AIBU re: child maintenance and bonus

[maintenancequestion]

Posting on behalf of DP.

DP and his ex agreed he would overpay monthly child maintenance and he would keep his bonus (if he got one). Ex liked this as it was less risky for her and she could plan better. She since found out (through his family) that he got a big bonus and wants a cut of that too. He thinks if she would have gone down the standard CM route and then took a cut of his bonus in the first place then it would have worked out better for her. My suggestion is to pay her the difference and then from now pay her standard child maintenance as calculated online, plus a percentage of any bonus he gets. Question is - what should the %age of the bonus be? We want it to be fair on all parties.

In addition she has said she will go to CSA which we have no issue but will either party have to pay any fee for this service?

If she does go through CSA I assume that when we move in they will automatically tell him to pay less as I have a son who would live with us. (whereas if we did a private arrangement he would likely just pay her the same regardless of living with me and my son.)

Thanks

If you go through csa you will pay an additional twenty per cent on top of whatever you pay in maintenance, the ex will receive four per cent less
There is also a twenty pounds charge to set this arrangement up
This is to encourage people to come to their own amicable agreements

You can check this on the Child Maintenance Options website

I don't expect him to reduce is payments to his kids if he moves in with me under the private arrangement but wondered if the CSA would automatically do that.

At the mo his r'ship with me has no financial impact on anyone as we live separately and pay our own ways entirely. We have a plan to live together at some point in the future but until their old family home is sold the answer is "no" as it's impossible for us to do so.

I'm not going to bankroll her lifestyle choices!

thanks x2boys, so that means at the moment CSA would take 20% of his salary.

And if we lived together I guess they would take 20% of 90% of his salary (although he could voluntarily overpay her this difference.)

do you have a child together

if not it makes no difference how many children you have, as your ex their father is expected to pay maintenance

you could have five children with an ex partner what your new partner is expected to pay in cm has nothing to do with that

Freudian that won't be true when they are living together. There is a CM reduction of the paying parent lives with any children, biologically theirs or not.

but we are talking about those earning a high salary over what the CSA deal with, it they are dealing with it they are going to take a large some of money to do so which of course is pointless I do no think it comes into consideration then, I could be wrong

if you go privately something can be sorted out through solicitors that is fair to all, if it goes through the courts she could ask for more and may get it would you want to be paying for school fees too (maybe already do)

no school fees as yet.
Cross that bridge when we get to it!!

Just such a shame when two people who have parented kids can't agree something together which is fair :(

Looks like they did agree to something that was fair but the mother is just trying to be greedy?

it is I agree but money is very hard to talk about

I think best to get professional advice, as I said the csa may do a calculation but high earners are treated differently through the courts, if you went through the csa a large some would stay with the csa

she could have heard that he has received a much bigger bonus than he has, people gossip, she thinks their children are entitled to some , may be she is greedy, jealous whatever the reasoning we do not know but something has to be sorted out

best to know where you all stand I think not knowing makes everyone far more anxious and this is when it becomes difficult

yeah - I think she just feels she missed out (tbh I can understand that!)

The CSA will take the bonus into account as it will be part of his p60 for income tax purposes. It might not be part of his salary as such but it is part of his income and it is income that he will be assessed on not just salary.

Op I cant believe his family told his ex wife about his bonus. I hope in future that he keeps his bonus to himself.

for our part my DH earns over the CSA limit, I think £100k per year on his basic, so with a bonus he does not give in maintenance.

Likewise when he has had periods on a reduced basic, he has not decreased his maintenance although legally could have done so.

lasvegas
yes, £3K per week is all the CMS can deal with. So I guess that means anything over that amount it would be up to DP what he would give his Ex?

I think he would be likely to put an appropriate amount from his bonus into kids trust funds or suchlike rather than give it to Ex unless forced to.

Yes re: family telling ex wife. He was gutted. He didn't brag but his sis asked if going away in school hols at last minute was expensive and he said "yes, but I got a good bonus so want to take the kids away". His sis told another relative (in a proud sis way) and said relative told ex w (they are still close.)

lasvegas hope you don't mind me asking but is yours a family based arrangement or CMS?/CSA?

