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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be RAGING over wedding invite?

78 replies

Gangie · 08/01/2015 23:09

Getting married in 5 weeks Grin all good. Husband to be asked to invite his cousin (that I have never even met in 6yrs) and kids. Of which he had 5. I though there was 4 and that too were actually 'children' turns out they are all adults 26plus do charged full adult meal price (â?¬55pp). I should have double checked the ages before he sent the invite but I didn't.

Anyway cousin RDVPS that he his 5 adult children and his 'partner' would be delighted to come. We didn't even know he had a partner. And she certainly was not named in the invite.

Now he had just rang and asked could partners children (14& 16 do again adult prices) come too and husband to be said yes!

Oh my fucking god just worked out it's going to cost �495 just to feed them never mind wine extra canapés & evening buffet....

Is this beyond a joke it AIBU?

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 08/01/2015 23:12

That's weddings!!

YANBU but your husband said yes, so I guess you will have to go with it.

Have a lovely day.

postmanpatsnewyearresolution · 08/01/2015 23:13

I'd be a bit peed off but it's his wedding too. Who is paying?

ProcrastIWillFinishThisLater · 08/01/2015 23:13

That's weddings for you. Well, expensive weddings.

Vinomcstephens · 08/01/2015 23:15

Who are you "raging" with?

I mean, you didn't check the ages of the children and your husband to be said yes to the the partners children so if your AIBU is about being pissed off with yourself then fair enough - it's a hefty additional cost but you really did bring it on between you. If you're narked with the cousin then I don't see what he's done wrong - he assumed his partner was invited (ok she's not on the invite but be fair, if you invite the cousin and his 5 children then it seems mean to not invite the partner), and he DID ask about his partners children to which he was told yes!

So I'm afraid overall I do think you're being unreasonable, but you do have my sympathy to the best part of an unexpected £500....

chillybits · 08/01/2015 23:15

Your DP just has to say no I'm sorry we have already reached the maximum numbers. No big deal. People can't invite themselves to weddings.

We had an awkward situation at our wedding with friends' children and we had to say no to requests.

TwitterWooooo · 08/01/2015 23:16

Tis taking the piss, but since your dh2b has said yes, There isn't anything you can do now. .... Wrong venue address maybe.
Yanbu. Some people are cheeky feckers and you are paying to meet and feed 9 of them. Make sure you send a gift list for somewhere "fuck off" expensive.

brokenhearted55a · 08/01/2015 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorrisZapp · 08/01/2015 23:17

Cousin has a brass neck but your husband did say yes to it all. Oh dear! The more the merrier?

chillybits · 08/01/2015 23:17

Oh sorry reading too fast and missed the bit where your DP had agreed. Still think he can call back and say he's really sorry but he hadn't actually thought about the numbers and actually you've reached capacity.

wowfudge · 08/01/2015 23:17

Brass necks - you can't go back on this, but you must speak with your HTB and make sure he doesn't agree to anyone else coming without discussing with you. Who's paying? It's easy to be magnanimous when you aren't thinking about the cost.

The polite way of declining would be to say you'd love to have them there but you already have the maximum number for the venue.

Chances are you'll have one or two who can't make it nearer the time through illness, etc.

BOFster · 08/01/2015 23:20

The point at which you should have queried it with your fiancé was when he mentioned a cousin you'd never met and he hadn't seen in six years. And certainly before you extended the invitation to his entire family. I presume you aren't made of money?

WooWooOwl · 08/01/2015 23:21

They were cheeky to ask to bring partners kids, but I can't see the issue with the rest of it. This is what happens when you want family white wedding, and it's the reason why you work out the maximum number of people you are going to invite before choosing a venue and the food.

BOFster · 08/01/2015 23:21

But to be sensible, wowfudge has the best face-saving approach.

ViolettaBridgettettette · 08/01/2015 23:21

Well you and DH should have discussed ages and partners. It's just tough really.

Greencurtain · 08/01/2015 23:23

Shitting hell!!!

But isn't your dh to be a bit ditzy having no idea that his cousin's 5 kids are adults?!

It's also bizarre that one adult (dh cousin) is replying on behalf of 5 other adults - surely not all of them will turn up/have actually been asked yet by this man? Your dh cousin didn't even know how old they were - do they know your dh? If someone invited me to a wedding of a relatively distant relative, I'd just not go as it's bizarre!

Bet you'll only get one present if all of these hangers on were on the one invitation!!!

Original poster
Gangie · 08/01/2015 23:27

This partner is on the scene 6 months do I don't think it's fair to assume she would be invited just because his children were.

Re: cost of wedding. €55 is not b expensive in terms of weddings here (Ireland)

Yes I have invited my family - ally aunts & uncles, all of which we see some very regularly and some a few times a year but my OH knows them. Also they would have sent cards/presents when we had our children ect so the here involved in our lives.

I'm pissed off with myself yes, but really with the cousins as I think he has a bloody cheek 1. Inviting the partner 2. Even asking about bringing her kids. He is in his 40,s and will be well aware that the cost per head will be expensive as that is Irish weddings for you.

Confused
OP posts:
theoldtrout01876 · 08/01/2015 23:28

My first wedding was a huge waste of cash big posh do. Same as you, my now very exh has told to invite a cousin,who Id never met and he barely knew. said cousin replied that she would be attending with her 4 adult children. They all attended the wedding and gave us a picture frame between them as a gift. :o

WooWooOwl · 08/01/2015 23:36

It's not cheeky for him to invite the partner. Personally I think it was rude for you not to invite her. If your h2b knows so little of his cousins current life, he should have found out before sending the invite, because inviting a cousins partner is a pretty standard thing to do.

Maybe they were a little bit cheeky to ask about the partners children, but they did only ask so saying no was a valid option that would have been fine to use. And to be fair, they weren't to know that you're spending €55 a head, there are plenty of cheaper weddings that could easily accommodate two extra teenagers without much trouble.

You say that's Irish weddings for you, but I (as a Londoner that has never been to Ireland) was under the impression that Irish weddings were huge family affairs where all distant relatives were invited and they all gave large amounts of cash! Is that not how it works then?

NewToRoo · 08/01/2015 23:44

DH and I agreed that we wouldn't have anyone at our wedding who we couldn't put a name to. That would rule out your cousin's children, partner and her children (probably).

I wouldn't want to go to the wedding of someone I didn't know, why do they even want to come?

chillybits · 08/01/2015 23:50

Some families just love weddings...odd. No-one in my dad's very large family ever refuses an invite, however vague the connection or the number of years it is since they've clapped eyes on the bride and groom.

MissBattleaxe · 08/01/2015 23:57

I don't think you can expect to know everyone at your wedding OP. It's your husband's wedding too and he may have family who haven't met you yet.

If the groom wants them there, he can have them there. It's his day too.

RonaldMcDonald · 09/01/2015 00:00

No 'children' at weddings
As I always say

CalleighDoodle · 09/01/2015 00:03

You should be raging with your husband.

I dont think the cousin should be invited without hisnpartner. Surely its manners to invite adults to weddings with a plus one. It is far more appropriate for the cousin to have been invited with a plus one (his partner), than his adult children!

Original poster
Gangie · 09/01/2015 00:09

My mil didn't even know he had a partner and they live in the same town! How could we have know to invite her? We only got engaged 6mths ago & sent invites out in October and they are only together 6 months????

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 09/01/2015 00:10

It'll be lovely - and remember that it's an extra £300 and not an extra £500. It could have been much much worse.