Tacky wedding poem, how much to give?

[Poppyflowe]

You lot will love this.

Relative, who I haven't seen for years and whose fiancée we've never met has sent a wedding invitation with tacky poem demanding suggesting money instead of a gift. And they got my name wrong (I have kept my maiden name and been married over 25 years).

Even if we don't go (and it will cause some family strife if we don't) my ailing dad expects that we'll send them money.

How much would you send? We're not millionaires, but not short of money either.

Mu judgement is somewhat affected by the fact that I have twice in recent years donated to couples asking for cash and am still waiting for an acknowledgement, let alone a 'thank you' from either couple.

I really dn't think that poems too bad. Bit cheesy maybe but doesn't come across as too grabby (Some of the others on that page though -

I genuinely don't see the problem with saying you would prefer money if someone would like to give a gift. If i get a wedding invite saying this I breathe a sigh of relief- no hassle with choosing and buying the present. And any decent people will appreciate as much or as little as you can give

The last wedding we went to (evening only) we gave £75. With hindsight, I think £50 would have been enough, but we also had petrol and hotel expense. If I wasn't going to the wedding, I'd be disinclined to send anything.

G5 is my favourite, although I had to stop reading after the seventh, before my brain collapsed in a heap.

Actually, the poem is slightly different - they ask for 'money towards a honeymoon' rather than vouchers. So, the line doesn't scan either.

I think a card if we don't go (non-attendance pissing off some of the family but not the b&g who probably won't know us from Adam) and £80 if we do.

That site is amazing:

Love the joy of choosing gifts
and wrapping the chosen captive?
If thoughts elude in this regard...
money is attractive!

Wat?

Not sure why your so offended that someone you haven't seen for years and someone else you've never met got your name wrong.
Give or don't give, go or don't go, it's not compulsory.

Don't go and send them a card with no money in. You haven't seen them for ages so tough shit

I got given £1 in a card as a gift by DH's cousin (who definitely isn't poor)

Guess its my own fault for not believing in wedding lists!

Loving poem G14, rhyming cheese with please (as in "gimme da cash, please")

What about?

An invitation came today
But I'm returning it to sender
My name poppyflowe
Shame you can't remember

I Fucking hate weddings where gifts aren't mentioned. I will always give a gift but if you don't tell me it is a right pain in the arse. Do I buy a present that they probably already have?. Or do I give money which they may find impersonal?

Just tell me.

Agree with everything Bathtime Funkster said.

Not polite to ask for gifts or cash, full stop. Or vouchers. And those poems just add insult to injury.

Crass beyond belief.

They probably didn't want you to come to their wedding, but are being polite. Last names a a nightmare to remember if it wasn't for facebook I wouldn't have a clue about half my friends surname let alone some random relative.

Another one here who thinks it is awful and just 'not the done thing' to mention anything about presents in with an invite. To anything! As someone up-thread said who would put 'my b.day bash is on the X of Y. I don't want anything actual presents thanks, just cash'. Or worse still - 'if you cant make it just send some cash instead'

We didn't mention anything about what to give us on our wedding invites 3 years ago and we got given cash anyway. People just do. They're not stupid. It's obvious if a couple has been shacked up for a few years before they marry (as most are these days) they're not going to need towels and teas spoons, folk will send money. You don't need to ask for it and shouldn't do it, it just looks so grabby.

Lol, I think H2 is very close to what my sister had in her wedding in her wedding invites.

Don't go, send a card. Seriously. If your dad feels that strongly he can give them money, after all, they said you don't need to give a present.

If you are invited to a wedding, and there has been no mention of gifts, and you like to buy something rather than give cash - just ask the B&G what they would like. Or ask one of the sets of parents or something.

Anyone asking someone to donate to the worthy cause of their own pocket is grabby.

The poem asking for money towards a house, for a second wedding, G5. Words fail.

Musing about the Gifts vs Cash thing, I realise that although it's many, many years since my wedding I can still identify some of the wedding gifts I was given and remember who gave them to me. I like to think that the gifts I've given over the years are occasionally thought of in the same way. I doubt that my cheque would be similarly remembered.

I think it is always rude to ask for a gift, including cash. Always. Without exception.

You wait for people to ask what you would like.

It's just (imo of course, not saying it's law ) rude to ask for a gift of any kind.

I so strongly disagree, it must be a weird mn thing. I think it is sensible. I've been so about 50 weddings over the last 10 years about 3 people didn't ask. And my friends and family Spread the social spectrum from uber posh to definately not.

I think you're overreacting, however....

Thank you for the tacky verse
Demanding folding cash
I can think of little worse
Than paying for your bash
Wedding gifts selected
With love and care and thought
A tradition best protected
Mere tat I've never bought
How can I wrap mere money?
And seal it with a bow?
Your ode was hardly funny
And my answer must be no
To send this begging missive
Dear lord have you no shame?
And nothing do I mean to give
When you've loused up my name!

Perfect! Wish I was brave enough to send that