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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not understand middle names with no meaning?

144 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 13/01/2015 11:37

Just been lurking about on baby names.

Can someone please explain the rationale of spending months agonising over finding a second name that they love, just for it to be a middle name that is basically never used other than on official paperwork? I don't get it

My 3 DC have middle names that belonged to family members no longer with us that we wanted to remember and wanted the kids to be aware of as they grow up. it would never occur to DH and I to used a name we just liked as a middle name - save it for the next DC! plus it took us long enough to find one name we liked enough for each DC first name

If you have no-one you want to commemorate why give a middle name at all??

OP posts:

Original poster

QueenofKelsingra · 13/01/2015 11:57

I didn't say it was wrong, I just said I didn't get it.

bumbiscuits not odd, I think its lovely.

whirlytwirly a lot of those reasons make sense.

I was more talking about the ones who don't have a name lined up and are agonising over it. if you have always wanted to call your child Annabel Jane then that makes sense, there is no thinking about it. if you love Charlotte and DH loves Anne then Charlotte Anne makes sense.

i will clarify my OP a bit by explaining the thing i don't get is where no name is obvious for any reason, why spend months desperately searching for a name the child doesn't need?

OP posts:

youbethemummylion · 13/01/2015 11:58

My kids both have a 'meaningless' middle name, but DH and I didn't agonise over them, if we couldn't think of one they wouldn't have had one but we chose them at the same time as their first names.

beachysandy75 · 13/01/2015 11:58

A middle name gives the child another name option if they are not keen on their first name. I know quite a few people that use their middle name. So it makes sense to give a middle name that you like.

We gave our sons middle names after special relations. They also happen to be names we like.

addictedtosugar · 13/01/2015 11:59

So you don't have the work IT system put in a random initial in your e-mail address, because your the 7th John Smith that has ever worked here, and they can't reissue e-mail addresss???

KingJoffreyObviouslyWatchesHol · 13/01/2015 11:59

Chandler from Friends had Muriel as a middle name.

Chandler Muriel Bing.

I quite like Muriel as a name.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 13/01/2015 12:00

DD needs a middle name so I can sound cool when I tell her off.

My middle name has no real meaning, and yet it's been useful - it's my Equity surname

Original poster

QueenofKelsingra · 13/01/2015 12:01

waitingonasunnyday oh yes, the full name does come in handy for telling off

I'm not 'irritated' by it, just seems people are getting worked up over finding a second 'perfect' name when it isn't necessary.

and yes i do think its very weird if your chief concern with naming is that they can be found in a database!!

OP posts:

ActionManEyes · 13/01/2015 12:03

I just like so many names it would feel like a waste only to give the DC one each! And I suppose to me it just would feel wrong, somehow. Everyone in my family has at least one middle name (I have two - neither is very nice IMO but they are mine!)

So for DD we chose a pretty and slightly unusual first name, and then DP's mother's very traditional and classic name for a middle name; for DS we chose a traditional but underused first name and I chose Alexander for his middle name, purely because it has a nice flow between his first name and surname and because I was / am a bit of an Alexander the Great geek . His full name is brilliant, sounds like a 19th century statesman

littlejohnnydory · 13/01/2015 12:03

We chose them because we liked the sound of them. And it was a chance to give our children more than one lovely name!

We deliberately chose not to name our DC after anyone in either family. Too much potential for offence in picking one, for one thing. I wouldn't have wanted to link our children with my extended family in any case and wanted them to have their own name.

YABU, I'll name my children however I like, thanks, your opinion isn't invited or necessary.

HighwayDragon · 13/01/2015 12:04

But what would I shout up the stairs/across the playground if she didn't have a middle name? name-middlename-surname you know you are in deep doo!

GloopMonster · 13/01/2015 12:05

Each to their own. Some people like using a family name, some want to give their child two names that they just like (also gives child the option of being known by their middle name if they prefer it, as I've known several people do).

Dd has a middle name, mostly because DH and I liked the two names together, and there is a link to dh's national heritage. But mostly cos we liked it!

I don't find either way odd, it's just what the parents choose.

GloopMonster · 13/01/2015 12:06

Also, the family politics of 'from which side of the family do we choose the middle name?' was not something we wanted to get tangled up in...

MasqueradeWaltzer · 13/01/2015 12:08

I have no middle name and hated being left out of all the 'what's your middle name?' convos at primary school. In fact, by secondary school, I may have made a couple up...

