Original poster

Blackout234 · 14/01/2015 12:12

Thank you Ehric, and everyone else :)

OP posts:

Oldraver · 14/01/2015 12:46

Well done Blackout.... and make sure you come back for support, I think you will need it

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/01/2015 12:50

Great to hear you've reported it. Look after yourself and your bump.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/01/2015 12:57

Well done for reporting it.
Even if the outcome isn't ideal, it'll be on record with photo's and GP back up so you can avoid contact with your DC.
You can always call Womens Aid to discuss your options now.

cestlavielife · 14/01/2015 12:57

well done it is so important you have this reported so you can protect your child down the line.

just go no contact with him and his family, but if you feel the need to tell them what he did then do so.

GatoradeMeBitch · 14/01/2015 13:00

You're awesome Blackout! You've done absolutely the right thing for you and your dc. Take good care of yourself.

If anyone tries bothering you/begging you to drop the charges, let them know you will have no hesitation in reporting them for harassment. You're probably due a call any minute from his DM telling you what a good boy he is...

Original poster

Blackout234 · 14/01/2015 13:08

Oh im sure ex mil will be calling any minute to tell me its all my fault her golden boy is sitting in a cell. oh well, I honestly couldnt care less about how he feels or what hes doing. I won't be calling everyone in my phone book to tell them, however if someone has a go at me for "Leaving for another man" They'll have the truth and a flaming from both barrels. Uch.

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 14/01/2015 13:09

Thank god you reported.

The thought of him getting unsupervised access - or worse, custody if he accused you of parental alienation - didn't bear thinking about.

What a pig he was expecting you to accept being labelled a cheat to his family and friends so he could get sympathy.

FelineLou · 14/01/2015 13:23

Well done for leaving and getting his assault dealt with. Onward and upward to a new life.

qazxc · 14/01/2015 13:23

Well done! You are awesome!

Andrewofgg · 14/01/2015 13:30

He ought to be charged with ABH but the CPS will probably charge common assault so that he cannot elect trial by jury which costs more. Too bad, I'm afraid.

He will almost certainly be bailed especially if his DM offers to house him - which is what DMs do. There will certainly be a condition of no contact and if he breaks it REPORT AT ONCE. There will probably also be a condition to keep him out of the area - just how far out depends how far yours is from MIL and also where his work is.

There may be an exception allowing him to come back once with a police officer to collect his belongings - if there is please cooperate, you don't want his clothes and shoes.

If you are lucky he will plead but if not you will have to give evidence. Please, please do it. For your sake and your baby's.

If he has no previous he probably won't get an immediate custodial sentence but there should be a restraining order to keep him away from you into the middle distance. Tell the police that you want that applied for and also tell them that you want "screens" to stop him seeing you when you are giving evidence.

All the best. You have done the right thing. And there are some offenders of this type for whom a night in the cells and a criminal conviction come as a salutary shock and never do it again. So you may have saved somebody else from being the victim (and him from being the perpetrator) of an even worse crime.

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