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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help - DS paralytic

136 replies

OneHandFlapping · 10/01/2015 01:22

DH and I have got him home, and to bed. He's been sick, but is now either asleep or comatose in bed on his side, surrounded by plastic and bowls.

DH and I are going to take turns sitting up with him, but what do I need to look out for? Are there other dangers apart from inhaling his own vomit?

OP posts:

FindoGask · 10/01/2015 14:42

Your mum sounds abusive, WrappedInABlankie, and if you think she did the right thing by your brother, I hope to god you don't have any children of your own, nor plan to.

ImBatDog · 10/01/2015 14:44

my dh was locked out by his mum when he'd been out drinking and not got back before curfew... he ended up sleeping in the coal bunker and the milkman nudged him awake the next morning.

FindoGask · 10/01/2015 14:45

And btw, I did read your later post. I have a dad with an alcohol problem too, but I still wouldn't leave a child of mine unconscious outside all night, covered in vomit.

ImBatDog · 10/01/2015 14:45

(and before anyone yells ABUSE, dh is nearly 50, so we're talking 30 years ago... different idea on what was acceptable back then!)

JudgeyHotPants · 10/01/2015 14:53

I did this at 18, but I was on holiday at the time. My mum stayed in the same room with me all night in case I choked, I was horribly sick. I still can't stomach the thought of Sangria even now!

Surely everyone did the same thing at the same age? It's a rite of passage FFS! I rarely drink now, so it hardly turned me into a raging alcoholic either.

EatShitDerek · 10/01/2015 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeaStalks · 10/01/2015 14:59

OP you sound lovely and you did all the right things, including giving the message that you will always be there for him. As usual the MN judgements come thick and fast from those who don't (yet) have 18 year olds.

As you said he's not an experienced drinker and is suitably ashamed this morning. My DS is 19 and has only been drunk once when he was 18 and sampled some communal vodka mix at a party. He was sick in the car.
He was embarrassed and apologetic and has never done it again. It made him quite averse to heavy drinking which timed well with going to uni.

JudgeyHotPants · 10/01/2015 15:03

Some of the comments on here are hysterical though, "get him some AA leaflets"? Surely that person wasn't actually serious?! He's doing what most people do at that age, it's about pushing boundaries and playing at being a grown up.

PeaStalks · 10/01/2015 15:05

Prob a mistake to post on AIBU but OP was after genuine advice in't middle of night and not too much traffic in teenagers at 1am.

Adarajames · 10/01/2015 15:07

I've never Been at the stage of being drunk enough that I'm sick / don't know what happens/ed (my emetophobia probably save me from that and eating disorder!) and never really understood why people would want to be at that stage, but it doesn't mean I won't look out for friends / family who may have done, hell I'd stop in the street (and have done) to ensure a stranger who is dangerously drunk is in recovery position / not seriously injured / called emergency services (and apologised to them for having to land them with someone that drunk!) because it's the basic humane thing to do!!
You handled it brilliantly OP, need more parents like you and less of the judgemental ones!

paperlace · 10/01/2015 15:17

Judgey this thread is yet another case of MN vs Real Life. Don't know anyone in real life who would get their knickers in such a twist over an 18 year old getting puking drunk ONCE!! And no I don't reside in a crack den, nor am I a teenager, nor are my wide circle of friends a bunch of retrobates.

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 10/01/2015 15:22

Just wanted to say well done OP and I hope my son can co e to em for help, I've got 10 or so years before I need to worry but I aim for the same.

Anyone who leaves someone outside when they are very drunk is in the wrong. Pure and simple, if they die you will have to answer for that.

wrappedinablankie you say not to come home drunk etc but the problem is as the evening goes along and you have a few more drinks you might not really "notice" you are getting more and more tipsy, if you are chatting and dancing and having fun and time is slipping away. It's not like "drunk" is just one state and "never drunk" is the other. There's having a couple of drinks, then there's mildly tipsy, then more into giggly mildly drunk, then .... And so on up to paralytic levels. so if he comes home just after a couple of pints is he banned? Or is that ok but only when he's vulnerable and in danger would you ban him? To be attacked, vomit and inhale it, run over,.... Now that's sad.

AmarettoSour · 10/01/2015 15:23

Wrappedinablankie have you had any help to come to terms with the way alcohol has affected your upbringing? It is extremely irresponsible to leave someone in that state outside in a shed all night and worrying that you seem to think your mum was justified in doing this.

OP hope your DS is feeling better now. Most of us have been there and know the feeling! x

Norfolkandchance1234 · 10/01/2015 16:19

OP you sound lovely. This made me laugh out loud when I first read this last night, then I worried for your son and now I'm relieved he is ok.

