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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have found FIL very rude and wanted him out of my house?

87 replies

Manyproblemsinthishouse · 12/01/2015 16:18

Bit of a backstory. FIL lives alone, mil passed 10 years ago and he has no other living family on his side. At christmas my DM invited him to come to hers with us so he could be with family, he agreed.
Christmas morning he text to say he doesn't want to come any more as felt a bit ill - fair enough, DM and dp were upset but life goes on.. DM had got him a book for christmas and we gave it to him Boxing Day along with our presents for him ( he had not got me or the children presents apart from dp)

He didn't even text my mum to say thank you and just took the presents. Anyway yesterday he was here and DM arrived to drop some stuff off, first time she'd seen him in a long time and they hadn't spoken (he didn't even apologise for not turning up on Xmas) she came in and asked if he liked the book she got him and he replied 'oh I gave up after a couple of pages, it was very chiche and probably for people slightly less intelligent than me'

DM stood there slightly shocked and left, AIBU to think he's very rude? Or was I over reacting? I had enough of his attitude, he can be rude to me and dp but to my DM I felt very defensive and after she left i told dp to get him out of the house. I just think he was implying DM was thick and his tone was very patronising.

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 13/01/2015 13:45

BoredChurch thank you.

Hakluyt I am very sorry if I caused offence to anyone, not just you. That is why I asked for the post to be pulled. But you have just repeated what I said! So for the record. I was thinking the OP's relative was elderly, like my mum, who is in her 80s and has dementia. She says what she wants to or rather what she is able to, she focuses on her and herself and her health and in the middle of talking about something else she will bring the conversation back to her and her needs.

Sometimes I do think when people have reached an older stage in life that they may want to do this regardless of dementia but you have made me see that this is ageist and I have no desire at all to be prejudiced against anyone, on any grounds so I wanted the post removed so as to not cause anyone offence and I will certainly not be making hat comment again! But you are right I did make it and you repeated it in a quote from me.

What someone said is right, of course, rude younger people can become rude older people etc etc and so I was wrong to imply anything about the OP's father in law in relation to his age.

plainjanine · 13/01/2015 14:43

I my experience, people who think they are intelligent have far worse manners and attitude than people who actually are, and they see their imagined superiority as a reason to be an arse with inferior people.

"Did you mean to be so rude" and "Oh dear, I thought better of you than that" should be used liberally.

Coyoacan · 13/01/2015 14:48

I my experience, people who think they are intelligent have far worse manners and attitude than people who actually are

Also their learning generally gets stultified as they are too intelligent to listen to anyone else.

Twentythree9teen · 13/01/2015 20:05

How has this thread got to four pages without someone asking '"what on earth does "chiche" mean?"'

Skatingfastonthinice · 13/01/2015 20:52

I'm not offended or upset at all Italiangreyhound, especially as my DD has just brought m a cup of tea with due deference to my age.

I may use the idea of becoming rude and doing what I want as a reason why I shouldn't be teaching until I'm 70. Or whenever the government decides I should. I may start telling parents and children the unfiltered truth.
But FWIW, I think the OP's FIL is a conceited arse and always has been since he was a small boy in short trousers.

Original poster

Manyproblemsinthishouse · 13/01/2015 23:09

Glad you agree he's an ass!
Oh I meant cliche.. Might have spelt it wrong.. Like clishaaaaay

OP posts:

roland83 · 13/01/2015 23:41

You didn't offend me. However your post was offensive. However much you now backtrack about dementia, what you actually said was " but I do think when you get past a certain age some people just decide to say and do what they want." Which is just pure ageism.

I'm 31 and that applies to me.. It's not ageism! It's the truth! And you could take it as a positive or a negative really.

Italiangreyhound · 13/01/2015 23:41

Good news Skatingfastonthinice

Maybe I was thinking of WhenI am old

Manyproblemsinthishouse did I miss what the book was?

badrobot74 · 14/01/2015 07:53

Hiya

I would also be very defensive of a parent or loved one so you aren't alone there!

However I've just been through a dementia diagnosis with my dad, now looking back things seem to click into place. He became more withdrawn and socially slightly inept .. And his personality gradually changed. It's also worth noting that if he had a cold he would become much worse in his behaviour. Maybe your fil is just a rude old beggar but something to consider. I've since learnt that they can have the disease for many years before symptoms become noticeable.

Icimoi · 14/01/2015 08:15

If FiL loves Top Gear, that's definitely a sign that he's not as bright as he thinks he is.

motherinferior · 15/01/2015 22:58

He doesn't sound particularly bright to me, frankly, from that remark.

Italiangreyhound · 16/01/2015 01:21

Sorry roland I didn't see your post. It's not ageism! It's the truth! thanks roland. I didn't say the age; that's true. It could have been 5! My dd certainly got a lot ruder after 5!

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