Then all my friends from my RC primary school went and got confirmation names, so I was left behind again. Not fair!

I gave the dds middle names, but didn't agonise over them - just picked something that harmonised nicely with what they had on either side. I've met several kids who have hated their agonised-over, well-thought-out, unique middle names and pretend they don't have one - the opposite of my experience!

IsadoraQuagmire · 13/01/2015 12:11

I have 2 middle names and both have "meaning" (my grandmother's name and my mother's) But I don't see anything wrong with using names just because the parents love them.

Notso · 13/01/2015 12:13

I don't understand how people can only love such a tiny selection of names
that they daren't use two incase they have another child.
I could name a classroom full each with two names.

If you only had two family members to commemorate would you only have given two of your three DC a middle name? What would you say if they asked why?

Three of my four do have names with a family connection, very loose in one case. Very strong in the other two cases. The other one has the saints name of my birthplace.

The thought process in all but one was we liked the names, they sound right with chosen first name and then the connection.
For DC4 I wanted him to have my Grandpas first name and Dads middle name and actually didn't use my first choice first name as it didn't fit (both names had the same first syllable).

ContentedSidewinder · 13/01/2015 12:14

As someone who has waded through medical files that were amalgamated because both patients had the same name and very similar date of birth, please give your child a middle name

It does distinguish them from the other person with the same name. You might think your child's names is unique but I know of two girls with the exact same first name and surname and unusual spelling. They are not related. They attend the same school and are the same age. They are in different forms but sadly the same literacy and numeracy group. Hell for the teacher.

Children's work in school is usually labelled with a child's first name. If you have two Jacks then they go by Jack C or Jack T. Again in the rl example above they have to put their middle initial. If they didn't they would be child 1 and child 2.

We chose both first and second names for our children because we just liked them. No connection to person or place. My Mum was the last of 4 children, she was the only one without a middle name because they "ran out" of ideas. Hence why we all had middle names!

RedHairDontCare · 13/01/2015 12:14

Like Masquerade I don't have a middle name, at school the other children would say my parents loved me less. I wouldn't have minded if it was a dead/alive relative or just a random name, I just wanted one!

BornToFolk · 13/01/2015 12:16

and yes i do think its very weird if your chief concern with naming is that they can be found in a database!!

Well, I wouldn't say it's a chief concern but it does make sense in this day and age (identity theft etc) to consider giving your child a middle name to make them distinguishable from other people with the name first/surnames.

Nolim · 13/01/2015 12:20

Spiderman's girlfriend uses both first and middle names: mary jane. Sounds good imho.
Not all middle names get lost in paperwork!

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 13/01/2015 12:21

OP not that weird. It can be very important to be able to identify the correct person in a database.

There are two teenage boys living in my local area with the same name and same birth date. Their addresses are also quite similar. They each have medical conditions which make it vital that the hospital know which boy they are dealing with and which records they are looking at.

They had a couple of near misses with incorrect medication so the local Trust and school systems now has all their files specially tagged.

AngelDreams · 13/01/2015 12:22

Because we like it???

Because you can use your middle name if you like without having to go through the palavar of changing your name

DH was known at school as his second name for a while, my old boss used his second name...

YAdefBU

chainedtothedesk · 13/01/2015 12:23

Nice to have a middle name as well as helpful. Two girls in my year at school had the same first and surname so middle name was the only way to tell one from the other when it came to exams.

nousernamesleft · 13/01/2015 12:26

I'm another one who was deprived of a middle name. All 4 of my dc have middle names, 3 have a meaningful middle name, and the last has the name the eldest 2 picked as her middle name poor kid saddled with a Disney channel name

ChilliMum · 13/01/2015 12:26

I too do not have a middle name. Remarkably it has bothered me my whole life. At school and even now people were convinced that it must be something so embarrassing that I will not share! Honestly people just don't let it go. I also couldn't understand why my brother got one and I didn't so I made one up, I was only 5 and therefore not a real name providing much hilarity for my family - and now a lovely family joke shared at my expense whenever possible.

I am traumatised by the lack of a middle name.

Both my children have middle names.

123Jump · 13/01/2015 12:28

OP YANBU!
I love a browse on Baby Name threads, but I too often wonder at all the fuss people make over a middle name.
No one ever hears your middle name. Why tie yourself in knots over it?
I'm all for having one, just not sure why people spend so much time sweating over it.

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