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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put 1 year old in nursery for a break

116 replies

findingherfeet · 12/01/2015 09:57

DD (3) goes to nursery one full day and one morning a week.

DS is ten months. After his first birthday i would like him to do one morning (4 hours) to basically give me a break - do paperwork without a baby crying or DD demanding my pen etc

I'm tired, he doesn't sleep well.

I'm not returning to work for probably another year... My DH thinks he's a bit young and as I'm at home....

We have very little family support and are not wealthy but could manage this as DD has just got her 11 hours entitlement.

Am I being a demanding WAG style monster?....

OP posts:
museumum · 12/01/2015 19:27

Even with just one child when I was on mat leave I could not have coped without the change in routine of having my dh at home at the weekends. I would have gone insane.
However, it sounds like you gave married a workaholic which is something I woukdnt have done. When does he ever see his children? He's missing out and so are they. You can pay for a bit of respite via nursery but your dh can't get this time back.

LaLyra · 12/01/2015 19:37

I think the fact your husband does work 7 days is more of a reason to do it. If he worked 9-5 Mon-Fri then he could pitch in more over the weekend to give you a break, but he can't.

I did it when I was a SAHM. Weekends were family time. Wednesdays were mine.

ashtrayheart · 12/01/2015 19:52

Good for you to have a break and good for ds to have the social experiences gained from a nursery environment Smile

QuietTinselTardis · 12/01/2015 20:01

I'm a sahm and when ds was one he was put into nursery for two afternoons a week as I was exhausted amd at the end of my tether. The kid didn't sit still still doesn't and was climbing at 9 months and walking at 11 so very mobile and I couldn't leave him unattended and short of strapping him in the high chair all day so I could do stuff, I had no chance to get anything done.
Dh was happy to pay for him to go to give me a break as he knew how hard it was. And he only worked 5 days a week.
Looking back I think he was a little young but I'm pretty sure I was a bit depressed and struggled to cope that first year so I needed the break. Dd is now 13 months and I'm not thinking of putting her in nursery yet even though she's more bloody mobile and active than ds was as I cope better as I'm not feeling low. I'll wait until she's a little older.

QuietTinselTardis · 12/01/2015 20:02

Forgot to say so yanbu, go for it. Especially if he's already familiar with the nursery.

TurquoiseDress · 12/01/2015 20:17

OP if you can afford it I'd say go for it!

It'll be good for your LO to be around other small and it's only for a few hours, not the entire week!

Mrsfrumble · 12/01/2015 20:22

Do it!

Last month when my 4 year old started preschool we decided to put 2 YO DD in the nursery room once a week too. She goes for five hours on a Tuesday and she loves it! I'm using my "day off" for driving lessons, serious cleaning and batch cooking.

SoddingCupcakes · 12/01/2015 20:46

I would absolutely definitely do it. Plus it will do him good to socialise with other babies!!

Are you for real? Have you researched the (peer reviewed) benefits vs risks of childcare for the under 3s?

museumum · 12/01/2015 21:34

None of that research applies to one morning a week cupcakes

ghostyslovesheep · 12/01/2015 21:37

unclench Cupcakes - it's 3 hours a week Hmm

go for it OP you sound like you need the time out xxx

Original poster
findingherfeet · 12/01/2015 21:41

Museumum he does miss out at times we both know that but sometimes when self employed needs must and for many reasons it is what it is.

He leaves late in the mornings and see the children most evenings, helps with dinner/bath etc

The benefit to his work means he is local and will always be there if me or the DC are unwell/he'll come to appointments etc with us and makes an effort for any important events..took a day off a week for a year when I was working to have DD ....

Anyway I'm not sure why I'm justifying this, he's a wonderful man and dad thank you v much! Not what I was asking about.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 12/01/2015 21:43

Do it

DS was in nursery 3 days a week from 5 months old. He's happy, confident and really advanced with his speech etc. I personally think it did him the world of good.

42bunnytails · 12/01/2015 21:53

DD2 did one day a week from 18 months old. Kept me sane (I don't do small people 24/7 well and have no support nearby except DH). Kept her sane as she is a very sociable child and gave me the afternoon with DD1.

She loved nursery and carried on going right up to starting school and then went to the odd day at their holiday club.

