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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be RAGING over wedding invite?

78 replies

Gangie · 08/01/2015 23:09

Getting married in 5 weeks Grin all good. Husband to be asked to invite his cousin (that I have never even met in 6yrs) and kids. Of which he had 5. I though there was 4 and that too were actually 'children' turns out they are all adults 26plus do charged full adult meal price (â?¬55pp). I should have double checked the ages before he sent the invite but I didn't.

Anyway cousin RDVPS that he his 5 adult children and his 'partner' would be delighted to come. We didn't even know he had a partner. And she certainly was not named in the invite.

Now he had just rang and asked could partners children (14& 16 do again adult prices) come too and husband to be said yes!

Oh my fucking god just worked out it's going to cost �495 just to feed them never mind wine extra canapés & evening buffet....

Is this beyond a joke it AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gangie · 09/01/2015 00:10

Ronaldmcdonald we have 2 children so felt it appropriate to invite other kids.

OP posts:
PurpleSwift · 09/01/2015 00:13

I think Yabu to be mad at his family. It's him you should be mad at, if anyone. Did you ask your dp permission for each of your relatives you wish to invite?

anothernumberone · 09/01/2015 00:23

Gangie, it is my experience of Irish weddings (I am Irish) that the cost is well covered by cash presents hopefully this will happen here too.

Darkandstormynight · 09/01/2015 02:59

Yes, welcome to the world of weddings. I invited my 5 adult cousins and the one dh of one cousin. The rest have assorted, changing live ins that I didn't want to pay for. They all brought their live ins Plus some children too.

I didn't rage. Why? Because that's the way weddings are. If you can't afford the few extra people then have parents only. Or elope. Not worth getting all worked up about it, it happens to everyone. Oh and what did we get as a wedding gift from this crowd? An envelope from 14 people with $45 and change yes, quarters, dimes and nickels in it. For 14 people. We just laughed it...have to laugh or you'll cry!

Chatty987 · 09/01/2015 05:25

It's your wedding and feel free to renege on what DH has agreed similar to what chillybits said above. You can't be expected to cater for his whole big family especially if you've never met them. Just call up, say sorry made mistake on numbers, we need to limit but would be delighted to have you and X there.

MythicalKings · 09/01/2015 06:17

What chatty said but make your DP do it.

ApocalypseThen · 09/01/2015 06:25

Gangie, it is my experience of Irish weddings (I am Irish) that the cost is well covered by cash presents hopefully this will happen here too.

Yeah, it usually is. I had a slightly similar situation, relative of my husband, her new husband and large number of kids all came. Three of the kids are adults, one of whom brought his uninvited girlfriend. Between the lot of them we got a cheap photo frame. I was a bit shocked.

rootypig · 09/01/2015 06:26

YABU to post about a wedding in January. Come back in June please.

Grin Grin Grin

consider this an apt introduction to married life

Silvercatowner · 09/01/2015 06:33

Ach just elope. Weddings are ghastly.

Whocansay · 09/01/2015 07:15

I'd go back with 'I'm really sorry, DHTB made a mistake and we simply don't have room for all of you. The invitation was just for you'.

It's slightly rude, but no moreso than he was.

And if you get hassle from another relative, invite them to pay for the additional guests. That worked a treat for me. I didn't hear a word after that.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 09/01/2015 07:49

Agree with other posters - just phone back and say you have asked the venue but there really isn't any more room.
If you never see them, it won't make an problems long term

paperlace · 09/01/2015 08:03

OP just like no adult is ever allowed to want a card or present on their birthday on MN, no bride is EVER reasonable on Mumsnet ok!???

If you spend more than than tuppence hapenny on your wedding you are OUTRAGEOUS and any invite wording, guest complaint is wrong, wrong, wrong Grin Wink

YANBU - your husband to be is a big wally.

Say no to the extras, say you're so sorry but no room, be wary of silly husband to be from now on.

Have a wonderful day!

youareallbonkers · 09/01/2015 08:25

Surely your fiancé can invite who he likes to his wedding? Or is it only for your family and friends?

