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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu in wanting financial assistance with childcare?

83 replies

judgejudithjudy · 06/01/2015 21:28

I have a 2 year old and serve disabilities which mean I have 3/4 hospital appointments a week so have to put lo in a childminders. I only receive £22.50 a week dla & my child costs are double this.

If I don't go to my appointments, I will never get well but struggling to pay for her to be cares for.

I have no family & my few friends work.

How do the dla expect you to live?

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 10/01/2015 16:11

Are you not eligible for free patient transport for your hospital appointments? My dad has severe mobility problems due to arthritis and gets an ambulance or a patient transport car for all his out-patient appointments. I don't think you should be paying for a taxi if you have a medical need for assistance with transport.

MinceSpy · 10/01/2015 16:13

OP have you investigated any of the suggestions made earlier in the week. Seeing your GP once a week seems a bit over the top, could they make it once a month or every other week.

Have a look at the following link, you may be able to claim extra financial support; www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx?gclid=CK_Owq7oicMCFfMZtAodbkYAcg

You need specialist bespoke advice as the advisor needs to know things like if there is a personal injury claim pending.

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 10/01/2015 16:16

You should be able to get childcare tax credits if your husbands income is not very high. As you have a disability and are getting DLA you do not need to both be working in order to qualify for childcare tax credits. It will help with up to 70% of your childcare costs.

DurhamDurham · 10/01/2015 16:19

I agree that you need support with regards to childcare.
However this isn't anything to do with your level of DLA.
DLA is not financially assessed, it doesn't matter how much or little you income you have, it's assessed on the help you need with regards to physically getting around and meeting your care needs.

I do hope you get some good advice with regards to funding for childcare but I don't think DLA is the problem here.

Good luck, hope things improve for you Thanks

TheFairyCaravan · 10/01/2015 16:21

DLA is for the extra costs associated with having a disability, not for childcare.

I have been disabled all DS2's (18) life, I have had 6weeks childcare paid for by the RAF Benevolent fund because DH had to be at work those weeks and I wasn't allowed to call on him. The rest of the time the kids have had to be dragged all over the country, sometimes they've had time off school, so I could get to medical appointments.

No-one is given a car, and you're not going to get any sympathy from me with that attitude. Surely from your own experience you can see that DLA is not easy to get!

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 10/01/2015 16:26

Annoys me when I see people I know are really not entitled getting given cars. Especially when I watch them muck out & ride. Back problems my arse.

That isn't really a fair comment. I do feel for you in your situation but motability cars are not just handed out like sweeties at a children's party. People who have motability cars have met the strict criteria for mobility issues and pay for the cars using their mobility allowance. A person might be able to ride a bike and muck out horses and still be eligible for mobility allowance because they might have issues that you are not aware of. The criteria for mobility allowance was made much stricter in the last few years and for walking issues you have to be unable to walk 50 metres in order to get the higher rate which isn't easy to fake. There are other non walking issues that can enable people to have higher rate mobility allowance and the people that you refer to might fall into that category.

Lifesalemon · 10/01/2015 16:33

I'm really sorry to hear you are struggling. You really do need to get some advice from somewhere, citizens advice, your GP maybe or do you have social worker to fight your corner. Providing Carers and home adaptations are not usually anything to do with DLA although I understand that you may need to be on a higher rate to automatically qualify for a DFG or a continuing care assessment. If you have a level of paralysis though surely you must be entitled to more help from somewhere.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 10/01/2015 16:34

For those saying take the child with her, she may not be well enough to do that.

I found it impossible to transport a young child, entertain, carry them and keep him happy, safe, fed and watered etc.

I haven't been to any Physio / hydro/ pain management or therapy appointments for years although that will be key to helping me not deteriorate further.

Children aren't allowed on hosp transport and the only way I can travel is flat. Add to that the current stumbling block that there is no provision to allow me to wait for the transport lying down (can be waiting 6+ hours, I can sit for a couple of minutes at a time), or wait for the appointment lying flat either, or even to guarantee transport will arrive on time for the appointment (could come at any time during the day, hours before or after, or perhaps not at all). Then add on all the hours of childcare which are needed to allow that transport system to operate imperfectly... Plus the days either side spent preparing or recovering from the trip, and then the potential for weeks not able to do anything if one thing goes wrong and leaves me with an injury (which clearly happens each time, as health isn't the organising force or priority in that system)...

It's incredibly distressing to have these things put out of your reach, I feel for you OP.

You need to appeal dla/ pip, and try and get your adult social services team to help too.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 10/01/2015 16:35

Can't you use the child's child benefit of you don't want to take them with you?

Not sure why the DLA payment is to blame, its not there to cover the cost of people having children.

Original poster
judgejudithjudy · 10/01/2015 18:24

There is no way I can drag my 20 month old lo to my appointments. There is no way I could carry & fit the car seat & buggy.

Also, I see my gp weekly because I'm on strong restricted medication & have my blood pressure ect tested before the next lot are prescribed.

I know perfectly well of two people who have exgarated their symptoms to get the cars & higher dla. This upsets me because I'm in desperate need. Looking into wftc.

Thanks for all the advice, will get my oh to look into all this as still suffering short term memory loss.

