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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help - DS paralytic

136 replies

OneHandFlapping · 10/01/2015 01:22

DH and I have got him home, and to bed. He's been sick, but is now either asleep or comatose in bed on his side, surrounded by plastic and bowls.

DH and I are going to take turns sitting up with him, but what do I need to look out for? Are there other dangers apart from inhaling his own vomit?

OP posts:
WrappedInABlankie · 10/01/2015 12:15

Don't get that drunk then. There isn't any excuse for it at all. If you want to nearly kill yourself at the expense of a bottle of Smirnoff vodka then you can do it. I'm not going to feel sorry for you. He knew what he was getting into and made that decision thinking people would look after him and let him stay with them. None of his other friends where drunk let alone that drunk. I have no sympathy for people like that.

Maybe I would if I drank but I don't and maybe that's why I can't see the benefits of getting that drunk you risk yourself dying, vomiting and pissing on yourself all in the name of 'fun and good times'

Skatingfastonthinice · 10/01/2015 12:18

'I have no sympathy for people like that.'

I wonder if you'll feel the same about it if it's your own children?
One Catholic friend of mine disapproved of sex outside marriage, let alone pregnancy and any unmarried child of hers that got knocked up, or got a girl pregnant was on their own...
FF twenty-five years and she changed her mind.

WrappedInABlankie · 10/01/2015 12:22

I'll be telling the same to my DC

I don't drink or hang around with people that do drunk so it won't be in the house for one, I will be telling them don't come home drunk, don't get drunk you can't remember what you're doing, don't get drunk to the point of vomiting or pissing on yourself. If they want to do that then they will need to stay with there friends for the night. But I will make sure he knows all about the risk and what it can result in.

I don't have sympathy for anyone whose done this and I've seen my own farther carried off to hospital to have his stomach pumped after trying to drink 5litres of whiskey. No sympathy it's selfish and totally irresponsible

RandomNPC · 10/01/2015 12:22

Blimey, is it Judgemental Saturday or something? He sounds like a good lad, with good friends and a fab mom. Occasionally teenagers do daft things, often involving alcohol. It doesn't mean he's responsible for the breakdown of society as we know it.
OP, the best approach IMHO is to let his sister take the piss, it's good for him!

LongDistanceLove · 10/01/2015 12:26

I came on to see if your ds was ok this morning, and I'm not surprised by some of the comments, it's dangerous to leave a person who is that drunk alone, as there is a possibility of choking on vomit or developing alcohol poisoning. Both life threatening.

Imho you did the right thing, and a talk about knowing your limits so to not get in that kind of state again might be in order. But reading the riot act, locking him out might put him in more danger, especially at this time of year where it's generally colder (I know it's relatively mild right now) is a recipe for disaster.

StrawberryMouse · 10/01/2015 12:37

Hope he's not feeling too wretched this morning and you managed some sleep op.

Blankie I also have a parent who had issues with alcohol when I was young which is an awful thing and does affect you but after going to uni with teenagers who had never been allowed to drink alcohol and were suddenly cut loose from strict parents, well, let's just say I'd rather my dc learned their limits in a safe environment with us around to step in if necessary rather than getting themselves into sticky situations as soon as they were out of my influence.

SoupDragon · 10/01/2015 12:37

I don't have sympathy for anyone whose done this

I have even less sympathy for someone who leaves their child in a scenario where they could die and thinks "Fuck them. Serves them right"

My Eldest is approaching 16. He, his siblings and friends will know that I will always be available if they are in a vulnerable scenario and need bailing out. I am not the sort of person to abandon them and think it serves them right. I find that attitude disgusting and at odds with being a caring parent.

As an aside, I would estimate my alcohol consumption at about two bottles of wine over a year so getting drunk is certainly not normalised here.

SunnyBaudelaire · 10/01/2015 12:41

you sound like a lovely mum OP but you must encourage him to drink less if he is away at uni. It is just so dangerous getting that drunk.
Give him some AA leaflets, not that i am suggesting he is an alkie but it just might scare him if he thinks that you think he is. If that makes sense.

paperlace · 10/01/2015 12:47

Oh bloody hell how holier than thou and out of touch with reality are some people on here?

Every single person I know has been rip roaring/pukey drunk as a youngster.

It's normal, it doesn't make them 'that kind of person'.

Give him AA leaflets?? Seriously!? He got pissed! At 18!!

GlitterBelle · 10/01/2015 12:48

WrappedInABlankie - wow, that's terrible. Your brother could have frozen or choked on his own vomit. How would your mum have felt then? Lesson learnt indeed.

I'm not saying I'd be thrilled if this was a regular thing - but it was his first time, and he's young. The OP handled it brilliantly, and now he'll hopefully know his limits.

WrappedInABlankie · 10/01/2015 12:50

strawberry -

I'm not going to ban them from drinking. As I said I will tell him the effects of drinking especially to that extent has on you and others around you. However if he wants to that's his choice but he will know not to come home that drunk covered in vomit where I'm going to have make sure he's breathing all night, because it's irresponsible.

I don't buy alcohol ever so my alcohol consumption is 0 a year.

As I said If he wants to drink he can I'm not going to ban it but as I said if he wants to get drunk to that point with friends or whom ever else then he'll have to make sure he can stay with friends and not get that drunk and if that's at uni I'm not going to be there to make sure he's breathing anyway.

