To put 1 year old in nursery for a break

[findingherfeet]

DD (3) goes to nursery one full day and one morning a week.

DS is ten months. After his first birthday i would like him to do one morning (4 hours) to basically give me a break - do paperwork without a baby crying or DD demanding my pen etc

I'm tired, he doesn't sleep well.

I'm not returning to work for probably another year... My DH thinks he's a bit young and as I'm at home....

We have very little family support and are not wealthy but could manage this as DD has just got her 11 hours entitlement.

Am I being a demanding WAG style monster?....

Why not ? If you can afford it 4 hours is nothing really an afternoon really you need want a break do it just because you are at home doesn't mean you need to do all the childcare

Just another to say yes, go for it. I'm at home at the moment and my DD is in nursery for the morning. She does two a week. She really enjoys it (16 months) and I get stuff done/sit and stare. Not everyone has grannies close by and even so, why not?

formerbabe but working 7 days a week is hard work as well. When is he going to catch up on sleep etc? I'm just saying I can understand why the OP DH is against it.

There is nothing wrong with using help if you can afford it. But if the husband is working 7 days to keep the OP at home. Can he really afford it? That's what I'm saying.

Maybe other help would be better like others suggested? How about a cleaner? The gym I went to have a crèche so that would give you me time if you like the gym.

Two terrors, yes working seven days is tough, and doesn't sound like he will have much opportunity to catch up on sleep. But OP's husband might just have a demanding job or his own business which requires long hours, regardless of his wife working or staying at home.
And whether they decide to avail of 4 hours childcare a week is going to make no difference to his work or tiredness. But it will to her. What is the point of both of them being completely exhausted?
If it will keep her sane, she will find it easier to keep the house running and be in better form.
I really don't see the issue as long as they can afford it. It's only four hours, not four days!
It's a different story if the are not really able to afford it.
I know in this situation my DH would be happy for me to have a few hours to myself as he knows how demanding small children are.

I did this. I don't have any family nearby at all, nobody at all, so things like going to the dentist, resealing the kitchen floor, random stuff like that was virtually impossible. He did one 6 hour day a week from age one. He appeared to like it very much - they let them do stuff I just couldn't get my head around at home, like play with big sloppy troughs of baked beans and stuff and I got some stuff done. Go for it.

If we had the money I'd love to put my son into nursery 1 or 2 mornings a week. He's very demanding and I work part time from home, while OH works full time. We're both exhausted and I struggle to get things done. But we just can't afford it.

YANBU, do it! It'll do your son good as well.

Absolutely you should do it. Being away from the children, helps you recharge and be a better parent.

I'd do it! I wish I had done it. I was a SAHM for 2 years with twins, no family around so there was very little respite - but actually I had an easier time than you for a lot of it because at least they napped at the same time, every day. It's very intensive looking after children, specially two, I think a lot of men parents who are not the primary carer don't appreciate how hard it is.

Are the fees going to put more financial pressure on your OH in light of your further comments about him working seven days a week? If so, would an informal childcare exchange on an ad hoc basis with a friend work better? If it's affordable then go for it.

I don't really give a toss whether sahm send their children to nursery, but it does piss me off that it's assumed that those of us who work get lovely long lunch breaks in which we can eat, shop etc. Many of us do not. Shoving a sandwich down whilst working is more like it.

go for it...you have the luxurious choice to take back out if seems upset too...do it.

all you are doing is buing some support that other have in family.

What £ you talking? Here it's about £55 for a full day, so I'm guessing £30?

Four weeks a month? £120.

I very much agree you need some time. Somehow. It's not feasible to never have any kind of break, even if the break is just different tasks. I cannot speak for the £ as that's entirely dependant on your circs.

You need to know what you can afford. And talk together again.

Another thing that worked for me was that there was a CM at a regular baby group we went to. I arranged for her to look after DS for a few hours a week when he was 6 months old. Settling was minimal - because he was very used to her - and also knew the other kids.

I don't really give a toss whether sahm send their children to nursery, but it does piss me off that it's assumed that those of us who work get lovely long lunch breaks in which we can eat, shop etc. Many of us do not. Shoving a sandwich down whilst working is more like it

I absolutely agree with you Bernice - I recently returned to work after being a SAHM for 14 years, I naively looked forward to a browse round the shops at lunch time or a chance to meet a friend for lunch - what a joke, I cannot leave the premises - I am lucky if I can get to the toilet for a couple of minutes .

Sorry, off topic - and please, no one quote me any 'employment laws' about breaks, for many of us at work we just have to accept the situation or leave.

