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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send my fussy eater DS in for free school meals.

97 replies

Electriclaundryland · 05/01/2015 10:23

He is crying and protesting. He's only got two terms that they'll be free for and I want to make the most of it. He wants sandwiches instead like he usually has.

I should add he has a medical condition that means he really does need good nutrition. I was hoping it would help him broaden his dietary horizons a bit. He's dreading it so much that I feel like a bastard.

OP posts:

waitingfor3 · 05/01/2015 11:57

Definitely either way. DD1 has learned fussiness at school (seeing her friends hate various veg). The last school they were in though did have an extreme selective eater so they gave him incentives. It might be worth a chat. I know one girl who is packed lunch as she lost weight with school dinners. I know a boy fussy with parents and not at school. Peer pressure is two edged.

GallicShrug · 05/01/2015 12:00

I love the sound of MrsTawdry's school cook :) Is this worth a try, Electric?

Minisoksmakehardwork · 05/01/2015 12:03

Give it a go. You've nothing to lose if you'd be doing sandwiches anyway. Maybe get a copy of the menu and start with the days he's most likely to eat the food.

My ds1 is a fussy eater too. He's still difficult at home over some things but peer meals have helped an awful lot.

I explained the situation to school, and that I was happy for him to not eat a full meal as long as he ate something. I think for the first term he ate mostly bread, raisins and raw carrot from the salad bar. But he didn't come home complaining he was hungry.

Now he will try and eat some of the main meal. Always Friday's fish and chips, he eats some of the chicken and beef burger meals (mash and veg on side), or opts for the veggie pizza (margarita). Roast dinner days he eats all the vegetables and some of the meat. He always has fruit and sometimes the other pudding on offer. He is always the last child eating. But he's like that at home too and even the staff have commented on how much better he has got since starting.

It helps him that he knows what meal is coming as we've a menu at home and it works on a 3 week cycle.

checkeredpresent · 05/01/2015 12:06

Reading this thread with interest but struggling to get my head around it to be honest. I am about to move back to UK with school-aged dcs after 12 years living overseas. Have I understood correctly - my dcs will get a free school lunch??? And some parents are opting out of this because their kids are choosy about what they eat?! Wow. I live in a country where many cannot afford to send their dcs to school because they cannot afford the uniform and books. Head exploding a little

jellybeans · 05/01/2015 12:06

My child is fussy as he had extreme reflux (hospitalised several times, it almost killed him) so he had feeding aversions and only ate solid foods at over two years old.
it isn't simply poor parenting.

He has packed lunch. It is a hassle but he wouldn't eat anything and all my older ones (who aren't fussy) had a choice.

hazeyjane · 05/01/2015 12:09

checkered - free school meals are available to all at infants age (yr r - yr2). Some people might not want the meal because their children are fussy and won't eat it (leaving them hungry and food wasted) and some because they feel happier providing a packed lunch which they can make maybe more nutritious, or because they have a big family meal after school - it's really nothing to let your head explode over!

Italiangreyhound · 05/01/2015 12:10

Oh I should say I would never make my son eat veg, I usually just encourage, I give the tomatoes names and say 'Do not eat Tom the Tomato!' and he does! I put out grapes etc after dinner or blueberries so easy finger food fruit is accessible.

I just know that if food becomes an issue it is much harder to deal with but obviously if any child is not getting enough nutrients I would seek professional help.

This site looks a bit interesting but it is all pretty obvious.

www.parenting.com/article/7-ways-to-end-picky-eating

FaFoutis · 05/01/2015 12:11

'choosy' is not the way I would put it checkered. Read the post under yours, for example.

checkeredpresent · 05/01/2015 12:11

Well, I guess so....just a little amazed at the idea of turning down something free. My kids will be told that's what they are having!

fluffyraggies · 05/01/2015 12:13

OP you've had good advice, try it and see, but write nothing in stone.

My mum decided to switch me from packed lunch to school meals in primary school (late 1970s). I was distraught, and my anxiety about it ended up so bad that i would spend the every school day in tears, starting at register time. I can picture me now. I was so stressed that after a few weeks the head teacher ended up calling my mum into a meeting with my teacher etc.

I kept saying i didn't want school dinners, and no one could work out what the big deal with eating school dinners was and even i cant really explain it now! I do remember that i had been perfectly happy with my packed lunches and hated the school hall full of kids eating. The smell and the sight of it all made me heave. I couldn't articulate this though - and they pressed on. Even trying to make me eat the hot meal in the head-teachers office! Oh the horror.

Long story short I stopped eating altogether and ended up having to have special permission to go home for lunch or i would have wasted away. Long bloody walk there and back but at least i was eating again.

Never had any problems with food once in secondary school or as an adult.

I'm sure you won't face this problem with your DS, OP it's just that sometimes kids aren't logical when it comes to food.

Pifflepants · 05/01/2015 12:14

Checkeredpresent school dinners are free to the end of Y2, when children are 7.

Different schools implement this in different ways. Ours are very carb heavy (literally pizza with pasta and bread, with biscuit for pudding) so we sometimes send packed lunches so they will eat a more balanced meal. Precious, first world issue - absolutely!

hazeyjane · 05/01/2015 12:16

My kids will be told that's what they are having!