Pre school were a bit grumpy that she only did 3 mornings and used the other to sessions to go to nursery and we went to toddlers on Fridays. Tough, she loved nursery (far more space and lots more staff) and I liked a whole days peace.

It also found us a babysitter (head of 2/3 yearolds)

FullOfChoc · 12/01/2015 21:58

Sounds like a good idea to me. As you are going back to work it will get the baby used to nursery early, which is a bonus.

Yarp · 12/01/2015 22:04

Did this when DS2 was 9 months old. In my case it was a lovely childminder. It saved my mental health really. This age gap can be hard. I felt guilty at first but no one else was negative about it.

Yarp · 12/01/2015 22:06

. btw DS 2 loved his CM. he is and alsways has been a very sociable child.

Pilgit · 12/01/2015 22:15

Definitely do it! This sounds like the only break you would have so go for it. It would also be good for your DD to have some time on her own with you. If your DH continues to query it tot up how much downtime you both get. Despite him being involved I would bet he gets more than you.

serislou · 12/01/2015 22:19

I am just about to put ds2 (12months) into nursery with his older brother 2 mornings a week. I have been agonising over the decision mostly because now I'm a SAHM I'm feeling pressure to be seen to be enjoying every second. The truth is I have felt a sense of relief since making the decision just knowing I will be having some of my own time each week. Go for it.

toffeeboffin · 13/01/2015 00:12

Do it! You need a break and a Brew

Sceptimum · 13/01/2015 05:10

Dd was in daycare one morning a week from 3 months so I could play catch up on house/job/personal stuff. It was a sanity saver and I was a better and more fun mum for a short break each week.

YABU. Do it, feel no guilt, and ignore people doing the "oh I couldn't" routine. You're not asking them to, after all.

SidneyCarton · 13/01/2015 07:37

OP, DH is a SAHD and DS was in nursery for two full days a week from age 1! He was a very demanding baby and didn't sleep properly for literally years, and we were both on our knees after I'd been back at work 6 months - the two days at nursery meant we could keep going as I could get full nights' sleep during the week when I was at work, DH got a proper break during the week so could keep going till Friday, and I could take over night duty at weekends. It was still horrible for a while, but it was manageable horrible rather than hand-him-over-for-adoption horrible.

Which is a longwinded way of saying go for it! Your DH is choosing to work 7 days a week, and the knock-on effect of that is that he's choosing that you should work 7 days a week too. If you won't starve, I think it's a completely reasonable thing to do.

Madamecastafiore · 13/01/2015 07:43

My DD goes once s week from 8am till 5pm. I take DS out for breakfast before school, go for a run, do the ironing, meet friends for coffee or just sit on my arse and watch box sets.

It is my day to recharge my batteries and not be constant on demand for someone else. DH is out of the house at 6am and back at 5.30/6.30pm and helps with bsth and bed every night but that's because weare a team that work together to parent our child and don't treat our roles as parents as a competition of who gets what time to themselves or how much one does over the other.

DH has a v stressful job but admits the 2 hours he gets on the train a day and being able to drink s hot cup of coffee and not be yelled at constantly makes his day easier than mine.

Cooki3Monst3r · 13/01/2015 08:04

OP I have two DCs, nearly 5 and nearly 3. I had resolved never to send either of them to nursery / childcare until they were 3yo min. And they haven't.

My 5yo is now home educated because after starting the local primary school she got extreme school-phobia. And my nearly 3yo won't be starting until September.

I have had a handful of days and half days to myself since my first was born. I am with them both basically 24hours a day, 7 days a week. My house is a tip, my paperwork is a mess and I am slowly going mad.

No, you are totally not being unreasonable.

SoddingCupcakes · 14/01/2015 13:03

I'll say it again: Institutionalised childcare for a baby/toddler is NOT in their best interests. One-to-one care is necessary at that age. Why put your little one through that? They won't be this age forever, just ride it out.

NancyRaygun · 14/01/2015 13:10

Well, I actually agree with Cupcakes in general. But for 4 hours, please, surely that won't make a difference.

Neither of mine did childcare/nursery until over 3. But we made a lot of sacrifices not least my sanity to make that viable. Its a personal choice IMO and not something you should have too must angst over.

But it's for you, OP. Its not in the babies interests, its in yours. But that is nothing to feel guilty about. Just own it.