To not get how to take this "gift"

[Kab13]

Dh decided to book me in to have my nails, hair and makeup done. Lovely (bar me not being bothered enough to spend the whole day having it all done but hey thought was there).
I had to pay for it all. He just booked it.
I know he has the money to pay, he just... Didn't.
Does this count as a gift? Or just giving me the chance to spend my own money?
It confused me somewhat.
Aibu to say something to him (probably really not worth it) I just don't want this urrrr gift again (at the risk of sounding ungrateful)

Are you sure that the husband didn't pay? What if the salon took payment twice, by accident?

It's unlikely that all 3 salons accidentally charged us twice.
And surely when I mentioned about me paying if he thought he had he would have said...

I'd say something, perhaps that you are confused, because while it was nice for him to hae DD for the day, it wasn't a gift or 'treat' because you had to pay, and it wasn't 'free time' because he dictated what you would do and how you would spend your money. That you're not cross, just really confused why he did it. And see what he says.

If it's "I thought you'd enjoy it" say "did you not think I could make my own appointments?" because this isn't a gift. It's not a treat, it's not day off. It's really odd.

Eh? That is bizarre!
Maybe you should tell him it was nice to book you in for lovely treatments but that it was a bit embarrassing being charged at the end, given that it was a 'gift' and so had assumed he'd paid already!
Haven't read the thread BUT you should definitely say something in case there has been some kind of misunderstanding or oversight and he did actually pay? Otherwise, it does seem odd, no? It's not like you said, 'Hey, I haven't got time right now, any chance of calling the salon for me to have them book me in for A, B and C?'
If he just didn't bother to pay, then he should surely reimburse you as it was a gift?

It must be an error. Why would he bother going to the trouble and embarrassment of making three appointments at different salons, like a PA, unless he'd paid for the things? It just doesn't make sense, and not asking him about it is the strangest way to react

What a fucking nerve!

YY, I'd go with a revenge gift. Book him 3 personal training sessions - in 3 different places - and leave him to pay them!

Also, next time you see something he'd like, send him the link instead of buying it. His rules ... !

OK, MaryW's recommendation's far more grown up than mine.

If you have to pay for it yourself then it's not a gift. It's basically him saying "I think you need to get your hair done" which is not the same thing and I'd be a bit insulted. I strongly suspect it's thoughtless rather than malicious but i'd still mention it. Rather than start a row I'd just say that I was a bit surprised when the salon charged me for my treatments as I had thought, since it was a gift, that it would already have been taken care of and see what he says.

I think I'd have rung after the first appointment and asked him wtf was going on?!

Oh, sorry, didn't catch that bit. I am just amazed that anyone would do this. It's beyond cheeky.

I'd sit down and explain how it's not a good present, don't care how awkward it is you don't want that happening again.

Is he usually quite dense ?

I agree with Mary's suggestion.

That's really odd to book appointments for a treat and then not pay.

Then I'd ask him to transfer the funds as you're not paying for your own birthday gift.

If he doesn't get it book him the wax and across town a hair appointment, then back again for personal shopping experience.......don't pay for any of it

Everybody on this thread is having flowers from me!!!

Please go buy them and report back.

He isn't usually this stupid.
Honestly.
He is one of the major thoughtful people I've ever met. But this is very random!
Lots of very good suggestions for a "thank you" or to "return the favour".
Maybe it was odd for me not to say anything, I was a tad overwhelmed!

Major? most

Do what Mary suggested. Otherwise you will stay offended and pissed off with him, and he won't get a chance to explain why he did it and that he does still think you look nice without makeup!

I can see if all his salary is earmarked for the bills he doesn't have the disposable cash to pay, but I still think the likely explanation is that he expected you to enjoy the pampering in a kind of generic "that's what women want" kind of way, and he thought giving you time away would be a treat. You need to explain why you feel hurt and annoyed instead of relaxed and pampered.

I'd hate that as a gift and think what a waste of his money when he could have got me something I'd like. But having to pay for it myself? I'd ask him for the money.

Can we add "pampering" to the thread of words that should be banned?

I don't understand this sort of mystery threads.
Do you not talk to your dh? I would have asked him straight if he had paid or not.
Or actually i would have told him that he didnt need to book me an appoitment because I DECIDE when/if i do my nails or make up

Book him a dentist appoitment on his birthday.

pampering
Now you've pointed it out...it is one of those words isn't it?
shudder

Rude and tight IMO. Get your own back by booking him for an equally unwanted and unpaid for appointment. For example a back crack and sack wax at the same beautician . . .

I do talk to him, yes.
Evidently not enough about pampering etiquette.
And didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying "why the fuck would I pay for this? You booked it".
Which is odd, usually I would but I was very shocked as it's very unlike him.

Oh, 3 salons...not likely to be an error, then...

While he did not use the word 'gift', saying 'I have booked you in for A, B, C' certainly implies that it's on him.

I think honesty is the best policy in this case. It is embarrassing but if he thinks this is acceptable then he needs re-educating!

I would straight out tell him that you are embarrassed to have to raise the matter but that when he told you he had booked you in for treatments (without being asked to) you naturally assumed that it was his treat and would be picking up the tab. Explain to him that it was embarrassing at the first salon because you assumed there had been some kind of oversight on their part...until the same thing happened at the next two salons. Also explain - since you believed it was a gift from him - that you may not have taken your purse and could have been in the very humiliating position of not being able to pay at the first salon, and on that basis, cancel the next two appts.

Did he buy you a Christmas present? If so, he might have thought it was a foregone conclusion that he was basically making sure you committed to a little 'me time' while he looked after your DD but would not be paying? Still, he could have made sure you understood the gift was the gift of time to yourself and you'd be paying out of the money you have for family spends? I would have expected him to make that clear, or at least, given me the choice of what kind of 'me time' I'd like if I was paying myself...

In your shoes, I would have fully expected not to be paying and would be bewildered and a bit miffed tbh. And, I would have to let him know my feelings if I were you.
Unless you know he a joker...in which case, he may in a few days spring it on you that it was a joke and hand over the cash?
I wouldn't be able to last that long but it would strengthen your position if you did this as you can say that you were so sure it was a joke and he was going to come clean and reimburse you that you hadn't brought it up - that sort of reinforces how unacceptable you think it is!

I would check just in case you have been swizzed and he did pay, after which if he didn't pay you are advised to grab him by the balls and squeeze tightly then ask him how does he light it when someone's tightfisted