Well done you. However you have no idea whatsoever about the circumstances of other families.

Viviennemary · 05/01/2015 12:16

I used to think that kids were fussy eaters because parents pandered to them. Till DS was the fussiest eater ever. Wouldn't eat this wouldn't eat that. But I think you should give the school meals a go since they are free.

hazeyjane · 05/01/2015 12:18

I know a lot of parents at dds school who send in home cooked stuff as the school food seems to be pretty stodgy (different supplier to ds's school). Also if your child has an allergy (dd1 is allergic to wheat), then you get pretty much the same thing every day (jacket potato, beans and a flapjack or yoghurt).

whatever5 · 05/01/2015 12:22

checkeredpresent If the child doesn't eat the food (for whatever reason) the fact that it is free is irrelevant surely?

DarylDixonsDarlin · 05/01/2015 12:26

And anyway its not 'free' really is it - the money to provide the meals has been found by the government following other cuts to services. Its a political stunt, made to make whoever is in power after this years general election look like the big bad wolf when they take away the little children's dinners (who took away the school milk? Its still being mentioned nearly 25 years later lol)

We still wouldn't use the meals every day even if they were for 8yo as well, DS prefers not to eat some of the food they serve up at school and I don't blame him!

checkeredpresent · 05/01/2015 12:30

Not well done me at all. Jut saying what I will do when we return. Actually very similar to where my dcs go to school now except here we pay fees. This includes a lunch and packed lunches are not allowed. The children have to eat what is provided....and they all do because there is no choice I suppose.

whatever5 · 05/01/2015 12:37

checkeredpresent you don't know that the children are all eating what is provided. Some of them probably aren't eating anything for lunch. I didn't when I was at primary school and I certainly wasn't the only one.

checkeredpresent · 05/01/2015 12:42

I suppose, although my youngest is eating when the parents are waiting to pick up and we all have to wait while they finish munching on everything - honestly! It's kind of a buffet lunch so they just help themselves - everyone eats something.

Hoppinggreen · 05/01/2015 12:44

Loving the totally fucking clueless posts from people who don't have a child with food issues ( as usual)
My DS has the free meals but even if they had been free for his sister ( now year5) she wouldn't have.
I was persuaded to give school meals a try for her in Reception against my better judgement.
On day 1 she ate nothing, day 2 a small bite of sausage, day 3 nothing, day 4 nothing and day 5 a piece of cucumber. Maybe she just wasn't hungry???
She was also very distressed at being " encouraged" to eat and didn't want to go to school. We switched to packed lunches, I know that she's eaten and she has loved school ever since.
You can try OP but if your child won't eat them don't think that peer pressure will necessarily work.

whatever5 · 05/01/2015 12:47

I also found it very distressing to be forced encouraged to eat the disgusting food.

SquirrelSwarm · 05/01/2015 12:49

OP - I'd miss out on the big snack. You will have to risk her going a bit hungry for a few hours to judge whether she is just 'ordinary fussy' or she has some anxiety about the emails.
I would go through the menu and select two meals a week to start with.
My kids' school kitchen was out of use for a couple of years so they both started on packed meals. One child fussy, the other with some genuine sensory needs (Autistic - but not diagnosed at infants level). I moved them onto full school meals gradually over a couple of years. Now they know there is no choice and they eat them.
The child with autism has some food issues and has separate meals cooked for him that are safe for him to eat. Tbh I couldn't give a monkey's if he has baked potato and beans three times a week. I'd still rather that than a sandwich. Which was the same every day for two years before the hot meals came in ...

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/01/2015 12:58

Well, I guess so....just a little amazed at the idea of turning down something free. My kids will be told that's what they are having

just because it's free doesn't mean it's best for the child.

school meals in many areas are of questionable quality and forcing a kid to eat food not fit for a dog just because it's free is bloody cruel Imo.

before you decide go in and have a look at them. Make sure you are happy with what's being g provided. It could help or it could make it worse.

dont use the fact it's free to decide.

NotCitrus · 05/01/2015 13:05

Ds is terrified of most food (big issues, referred to consultants) but he is on school meals because if he is going to eat something slightly different to his staples, it will happen at lunchtime with his friends distracting him when there is the same meal every 3 weeks and same items most days. After after-school club or just school, he's tired and a bit emotional and it means I can just give him his standard meal.

It's taken most of a year, but reports are that he usually eats not only bread but generally the carbs, some meat items, and usually some pudding, which is great by his standards. He's even touching some fruit and veg.

If he'd been hugely upset by meals, I might reconsider, but apparently he's usually polite about just not eating.

SunshineAndShadows · 05/01/2015 13:06

It is interesting that some children will happily eat at school but are fussy at home - that goes seen to imply learned fussiness because they think they can get away with it rather than. A true dislike of foods.

However all of use experience taste in different ways. Some people are genetically more sensitive to some tastes and are known as 'supertasters'. These people (or children) often cannot tolerate strong tastes which explains why string vegetables like sprouts are so divisive -super tasters hate them, less sensiitive tasters often like them.
It's a genetic difference en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supertaster

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