Aibu: to feel devastated that my son said this?

[kewtogetin]

Afternoon all. I'm not usually one for drama but I'm actually feeling devastated over an incident at my sons school today. He is in year 2 and at pick up time his teacher asked if she could have a word. It transpires that my son called a girl in his class 'brownie' during a lesson this afternoon. The girl is his friend, of Pakistani heritage and so does indeed have brown skin. I asked him why he said this and he replied 'because she has brown skin mummy'
I genuinely believe this incident doesn't have racist undertones but if course I understand that making fun of someone because they look different to you is also not acceptable.
Race/racism is not something we've ever spoken about at home, I don't think he has any concept of racism. He certainly hasn't heard any negative language surrounding race either at home or within the wider family. His teacher was very unhappy and he has received a warning and will miss out on the end of term treat as punishment. She also told me (grudgingly) that she is prepared 'to leave it at this, and not take it any further')
I can't understand why I'm so upset over it, I think it's because I'm worried that his teacher has him marked as a racist but also because he seems so bewildered as to why this incident is so serious. Im waiting for DH to come home from work before we talk to him together but to be honest I really don't know where to start or what to say, I'm upset with him but for him too if that makes any sense?!
Any advice gratefully received.

So sad for your poor ds. Total overreaction. Innocent observations by children describing their world and the people they see shouldn't be punished like that.

I can obviously only speak for myself but there's no way I'd be upset if a little boy or girl said that to my dd in an innocent way. My dh calls me chocolate brownie sometimes in an affectionate way, which I find really sweet.

Because talking to a person of a different color from yourself is fraught with dangers and difficulties
The only dangers and difficulties are the ones you are seeking to create. In the OP's case no-one had any problem except the teacher. No-one said the brown skinned friend was offended.

I have pale skin, that is usually called "white". That doesn't offend me. My partner has very dark skin, and he is very happy to be called "black". We plan to have children, and they will probably have brown skin. We'll be entirely satisfied for them to be called "brown",and we'll make sure that they are comfortable with their bodies whatever shape or colour they happen to be.

When you seek to use these innocent terms to cause ill-feeling or discontent you are creating racism where none exists. Get over yourself!

The teachers reaction is ridiculous. She was right to tell you and right to talk to your son but it does not merit such a harsh punishment.

If there was any hint of your son meaning it meanly them he should be told off or, possibly, punished but if it was a careless comment then I think just a talk would be ok.
Whatever his intentions I think it would be appropriate for him to properly apologise to the girl.

Please don't feel bad about this OP, kids throw curve balls from time to time.

Massive overreaction by the teacher and Id be absolutely fuming. To punish at a later date is appalling, ask her if she would punish a dog 5 weeks after its done wrong. FFS

As a side though my son was talking about a game he plays and was trying to describe the character and used "the brown one" (he also says "the black one" sometimes). For a split second Mumsnet popped into my head and I cringed that he had used that to describe someone.

Then I got a grip and realised that the character is in fact brown, and he is only 5.

"NewStatesman*
Sorry, I was addressing that at Username as I hope was clear. My anger got in the way of my quoting.

I think it's a bit of an overreaction on the part of the school - though I also think it's good that they clearly sat down and thought what their reaction should be.

We do talk a lot about race in my family, partly because there's a lot of variation in our family and friendship groups. When my (brown) DS was small, he got quite excited by this and would loudly exclaim in the supermarket "there's a BROWN man!", "there's a WHITE man!", "there's a BLACK man!", etc etc - which you can imagine was not at all embarrassing for me.... Children will talk about what they notice, and I think this is a good thing when done with good, non-hostile intent.

It's great if the school are trying to do the right thing, but I've found that schools can occasionally be a bit clueless about what the right thing might mean in practice. (Eg; the lovely middle-class white deputy head in primary solemnly explaining to me, when I'd complained that all the children ever seemed to do in music was rap, that it was important to have music that was "relevant" to the children. Argh!)

I had to talk to my son because he said he didn't like people with brown skin. Now I know he said that because he doesn't like the colour brown and not because he dislikes people with brown/black skin.
I explained that it's not nice to say you don't like someone because of their skin colour or their hair or whatever. I said that if someone said they didn't like him because he wears glasses

Then that wouldn't be very kind and this was the same thing. He understood what I was saying and I've heard nothing since.

When you seek to use these innocent terms to cause ill-feeling or discontent

I have said nothing like that.

That sound like a huge over reaction to me. I'd definitely challenge the out of proportion punishment too. There are some good points on here which you could build into an email to help with conciseness.

Ridiculous over-reaction by inexperienced young teacher that you are right to challenge.

One oft-repeated maxim from my parents and grand-parents (who incidentally were chronically racist) was "we don't make personal remarks about other people". It's a great rule, and covers just about all eventualities.

But please DO have the conversation about race with your child. If they are old enough to talk about other people and pass comment, they are old enough to learn that commenting on skin colour / disabilities / other differences is not acceptable.