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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand middle names with no meaning?

144 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 13/01/2015 11:37

Just been lurking about on baby names.

Can someone please explain the rationale of spending months agonising over finding a second name that they love, just for it to be a middle name that is basically never used other than on official paperwork? I don't get it Confused

My 3 DC have middle names that belonged to family members no longer with us that we wanted to remember and wanted the kids to be aware of as they grow up. it would never occur to DH and I to used a name we just liked as a middle name - save it for the next DC! plus it took us long enough to find one name we liked enough for each DC first name

If you have no-one you want to commemorate why give a middle name at all??

OP posts:
Summerisle1 · 13/01/2015 13:16

Since there seems little likelihood of middle names suddenly being rationed, I tend to think that the idea of them being "superfluous" is not really for anyone else to determine.

As it happens my dcs (and now my dgds) have middle names because their surname is very common (like Smith but not) and because in some cases, the middle name is in memory of a much loved relative. In the case of dgd1, her middle name is simply a lovely name that goes well with her first name and surname though. The idea that she shouldn't have a middle name because hers is "meaningless" strikes me as weird and not really anyone else's business.

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 13/01/2015 13:19

I wouldn't have chosen my DC middle names if not for their meaning - 2 are just not my taste, but standard given names and the other 2 are surnames which are rarely used as given names. although had i hated the names i may have found a connecting name to use i guess. one of the surname ones was picked because we preferred it to the person's given name.

OP posts:
IsadoraQuagmire · 13/01/2015 13:21

I don't understand why some people are saying that middle names are never used though. I know quite a few people, lots in my own family, who always go by their middle names.
And people very often ask me my middle name once they've heard what my first name is (I get a "what a beautiful name" type of reaction every single time) so I should think almost everyone I know has heard all 3 of my Christian names.

noitsbecky · 13/01/2015 13:21

A case where a girl could REALLY have benefitted from a 'meaningless' middle name!

to not understand middle names with no meaning?
Seff · 13/01/2015 13:23

DD has the same middle name as me, and my mum.
DS has the same middle name as DH, and his dad.

We have other family names we could use for our hypothetical babies Smile

CatThiefKeith · 13/01/2015 13:23

I haven't even got a middle name. 5 letter first name, 6 letter second name. I NEVER used to win 'what's the time Mr Wolf'. Angry

Dd's is after my grandmother, who was amazing.

TalkinPeace · 13/01/2015 13:25

in my case
one child the middle names are family names - child knew one of the people they are named after
other child they are 'normal' names in case child grew up to loathe unusual first name

I have family names first and middle
DH has year name and family middle name

its a nice way to keep names alive

splodgeses · 13/01/2015 13:25

My dd has a middle name because the first name I wanted her to have did not flow well with her surname straight after it. Also, her initials would have been slightly unfavourable. I had always wanted her name for my first dd, but couldn't foresee what my married surname would be. There was no way I was changing my favourite name, as it has sentimental meaning, so a shorter (and equally lovely) middle name solved the issue. It flows very well. Smile There isn't a great deal of 'meaning' behind her middle name, but an enormous amount of reason.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 13/01/2015 13:27

Johnny African names are cool aren't they? I used to know a Fantastic and a Magic. They'd be hard to forget!

waithorse · 13/01/2015 13:29

YABU. Middle names are pointless if you don't use them. So it really doesn't matter if you use a family name or just one you like. What difference does it make if you don't use it ? My dc have name's we liked and they get used a lot. I often call them by there second names or both names.

SilentBob · 13/01/2015 13:31

'Save it for the next DC!' Says the OP. Yeah, because we ALL obviously go in to have more.

VirginiaTonic · 13/01/2015 13:37

Surely the fact that your parent LIKED the name is enough to make your middle name special to you.

MrsGSR · 13/01/2015 13:46

My MIL has three middle names. I think the story is that her dad went to register her and added two extra that he liked!

I love family middle names. DD's middle name is an amalgamation of her grandmother's names (which is an old fashioned name itself, personally I'm not a fan of made up names). I also have my grandmother's names, but separately. However, I think just liking a name is a good enough reason to use it.

RedToothBrush · 13/01/2015 13:50

Why give children a 'meaningless' first name that you just love? Traditionally even first names were generally 'for a reason' after family members. Its a relatively new thing to name your children anything you like. A hundred years ago, it slowly began to change with more unusual names becoming increasingly more popular. Either John or William were the most popular boys name from 1550 to the mid 20th Century!

i will clarify my OP a bit by explaining the thing i don't get is where no name is obvious for any reason, why spend months desperately searching for a name the child doesn't need?

Why did the tradition of giving a child a 'meaningful' first name die out? Why did the tradition of having only one name and no surname start?