So you dont even live together but you are involved in how his bonus is spent and his CSA payments? Sounds quite money grabbing to me. As they are not yet divorced they need to secure a financial settlement between themselves (with relevant legal advise). If I was you I would step right back from this.

To be honest I don't think he owes any of his bonus to his ex. They agreed on a format she was happy with and thought would most benefit her the kids.

He has used his bonus for the kids benefit by booking them a holiday they wouldn't have otherwise had with him, his ex doesn't need to receive money on top of this for them.

I would be telling her that she wouldn't be getting extra for the above reason but if she would like to change the terms of their agreement from this point on so she receives less each month but receives x% of a future bonus (although bonus isn't guaranteed) then that's fine.

As they are not divorced yet wont she just get half of all assets including tis bonus anyway?

samba - do you mean I am money grabbing?

I'm not involved in how his bonus is spent... We all wanted to go on holiday, finances were more uncertain with him, he got a bonus and took the kids. I paid for me and DS and will continue to do so on future holidays.

Yes I am involved in discussing his CSA payments, why? because we are planning to spend our lives together and we are discussing a big issue in his life at the moment which happens to be the fact his ex is being somewhat tricky. If it was a work issue we would discuss it so why not this?

I earn more than him so definitely don't need his cash. I just don't like women who plead poverty whilst also making lifestyle choices which the ex-husband is the expected to support.

I am all for dad's supporting their kids, as my ex h does with DS. I am just not keen on Dad's being guilt-tripped and rinsed by manipulative exes

You say that YOU will be involved:

no school fees as yet.
Cross that bridge when we get to it!!

Not much we about deciding how he and his wife (to be ex?) chose to educate their children. You need to step back and leave them too it.

She doesn't sound tricky. They need to get a proper legal settlement. At the moment they are married and so assets are joint.

They can afford legal advice- they should get some.

If she goes through the CSA they don't take your income into account [they used to ask a partner's income to show that the parent couldn't claim to be paying all of the mortgage to reduce maintenance responsibility].

Be aware if she goes to court or has a consent order in place she can go to the CSA/CMS one year and one day after if she believes she would get more through them

So ex wants to have her cake and eat it? Likes the reliability of an increased regular payment to take into account potential bonus and then wants a cut of it on top? She's the money grabber.

And if op's partner wishes to treat his xhkd from his bonus that is his choice and an entirely separate matter.

Child not xhkd

samba.... Yes WE will cross the bridge of what to do re education. I'd be really hacked off if someone I lived with turned round and said "darling, you'll be paying for all the holidays and meals out now as me and ex w are educating DC's privately so all my spare cash will be going there"

I would expect... "Ex W and I both want to have DCs privately educated so would like to have a conversation about how this will affect our lifestyle darling"

If she goes through the CSA they don't take your income into account [they used to ask a partner's income to show that the parent couldn't claim to be paying all of the mortgage to reduce maintenance responsibility].
on their website they don't appear to take anything else into account, otherwise plenty of people would just run up huge debts, take out a nig mortgage on a big house and claim that they had no money left. it would essentially legalise a way to dodgy paying for your kids.
There are stories of men who are paying through the CSA when they can't afford to being left cold/hungry/homeless etc.

Not much we about deciding how he and his wife (to be ex?) chose to educate their children. You need to step back and leave them too it. if she's involved with him, then he and her are a we. I know it can feel horrible to think that ExP and OW or OM are busy deciding how you should spend your money, but they are a family now.

How the ex money grabbing?!
Bonus is still part of his earnings, it's just variable.
So she preferred regular increased payments that he offered - fine.
But surely the obvious thing to do (and without prompting!) is to work out the % of bonus she was due, deduct advance payments, and give her the difference?

I speak with no axe to grind - if I went to CMS I'd get £400 a month which I voluntarily do not, because I prefer that XH kept family home for child's stability and he would struggle to pay mortgage alone and that maintenance.

So I'm not advocator of going after every penny.
But the agreement is x% of earnings, bonus is earnings.
Hiding that money from her is pretty shabby, I think.