He is lucky to have great friends and family who will not let him forget this for a while I'm sure

carabos · 10/01/2015 16:23

The worst night of my life by a long stretch was when i got a call at 3am telling me that DS2 was collapsed outside a nightclub. The call came from a stranger on DS' phone. At the same time the landline rang with DH (abroad) beside himself because the same person had left a message on his phone to the same effect.

DS roused himself and wandered off, so cutting a long story short, I had to decide whether to head into town to try to find him myself or try to get help. Police and hospital were absolutely brilliant, totally non-judgemental even though they couldn't locate him, his older brother went out in a taxi to see if he could find him and I remained at home by the phone- not least to calm DH who rang every 10 min.

Three hours later one of DS friends phoned to say they had him in a cab and were on their way home. When he arrived he was covered in sick, had a black eye and torn jeans. He was crying. I immediately put him on the phone to DH who was also crying then got him showered and into bed. He was absolutely fine after a sleep but didn't go out into town for months and nor did he drink again for months. The incident is now known in our house as "the brush with death" .

OP your DS and you as parents have learned a lesson- believe me when I say the anxiety never ends, it just changes. MN hug .

ConceptionZilla · 10/01/2015 17:55

I was brought up in a family where alcohol was banned, once I got my freedom and developed my own identity I started to develop a fairly unhealthy attitude to alcohol (in my 20s). I wish my family had been more like OPs.

kormachameleon · 10/01/2015 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldgrandmama · 10/01/2015 18:53

My son got plastered once, so much so that he went to the loo in a drawer in his bedroom ... and it wasn't weeing, either!
Seems to be a rite of passage. He's now a middle aged, temperate and responsible lawyer.

bottleofbeer · 10/01/2015 18:59

Best of luck to those of you with actual children at the moment and not young adults. I promise that one day said children will come home absolutely arseholed

Yarp · 10/01/2015 19:42

Polka

I don't think you should think you need to learn that lesson. It is not obligatory to get drunk.

I have never taken drugs because, amongst other reasons, I don't need them and I don't want to feel out of control.

I am well past the getting rip roaring drunk and puking stage, and glad of it. It would be great if one incident would put many of us off, but it doesn't seem to work that way.

WrappedInABlankie · 10/01/2015 19:52

I have never said my DC can't drink. As I said up thread if my DC want to drink he can, I will show him what drinking to that extent does to people and to yourself, same with drugs and smoking.

If someone rings me off of his phone stating he's stupidly got so drunk he's laying on the floor unconscious am I going to get him, well I'd phone a ambulance but of course.

Am I going to be all happy in the morning mocking him about what a state he was in last night, whilst tucking him in on the sofa with some toast and a film? Not on hells earth. He will be brought up knowing that this level of drunkness is not normal and not okay. Yes.

Was my mum right locking my idiotic brother out, well her house her rules, he wasn't coming in that night and nothing would of changed it he was brought home by the police and dumped on her doorstep with the instructions of "you need to sort him out before he's arrested". However He never did it again, . Is she a abusive mother? She's a Narc so yes. Whether right or wrong he didn't do it again. Would I do it? I doubt it. Then again it's different I like my son unlike my brother as he is my son.

To the person whom asked if I had had counselling, no that's considered weak in my family, I'd be there all day and wouldn't be able to afford one anyway

To the person who said she hopes I don't have children. I do tough.

WrappedInABlankie · 10/01/2015 19:54

and as I said I don't drink so I don't know what it takes to get drunk, I've never been to a nightclub, dancing etc so wouldn't know how you wouldn't know you're getting so out of control

dementedma · 10/01/2015 19:56

I too think the op did a great job and am glad the boy is fine. But would point out its not an automatic right of passage to come home shitfaced as a teen. I'm one of five and we wouldn't have dared. My two older dcs are now 24 and 21 and have never done it either. I'm quite sure they have been shitfaced with their friends, they just haven't come home like that thankfully.

oldgrandmama · 10/01/2015 20:02

I once had lunch with a guy (just a friend) and got completely wasted on just half the bottle of wine we shared. OK, sounds a lot but I could usually hold my booze (journalist!) but this time, I was horribly upset as my cat had been run over the day before. I couldn't remember anything after the main course, but apparently friend called a taxi to take me home (didn't make sure himself that I got back - classy!) and I woke that night in my own bed, fully dressed but my boots taken off and carefully placed in a corner (not something I'd do, being a bit untidy). I can only assume the taxi driver put me to bed. And no, I'm pretty sure that 'nothing happened', if you get my drift.
Totally mortified and NEVER got like that again. I rather think that alcohol can have varying effects, depending on one's state of mind. I did love that cat.

WrappedInABlankie · 10/01/2015 20:07

Sorry about your cat old

OP I truley hope your DS is okay, you didn't have to much of a fright and you sleep better tonight

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