Aeroflotgirl · 09/01/2015 08:44

Tbh I would be raging with your dh for having no backbone. They can ask, he should have said no I am sorry the invite is just extended to you and your dp due to cost and numbers.

TheLittleRedHen · 09/01/2015 08:51

To be honest, if I received an invitation from a cousin who I haven't seen in 6 years for myself and my 5 adult children, I'd assume that 1 or even 3 more would not be a problem as you obviously can afford it.

Your rage should be with the lack of communication with your husband not at them having a brass neck.

SuggestmeaUsername · 09/01/2015 09:15

I think it unreasonable for the cousin to ask for an extra two to be added to the list as well as assuming his partner is invited. 6 on an invitation is enough let alone 9. Your husband to be was unreasonable to say yes. The guest list should have been finalised ages ago however and there has obviously been some communication problems between your husband to be and yourself. I can understand your rage but the choice is you just have to accept it or say to your husband to be that he needs to go back to his cousin and say there is not enough room for an extra 3 guests or you cannot afford it. The cousin will then have to sort out with his family who can come and cant come. am sure some of his elder kids or his partners kids would not be that bothered as they have never met you. and if any of them are bothered, its not like you see the cousin often enough for it to be a problem

slanleat · 09/01/2015 09:30

Well, its done now. You are going to have to just suck it up and pay it out.

YANBU to be peed off with your husband to be, or yourself for not checking anything... but if you issue an uninvite now you are going to have your MIL2B or someone phoning you up and crying down the phone about your rudeness.

The cousin must have started his family early to be in his 40's with kids 26plus.......:-)

fluffymouse · 09/01/2015 09:47

It sounds like the only person to be angry with here is your dh. Tell him you don't want him to make anymore decisions about the guest list without consulting you. And stop making assumptions about ages of invitees!

SIMPLESAM · 09/01/2015 10:00

I'm starting to think those people who have their wedding receptions at McDonald's have the right idea.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 09/01/2015 10:02

Doesn't quite beat this: one of DP's friends who he's known for years invited him, myself and dd to her wedding who I've only met once. She sent a Christmas card stating politely as possible that he can't come to the ceremony because she overbooked but could go to the evening reception. At the end of the message she added "you can bring Glitz if you want!" Hmm. It's a 3-4 hour drive away and I'll be 7 1/2 months pregnant so I think I'll sit in the comfort of my home instead :)

Aeroflotgirl · 09/01/2015 10:08

Exactly, SIMPLE or Pizza hut.

Theoldhag · 09/01/2015 10:13

Op just make sure that the wedding gift list that you send them is from Harrods and is ver expensive Grin

OrangesJuicyOranges · 09/01/2015 10:15

This is incredibly rude of his family to invite others, twice. But he said yes so that's the problem rather than their rudeness.

Waitingonasunnyday · 09/01/2015 10:17

You have 5 weeks until the wedding. Plenty of time to invite the troupe round for dinner. Then engineer a massive row and none of them will come to the wedding. That'll save you the cash [genius]

mumof4lovebeinbackatwork · 09/01/2015 10:31

Weddings are a one off extravaganza. whether we can afford a small affair or a larger grand affair many of us have busted out that wedding budget a little with the aim of hoping to create a happy and fun day where everyone shares in our joy. Your husband to be may be overflowing with excitement and showing this through his generous welcoming of extended family to come along and share your special day !
If you hadn't spent extra on your cousin's family it could have been on someone ordering multiple bottles of champagne for their table as we found when examining the bill after our wedding.... You've reminded me why my four kids were not asked to the last two weddings we attended, but I can tell you that it is a lovely gesture by your husband to invite your cousin's children. I feel you are right to make sure expenses can be covered in the budget you have allowed with your savings/loan, but your husband is also right to be equally generous to all cousins in his family

In the years to come you will likely be invited to attend either these relatives or other friends and family's weddings and remember how much you stressed about invitations and managing to cover all expenses, You may even look back with a smile that you ended up having a wonderful time and shared great moments with friends and loved ones at your big happy party that was well worth it all in the end :) congrats and wishing you a wonderful life together Just allow lots of room in the budget for drinks if you have an open bar as we did!!

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