to think it would be great if people who put big glittery BATH letters...

[emptycoffers]

over the bath and COOK letters over the cooker and BAKE over the oven went the whole hog and had PISS in large decorative letters over the toilet, FUCK or SHAG over the bed, ARGUE over the kitchen sink and so on?

Obviously I've been watching too many HOUSE programmes on tv and seeing all the lovely sparkly letters in other peoples houses.

What helpful words would you like to see.

BYEEEEE over the inside of the front door?

I'm thinking of BITTER and CYNICAL over the outside of my own house

Saffron Herbs de Provence and thyme. Buggered if I know what the I is though.

Fennel
Allspice
Nutmeg
Jerk seasoning
Oregano

I'm off to Tesco

Re the shitty Marilyn Monroe quote, I know someone who has it tattooed all over their abdomen

This is fantastic. I make wooden signs/painted letters ... now considering an alternative range! Wonder if they'd actually sell?

Kenton

rename your business "Bonkers, wriiiite?"

There's a great house near us that was renovated a few years ago and some wonderful architectural features added. The garden is also amazing and funky and the whole place looked so cool.

They've recently added a large 'home' sign to the outside wall.

The cool instantly was replaced by cutesy. Tis very disappointing. I'm unreasonably irritated every time I pass it now.

I would like a reversible one for outside saying "shit creek" on one side and " not so shit creek" on the other.
Also I am debating whether to wipe dd's bum with the tea towel I received at Xmas saying "desserts is stressed spelt backwards"
My sil has a plaque on each door of her house, kitchen, bathroom etc, and stick on signs in the bathroom saying things like "bathe" "wash" "pamper"
And a kitchen clock with knives, forks and spoons sticking out of the side, she loves it:)

Yanbu! I hate those things- but not as much as the awful 'dance like no one is watching.....' Quote plastered in floaty writing across a wall (or tattooed on a stomach). I go in lots of people's houses for my job and I see it at least once a week- not remotely unique or inspiring and quite often they have been put done wonky which just irritates me even more!

I'm always tempted to put them in the wrong place. So BATH in the living room and SLEEP in the kitchen.

You can get 'Unwelcome' mats.

The only one Amazon seems to have at the moment has an AK47 on it. But they've also recently had 'Leave' 'Go Away' and 'Not You Again'

zing I have a pic of that numberplate too! we sniggered behind it on a motorway

An I the only one who gets all belligerent when confronted by an "eat" sign in someone's kitchen? I start to think "actually, no, I won't. I'm not being dictated to by twee home accessories."

Actually, I'd like a big "fuck off" one for the end of the drive, to stop every twat in a 10 mile radius from parking across it.

My spices say "Stop Him Cop" today, but it changes.

I need more vowels, I can't think of an E or U and I haven't got any Allspice.

As for signs.

DD2 needs HOMEWORK in lilac glitter.

DD1 needs one of those programmable signs, to say, When is music? Have you got choir, Rangers, Science Club, Youth Group?

If you don't fucking know, ring, text, email the relevant person or find the rehearsal letter!!!

And WE NEED TO LEAVE IN 5 MINUTES*

DD1 is almost 17 and has sung for ten years, but still I fetch up chancing lessons and rehearsals she's forgotten and chancing her out the house on time!

Chasing

It's all a bit like Father Jack has been allowed to design homewares - "drink", "feck", "arse", "girls"!

I'll have CONDOMS nailed to the bedroom ceiling please..we've forgotten once too many times for comfort recently .

I laughed at the 'shag' over the bed one and 'piss' by the toilet

I know someone who has a sign in their bathroom saying 'the poo room' and it makes me feel a bit sick

My special stair signs would have to say:

In this house
We sometimes take the smaller householders
To school on teacher training days
Because we are shit parents
Sorry
Is that why
DS1 only comes out of his room
To forage
And DS2 prefers the company
Of the hamster?

The company that sells FUCK OFF for the porch - either a wooden sign or a mat, not fussed... will get my purchase.

Works for everyone - rellies, canvassers, sales people... everyone.

I want this: www.etsy.com/uk/listing/215155459/black-cat-cushion-pillow-pss-off-cotton?

And theeeese:
www.thepinkminx.co.uk/naughty-cushions.php

www.etsy.com/uk/listing/72623072/rude-doormat-fck-off-outdoor-mature

Friends years ago had a sign saying Peanteith on their bathroom door. Visiting English friends asked them if it was a Scottish place name. "Naw, it's what we ask the kids to do before they go to their beds every night".