Apologies if it has already been said (haven't read the whole post!) but your dd will get 15 hours free child care a week not 11. That might make a difference on the financial side of the argument. I say totally go for it-but agree as a childminder that you would be better doing 2 sessions during the week as will be better for settling.

Do it,i think people forget the monatony of children.When i worked at least i could talk to another adult or go to the loo in peace.
I did this when my son was 17 months old,the older one went to playschool.I still had the baby but it did give me some peace.

Go for a coffee or get your hair done.And dont mind the begrudgers.

Unfortunately our nursery only offers 11 hours - pays for a full day, something to do with how many weeks a year they are open I think!?

DH is self employed and is setting up a new business so very intense at mo for him, hopefully not for long! He has always worked very hard and would be doing these hours whether or not I was working I suspect. He is building a future for us which should hopefully mean we are financially quite fortunate - not crazy money but not in debt with minimal mortgage etc. we're not 'scraping by' mind.

I'm completely torn, he is only young and it would purely be a luxury for my own sanity! We've had a good day today, my two are good kids to be fair and I enjoy our days a lot...BUT... Sometimes the crying/tantrums all come at once and I get a bit overwhelmed with knowing there's no respite coming! (Ie weekends to share the load)

He's a lovely baby (despite the night wakings!) I think he would settle fine as he's familiar with the nursery and staff already..

DH would not resent me or anything and has said it's ok but he doesn't think it's necessary. He wouldn't be ok however if our son was very upset...fair enough!!

I think I'll wait till his birthday and see how I'm doing! Thank you for helping me think this through (and for on the whole agreeing I'm not wicked for wanting some time out)

Hello OP, and everyone. Have lurked for a few weeks here and love reading the AIBU threads. Feel I must comment (1st one!) as this situation you describe I strongly identify with.

I was a SAHM when my DD was little, and I chose to put her in nursery twice a week, as I simply could not cope with looking after her 7 days in a row. I got to the stage when I felt I didn't want to be a mum at all. I couldn't stand it. So, I organised for her to have the two sessions (weekly)at nursery. She was about 6 months old. My life suddenly was much easier. I was able to keep being a parent, because suddenly my whole life was not consumed by motherhood (something I thought I would love- turns out I didn't- I love my DD, I don't love being a parent nearly as much as I'd imagined I would!).

Had some really judgemental and negative reactions from LOTS of people I know/knew- friends, relatives, the HV, my Dr etc. The reasoning from most of these people was that if I had been working, that would have been different, but the very fact that I wasn't made using a nursery very unreasonable/ greedy/ cruel etc. The Dr and HV were convinced that this would stop me bonding properly with my DD (nonsense), and that I was being very selfish.

I'm so glad I stuck to my guns, despite being criticised from all sides, because the nursery was lovely, my DD loved it, and I was able to enjoy being around her/ being her mum so so so much more when I was able to have breaks from her. My friend put her DS in nursery from quite early on, in order to go back to work, and he loves it and thrives at home and nursery. She had criticism from people too, that it was too early for him to go etc. She is also so glad she did what she did. Everyone is happier.

Good luck with whatever you end up choosing to do. I think you should go for it.

YANBU!! If you can afford it, do it.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and my 15 month old DD has just started doing two afternoons a week in nursery. I'm not going back to work, I'm just panicking about how I'm going to cope with a newborn and an extremely demanding and very active 18 month old so DH agreed (actually, he suggested!!) that we put DD in nursery now to give her time to get used to it before the next one arrives.

I'm currently using my glorious, 10 toddler-free hours a week to sleep, drink coffee, read books and occasionally do some housework. It's brilliant! Of course give it a couple of months and I'll be elbow deep in breast feeds and nappies during that time...

finding rereading your last post I get the feeling you are more worried about him being young? And it's not the money? It's a luxury that you could well afford? Is your DH against it because you can't afford it? Or that he is just against SAHM having children at nursery?

Despite what I have posted about understanding why he might be against it. It's purely financial. Assumjng he's onlt working the hours because he needs to. I work full time and I don't get long lunch breaks. It's a packed lunch at the desk.

I actually have DD1 at nursery 3 full days a week. I'm all for pay help if money permits. Don't feel guilty because he's little or you will miss out. That's non sense.

I mean I'm on maternity leave atm and DD1 is in nursery 3 days a week. It gives me leisurely days at home with DD2 only and do the housework. I saved on the cleaner which we had when I was at work.

Sounds like a good idea. My son is 18m and I'm expecting dc2 soon. I hope to be able to afford to send my son to nursery (reduced hours, maybe 2 morning) the whole time I'm in nursery partly to give myself a break and time to devote myself to baby but mostly because he enjoys it and its good for him. Looking after kids is bloody hard work, you need a break.

The whole time I'm on mat leave I mean