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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put 1 year old in nursery for a break

116 replies

findingherfeet · 12/01/2015 09:57

DD (3) goes to nursery one full day and one morning a week.

DS is ten months. After his first birthday i would like him to do one morning (4 hours) to basically give me a break - do paperwork without a baby crying or DD demanding my pen etc

I'm tired, he doesn't sleep well.

I'm not returning to work for probably another year... My DH thinks he's a bit young and as I'm at home....

We have very little family support and are not wealthy but could manage this as DD has just got her 11 hours entitlement.

Am I being a demanding WAG style monster?....

OP posts:
TiddlesUpATree · 12/01/2015 10:21

Not only is it great for you to have a break and get some non child friendly chores done, it's great for dc to be with other people, both adults and kids, and have a bit of routine. If you can afford it I would definately do it.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 12/01/2015 10:22

Sounds like a wonderful idea. Do it!

MrsMarigold · 12/01/2015 10:24

I have a break from my two for 6 hours a week - it saves my sanity. I think you need personal space and anyone who disagrees should bugger off. I had an au pair but they were still around much better to have them both out the house.

Greylilypad · 12/01/2015 10:25

Definitely not unreasonable. If you don't have family support and you can afford it, then using alternative childcare for 4 hours a week is a great idea. Not having a break from children ever is exhausting and doesn't do anyone any good. If a 4 hour break a week gives you time to get a few jobs done and have a little rest, then you will be more refreshed and have less jobs to do when the DCs are with you. Therefore more quality time with less stressed mum. Everyone benefits.

NotYouNaanBread · 12/01/2015 10:25

God yes. In face YABU not to make it two mornings if you can afford it.

hennybeans · 12/01/2015 10:26

I'm a SAHM and have done the same thing with all 3 DC. Perfectly reasonable if you can afford it. I started mine for two mornings a week at 18m, 12m, and 16months.

And I definitely don't use those mornings for doing paperwork or housework. Sometimes I use my free mornings to get a haircut, go into town to meet a friend, or do the food shopping, but mostly I stay at home and enjoy the quiet while I quilt or sew.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 12/01/2015 10:29

Definitely do it. Or look at gyms with crèches. That can sometimes be cheaper and more flexible.

lk26 · 12/01/2015 10:33

Go for it. I don't work and put my 2 yr in nursery 2 x mornings. Yes it's a luxury but so what. I have a big garden and a house we are doing up. I need the time. Daddy does his thing and now I do mine.
No one else's business but yours !

Ragwort · 12/01/2015 10:37

Agree with lk26 and others, I was a SAHM for many years but my DS went to a childminder/creche at the gym from 6 months once or twice a week and to nursery school/playschool from age 2 (5 monrings then every day from age 3) - we could afford it, it was great for him as an 'only child' and I got a break. Grin I personally needed a break from child care and used a lot of my 'own' time to do voluntary work which meant a lot to me.

Original poster
findingherfeet · 12/01/2015 10:53

Thank you for the quick response it's really made me smile!!

It absolutely was the deal that I'm having a break from my career to stay at home - my choice, I want to be with them while they are so little. I returned after my DD turned one and it was a hard slog, that practically and financially wouldn't work now we have two children.

My DH works his arse of pretty much seven days a week so there's little let up for me. However I am under no illusion that I do more than him, he always gets up early with baby if I'm up in night, makes our breakfast, does bins - little things but they help. And he pays for everything.

I'd only choose the nursery my DD goes to because I like and trust the staff there and he'd be with his big sis!

They will push for 2 mornings but not insist, if it helps him settle I'd choose a morning that I could spend with DD alone, we'd both benefit from that!

Ahhh I don't know, I do seem to have a very easy life compared to many. I don't want to take piss of DH.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 12/01/2015 10:55

Not at all did the same myself.

meglet · 12/01/2015 10:58

yanbu. use the time to get to appointments or the gym.

formerbabe · 12/01/2015 11:02

I did exactly the same op! I had no one to give me a break during the daytime so I put my DC into nursery to give me time to do things like get a haircut, do some chores, go to the bank without dragging a toddler with me etc! I'm lucky in that both my DC loved nursery so I always felt secure in the knowledge it was benefitting all of us. It was quite tough financially but I think it was worth it.

Writerwannabe83 · 12/01/2015 11:02

I would absolutely definitely do it. Plus it will do him good to socialise with other babies!!

I start back at work next week and I'm considering using childcare on one of my days off just so I can have some relaxing me-time.

TiedUpWithString · 12/01/2015 11:03

I would go for a full day as it will achieve 2 aims- one to catch up on some sleep and the other to do all the tasks that are hard when supervised by a baby! But the timing would have to be the same as your DD otherwise it would be fruitless unless you wanted quality DD time.

TwoLittleTerrors · 12/01/2015 11:07

It's entirely reasonable if you can afford it. It's just help like everything else isn't it? Window cleaner, ironing lady, cleaner, gardener etc. if I have lots of money I would hire all the help I can get!

SeasonsEatings · 12/01/2015 11:08

I also say do it, I had to return full time to work and leaving my DD at nursery was awful, she took weeks to settle. In hindsight I wish I had put her in Nursery for a morning a week too.

TwoLittleTerrors · 12/01/2015 11:10

Oh he works 7 days a week to keep you afloat? Well if I'm the one wirking, I would be angry to be for nursery for the 1yo tbh. And I do work full time but on maternity atm. I found it much easier to be at home even with 2. Sorry to have to say that.

TwoLittleTerrors · 12/01/2015 11:10

If he's well paid it's entirely different.

feesh · 12/01/2015 11:12

I put my twins in nursery at 14 months for the same reason. It helped us all to get along better. The only thing I would say, is 1 or 2 mornings a week isn't really enough to help them settle. 3 mornings would be better. If you can do 2 mornings, it's definitely better than one, but space them out across the week so they haven't 'forgotten' nursery by the next session.

Blanketontheground · 12/01/2015 11:12

My mum helped one day with my eldest and I put him in nursery one day. Seriously it saved my sanity. Every third week I would have one child free day. It made me feel human again. It made me a better mum.

gemdrop84 · 12/01/2015 11:12

If you can afford it why not, I've been a sahm and it is knackering! Go for it!

formerbabe · 12/01/2015 11:12

Oh he works 7 days a week to keep you afloat? Well if I'm the one wirking, I would be angry to be for nursery for the 1yo tbh. And I do work full time but on maternity atm. I found it much easier to be at home even with 2. Sorry to have to say that.

I think if he works 7 days a week, it is even more reasonable for the op to use a nursery...otherwise when would she be able to freely attend appointments, catch up on sleep and chores etc?

Quintanimo · 12/01/2015 11:15

You might find it is such a drag to settle DC that its barely worth it.

Why not look into a mothers-help/cleaner.

I had a lady at one point who came for 4 hours every week (more if I asked) - and it was up to me if I asked her to clean or babysit. It was easier than nursery because DC wasn't being left anywhere - I'd just buzz off sometimes.

Weathervain · 12/01/2015 11:18

If it's going to cause bad feeling between you and DH and he is going to resent you for it then I wouldn't do it. After all most 1 year,olds still have a reasonable nap? And paperwork, as in household bills etc can be easily done when the free babysitter cbeebies is on.

If the money paid out for nursery for DS would be used to give both of you a weekend away now and then and so ease the pressure on DHs 7 day working week, I do think it's a piss take.

If the 'paperwork' is your work related, as in keeping updated, and therefore keeping yourself ready to return to work, then it's a reasonable thing to do and I am sure DH would see that.