Whether people agree with what my mother did that's not up to me, she never told him what the effects of drinking would have on him what it could lead to etc and he's not the sharpest tool in the box he was simply told don't get drunk and expect to come home to bed.

I've seen far to many people be hospitalised, stomach pumped, arrested, become violent, covered in there own bodily fluids for me to think getting to that point is "fun" and just take the piss out of them the next morning to teach them a lesson. I do find it selfish and irresponsible but that's what I've grown up with.

trufflesnout · 10/01/2015 12:51

Every single person I know has been rip roaring/pukey drunk as a youngster. It's normal, it doesn't make them 'that kind of person'.

Not doing it is normal too, not everyone gets/got stupidly drunk when they were a teen. That shouldn't be seen as weird, but it is.

I just really hope OP didn't cook him breakfast and clean up after him today after sitting up all night with him checking his breathing and worrying about the likelihood of him choking on his vomit.

WrappedInABlankie · 10/01/2015 12:53

It was In June so highly unlikely for him to freeze to death Hmm as I said he never did it again.

I am in touch with reality, I've seen what it does to yourself and other people it's not normal and it's a sad thing that become paralytic is normal for an 18 year old.

CobbOnn · 10/01/2015 12:53

Sounds like you have a supportive, honest and caring relationship with your son. I want that with my son. Never had it with my parents- didn't think it happened in RL. I'm learning a lot from MN (a lot of it is shit) but most is really heartwarming and encouraging for me in my new role as a mother.

SukieTuesday · 10/01/2015 12:53

Lay off Wrappedinablankie. Having a parent with a serious drinking problem can shape very strong reactions to alcohol and drunkenness.

WrappedInABlankie · 10/01/2015 12:56

Thank you Sukie. It's all part of MN I know that. Smile

Believe it or not out of my parents and to other siblings I'm the only one not to drink as they all do that now, get arrested, smoke, do drugs etc. I fact I was the only one to do my GCSE's and go to college Hmm

Skatingfastonthinice · 10/01/2015 13:28

' Lay off Wrappedinablankie. Having a parent with a serious drinking problem can shape very strong reactions to alcohol and drunkenness.'

The later information that she had an alcoholic father does put her comments in a different light.
I was reading this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a2258397-Calling-an-ambulance-for-excessive-drinking-and-falling-down-the-stairs#51282057 and the opinions differed widely because of past experiences.

Icimoi · 10/01/2015 13:33

Genuine question. I can never understand people saying with relish that they plan to get absolutely bladdered, if they can remember anything the next day they'll have failed. Can anyone explain what is the pleasure in that?

Bogeyface · 10/01/2015 14:16

Re leaving people outside all night or putting them in a cold shower..... PLEASE DONT DO THIS!

Whatever your feelings on alcohol, at least allow houseroom even if its on the bathroom floor with a blanket.

My friend died 18 months ago. He had had a few drinks and was later home that he intended, he wasnt drunk at this point. He had a row with his non too chuffed wife because their dinner was ruined and she told him to sod off and stay at his mates. So he went back to the pub, got bladdered and his mate gave him a key and told him to go and sleep it off.

He had a bath and fell asleep in the water. The water got cold and because the alcohol in his system had already lowered his body temperature, he developed hypothermia and never woke up again. This was in a mild September. It happens.

Bogeyface · 10/01/2015 14:17

Icimoi no idea. I never did this, I knew people that did though and didnt understand it either.

Reekypear · 10/01/2015 14:17

Because kids feel the need to do it, I did it, it made me feel sad.

sashh · 10/01/2015 14:17

However if he wants to that's his choice but he will know not to come home that drunk covered in vomit where I'm going to have make sure he's breathing all night, because it's irresponsible.

Bugger off, are you serious? If you child is in a vulnerable position with possible risks to their health you really want them thinking, "best thing I can do is not go home, I'll sleep on a park bench"?

Yes it's a stupid thing to do (get drunk) but when your child is drunk/drugged it is not the time to be making them more vulnerable, that is an even more stupid thing to do.

As for never drinking enough so you don't remember, for me that's 3 glasses of wine sometimes, yes less than half a bottle and sometimes I don't remember.

dietcokeandwine · 10/01/2015 14:33

I can kind of understand why Wrapped is as black and white in her views as she is (even though I don't agree with her) the light of what she subsequently posted about her father.

It's one thing to have done the 'got pissed as a student' thing and quite another to have constantly put your family through hell via being an alcoholic.

That said , another hypothetical question-in the scenario wrapped described (drunk person banned from house and made to sleep in shed soaked in vomit) would the mother have been liable for manslaughter had they died? Or would it be ruled as death by misadventure?Confused

OP, you sound like a lovely caring mum and your approach with your DC is certainly one I'll be emulating. Glad DS is ok.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 10/01/2015 14:37

I've never drank a lot so have never gone past slightly relaxed - I've never even felt tipsy, because I tense up and panic about losing control. I wish I knew where my limit was, so I could think "oh yes, another glass of wine would be nice, thank you" without getting scared.

So perhaps one night to learn your limit isn't such a bad thing (as long as you don't keep repeating it!). OP did everything right by the sounds of it, so hopefully her DS won't do that again!

ConfusedInBath · 10/01/2015 14:41

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