The answer is simply individuality, an increasing population and fashions.

DS has two middle names... They are 'meaningful' but I suspect that the trend of two middle names, whether meaningful or not will increase over the next few decades.

stripedtortoise · 13/01/2015 13:54

Good for you. Some people don't have family or indeed family they get on with. Personally I would dislike being 'named after' someone. I like having my own identity and thus did the same for my kids.
No right, no wrong.

YABU to care.

Notso · 13/01/2015 14:20

Good point SilentBob. If I'd have known I'd only have one DD I'd have given her more middle names.

TheCraicDealer · 13/01/2015 14:32

The answer is simply individuality, an increasing population and fashions.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head there, RedToothbrush, and this is the reason why it annoys me! It seems to be a really crap way of trying to be “youneek” with usually quite common first names. Your kid could have the most inventive middle name in the world, but unless you’ve gone for something outside the box they’re still going to be one of five Ellas, Jacks or Sophies in their class.

It doesn’t have to have ‘meaning’, but if you genuinely don’t have any ideas or think “oh, that sounds nice” then you have no imagination. If you have to go on a forum to ask for middle name ideas maybe you should just consider not having one. I’d be more interested if the OP was phrased as “we met on holiday in Ibiza, can anyone think of a middle name to reflect this?” or something, not just completely random suggestions from total strangers for the sake of it.

fluffyraggies · 13/01/2015 14:38

I am one of those parents who stressed over second names.

I have 4 daughters and therefore had to find 8 names. DDs names are not hyphenated, so not meant to always be heard together every time, but i like the fact that the whole name flows. When people do see/hear/ask about the whole thing it they always comment on what beautiful names they have.

Personally i see the name as a whole thing. No choice over the surname obviously, but i choose their first and second names to flow along with the surname and sound lovely when said out loud.

I don't see why you would choose a pretty name for a child and then plonk an ugly name alongside it to 'commemorate' a dead person. It's like painting a beautiful picture and then just bunging something which doesn't go in the middle of it.

SoonToBeMrsB · 13/01/2015 14:41

My middle name has no sentimental value, it just happens to be the same as my mum's and neither of us really like it!

I have names picked for future kids and while the boy's choice is my brother's middle name (James, the kid will be James Patrick or Christopher James... in no rush to decide!), the girl's names are just pretty names that I like. No connection to anyone I know.

HappyAgainOneDay · 13/01/2015 14:47

Middle names are useful when tracing people. If you are looking up your antecedents, you'll fine 2,000 John Smiths. Who wants to trawl through that lot? There might be ten John Jeff Smiths or thirteen John Fred Smiths or one John Steve Smith.

The same thing applies with documents. It's always useful to have other initials when signing your name. John P Smith is better than John Smith.

As 2tired2bewitty says, databases are another thing to think about. Do you want final demand letters to come to you?

2rebecca · 13/01/2015 14:51

Very little in life has meaning, why should middle names be any different? Not sure my kids' first names have meaning either.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 13/01/2015 14:53

I don't know if DD's middle name has meaning or not to be honest. We chose a name we liked, that went with her first name but agreed that it had to be a name off our family tree.

I really can't see why people get worked up over how someone else chooses to name their child. Can't see why it matters myself.

And saying 'just save a name you like for another child' is fairly ridiculous. What if you can't have any more? What if you've decided to have an only? Or decided your family is complete?

Indantherene · 13/01/2015 17:22

One of our DCs has a middle name commemorating a relative who died 9 months before they were born. The others have middle names that we liked.

I don't have a middle name and have a plain one syllable name that I hate.

The only middle name custom I don't like is when everyone uses the same one. Can't see the point of Sarah Jane, Emily Rose, Emma Louise, Elizabeth Ann. etc. Think of something a bit more original. From the baby names threads it seems most girls these days have the middle name Rose or Grace or May/Mae, so why bother?

LaLyra · 13/01/2015 17:24

Mine all have middle names for two reasons. We have a common surname so it'll help differentiate them from other Smiths (not Smith, but common). Mostly it was because I hated the name my parents chose for me. They obviously thought they were being unusual or unique, but in reality they saddled me with a stupid name that I hated and they'd have been better tying a 'please bully me' sign around my neck. Using my middle name, a family name they were persuaded to use by my Grandparents, is an easier option than changing my name completely would have been.

I spent as much time on middle names as I did first names in case they have the same feelings toward their first name as I did.

ChocolateTeapotsDontWork · 13/01/2015 17:33

My DC both have middle names which mean something to us (music related).

I dislike the naming after a dead relative thing, not saying it's wrong at all, but that's just my personal thoughts.

Middle names can have meaning or not, or just be there so the child has a choice of what they want to call themselves, or a combination.

But really who cares what other people call their children.