Not to go.

[Tutt]

Long time lurker, short time poster.
My SIL has invited us to her DS 16th birthday meal, fair enough nice and thanks for the invite except it was my DS 18th last year, had a small family party as was his wish to which she/her family were invited, they didn't bother to come, not even a card, nothing. She wasn't busy/ill/didn't forget because she asked my other SIL about it the next day.
This Christmas nothing, not even a card but quite happily excepts cards/money for her 3 children the eldest of which is 27 and a DIL!

As not to drip my SIL has been one of my closest friends since we were tiny, she looked after my son when his nursery shut down, has known him all his life.
I married her brother but son is not his.

AIBU not to go? It isn't the lack of card/gift whatever it was the sheer lack of acknowledgement for my DS and our 40 year friendship, she didn't have to bring anything :(

If you are friends, why didn't you talk to her about it?

YANBU OP. Talk to her about it though. Don't bother with cards/presents for any of them, they obviously aren't interested in them.

Once a child reaches 18 and becomes an adult it is perfectly fine for presents to stop.

No one has to accept an invitation so you can choose to attend or not. Don't ruin 40 years of friendship just for a gift.

Ask her ?

MinceSpy I'd agree (we go by the same in family) but SIL eldest at 27 get brought for and has for 9 years after 28 so if SIL doesn't want to buy once the kids hit 18 then she should say so and it shoudl be the same for all kids.

What's your relationship like with your nephew? It's his birthday meal. If you want to see him on his birthday, and you think he'd want you there then you should go.

Separately though, you should ask her why she didn't come to your son's 18th. There may be a perfectly good reason, and as good friends, this should have been an easy question to ask the next day, but possible more awkward a year on.

clear the air if you can

I did say it has nothing to do with gifts, my choice if I buy for anyone BUT it was the lack of acknowledgement of any description, not even a text to him/me.

I have tried to talk to her, she just brushed it off, said nothing and carried on about talking about her SIL (not mine) that she is having problems with.

I'm not going to ruin a friendship because it is her choice to do/go where she wants.
It is also my choice to be hurt by this, just wanted to know AIBU in my choice.
Thank you.

Don't see that much of nephew as he's always at his Dad's.
See the older nephews a lot more.

I have no air to clear as such, I don't hold grudges but I also can't be fake.
I did say but was brushed off, not for me to keep trying.

I suppose I'll let it go but it was just today with the invite coming that I felt upset, I'll be over it tomorrow and as I have made my choice I'll be fine, our friendship will be fine.