OP posts:
concretekitten · 10/01/2015 18:30

Speak to your health visitor, they can refer you for the the free childcare for 2 year olds.

Also speak to Home Start, I don't think they will help you with childcare but they can offer support and may be able to help by attending appointments with you so you don't have to put your LO in childcare.

I hope you make a speedy recovery Flowers

Lifesalemon · 10/01/2015 18:38

There's a difference between exaggerating your symtoms and giving examples of worst case scenarios. Maybe the people you know are having a good day when you see them but spend other days in bed in agony. You seem to have a lot of bitterness directed at others but wether they have lied to get their help or not it won't make any difference to the help you receive. It may seem unfair but feeling like that is helping no one. Try to channel your energy into how you can improve your own situation instead. Good luck.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 10/01/2015 18:45

OP, your attitude towards other people claiming DLA, or PIP as it is actually isn't doing you any favours and as someone with back problems and PIP, I'm not actually that inclined to give you any advice after that.

For the people wondering what it's got to do with DLA, if it needs explaining to you , DLA/pip is in theory meant to cover the additional costs of having a disability. Frequent hospital vists would come under that umbrella, she wouldn't need childcare if she didn't have the visits!

Having lost my job due to my disability, the maximum pip of £138 wouldn't come anywhere near the costs I incur and the loss of income. And if my DH ends up having to leave work to care for me, his carers allowance would be £68 a week. £68. Yes there's housing benefit and tax credits etc and I'm grateful for what we DO get but people severly underestimate the financial damage disability brings.

Cherrypi · 10/01/2015 18:56

Ah 20 month old. You won't get childcare funding till September then unfortunately.

notonyourninny · 10/01/2015 18:59

You need to speak to hv about free childcare hours for dd. I'd be surprised if you don't get them. Sorry at the hand you've been dealt.Flowers

notonyourninny · 10/01/2015 19:01

Oh dd is under 2. I'd apply now though.

concretekitten · 10/01/2015 19:05

Sorry the opening post said she was 2 which is why I thought she could get referred for the free child care.
However, I think if you're referred by a health visitor it can begin from once the child is 2 rather than having to wait until the new term. I may be wrong, but definitely worth speaking to the health visitor to get the ball rolling as I'm sure the referral will take some time.

Inthedarkaboutfashion · 10/01/2015 19:16

his carers allowance would be £68 a week.

Actually carers allowance is only £61 per week. It's a pittance and doesn't even give entitlement to free dental treatment or prescriptions like some other benefits.

I'm one of those people who drives a motability car (for a DC with a complex disability). OP probably thinks I shouldn't have the car because my DC can walk. What she wouldn't see from her biased stance is that my child cannot even walk to the end of our driveway safely on his own. He couldn't travel on a bus or train even with assistance and even the Local authority funded school taxi service with 1:1 travel assistant couldn't manage to get my child to school safely as they tried and failed. But hey she might see my child going cycling on an adapted bike (on an indoor safe track) and decide that we are fraudsters because my child has a reasonable level of physical mobility.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 10/01/2015 19:28

Inthedark, bitter laugh about me overstating the amount of CA to £68!

Isn't it shit to be judged by a disabled person, I don't know why that has upset me so much.

Lifesalemon · 10/01/2015 19:28

for those wondering what it's got to do with DLA
I can see what you are saying in a way but then again, Yes its meant to cover the extra cost of a disability but it is awarded depending on the level of disability you have regardless of how many children you have etc. thats like saying that someone with a low level disability and small children should get more then someone paralysed with no children just because a hospital appointment costs them extra in childcare.
That is why I don't think it is the DLAs fault. If the OP isn't getting enough money to cover her expenses because she only has a low level disability then she needs to look for extra help from elsewhere not expect the DLA to pay her more money if she isn't entitled to it.
Hope that makes sense.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 10/01/2015 19:31

Lifesalemon, any ideas on where she should look "elsewhere" for this extra help?

ilovechristmas1 · 10/01/2015 19:32

as i said before op. are you not entitled to contribution ESA as you stated you had worked for the last 22yrs ????

Lifesalemon · 10/01/2015 19:33

Plenty of ideas upthread regarding childcare, tax credits etc.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 10/01/2015 19:37

"thats like saying that someone with a low level disability and small children should get more then someone paralysed with no children just because a hospital appointment costs them extra in childcare."

I'm not saying that at all. People were saying they didn't know why OP was linking her situation to DLA, I am saying the hospital visits are due to her disability, the reason why she is in receipt of DLA. DLA/pip is paid exactly for this type of situation but unfortunately it doesn't cover the expenses. Not an uncommon scenario sadly and much more common than the stereotypical scrounger with the big free car.

SilverStars · 10/01/2015 19:42

Agree with previous posters that there is more support out there than DLA. Definitely contact:
children's centre
health Visitor
Home Start
Adult Social Care
Between those 4 practical support is available.

Agree you cannot take child to psychology or physio etc.

However DLA will not fund support for child or free place at childcare but adult social care could, even before 20 months. They can offer respite care if needed etc, so wor getting your dh to contact them and ask for urgent assessment.