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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get how to take this "gift"

82 replies

Kab13 · 04/01/2015 18:14

Dh decided to book me in to have my nails, hair and makeup done. Lovely (bar me not being bothered enough to spend the whole day having it all done but hey thought was there).
I had to pay for it all. He just booked it.
I know he has the money to pay, he just... Didn't.
Does this count as a gift? Or just giving me the chance to spend my own money?
It confused me somewhat.
Aibu to say something to him (probably really not worth it) I just don't want this urrrr gift again (at the risk of sounding ungrateful)

OP posts:
Clobbered · 04/01/2015 18:28

Is it possible that he messed up and didn't realise he hadn't paid? Entirely possible that they have charged you twice - do check. If that isn't the case, then "What on earth were you thinking?" is not an unreasonable response.

Clobbered · 04/01/2015 18:29

Sorry, cross-posted, so he realised you had to pay! Bloody shameful, I'd be fuming.

Original poster
Kab13 · 04/01/2015 18:29

my teeth that's a great idea too.
Funny thing is we did go out for a meal that night, i ended up paying for that too!
I god.
LTB

OP posts:
longestlurkerever · 04/01/2015 18:29

Was it an actual birthday or Christmas gift or just an extra post Christmas treat because if the former I take back my previous post and agree it's lame.

Fedupmuch · 04/01/2015 18:32

I wouldn't think too much of it but we share money and would expect him to transfer additional funds over if I needed it for something else. I guess it's like him saying he doesn't mind the shared fuss being spent on this and therefore still a treat. It might seem a more romantic gesture if he used his own card. On the other hand are you sure he hadn't paid for it and the salon wasn't just at it?.

Original poster
Kab13 · 04/01/2015 18:32

long it was just a random thing. Think it was meant to be relaxing but I find all the small talk and sitting around having people stick plastic nails on me and plaster me on makeup kinda tedious so it wasn't even that.
Not that he knew that...

OP posts:
sonjadog · 04/01/2015 18:33

That is not a gift in any sense.

Cancel his birthday present and order something else with an involve sent directly to him.

Original poster
Kab13 · 04/01/2015 18:35

I suppose because he usually pays the mortgage, food bills, car costs, house bills etc and I use my money for "nice things" ie family days out it may be his way of saying "spend some on yourself" type thing.
But he still could afford to spend it himself.
Ie; I saw a coat he would love on sale, so I brought it for him rather than sending him the link and telling him to buy it himself.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 04/01/2015 18:38

Perhaps it was his way of getting you done up for the night out? Sounds weird - I would have come home incredulous I'd had to pay; in fact I probably would have rung my DP while I was at the salon and asked had he not paid or left his card details as they'd just asked me to settle the bill and it was a gift, wasn't it?

noseymcposey · 04/01/2015 18:39

strange! Especially the make-up bit, it's not even something that lasts!

What did he do? Look after the children?

Original poster
Kab13 · 04/01/2015 18:42

Yeah, he had dd for the day. We only went out to the local pub for the meal.
I had previously brought some makeup from the lady who did my makeup. Still a tad random.
Maybe he thinks I need lessons :L

OP posts:
rookiemere · 04/01/2015 18:43

Why haven't you spoken to him about it and why did you end up paying for the dinner out? I'd be raging and I'd say so. A present is not booking you in for something that you don't want - in fact it's "improving" your appearance so more for him than you - then you having to pay for it.

CaptainAnkles · 04/01/2015 18:46

How did you not go home ready to scorch the earth by shouting at him? It's not a gift, it's an expensive insult.

Nanny0gg · 04/01/2015 18:46

Why don't you actually ask him what his thinking was? And then tell him that if you'd wanted to pay for all that yourself, you'd have booked it yourself?

Original poster
Kab13 · 04/01/2015 18:46

I payed for the dinner just because it's what my wages go on, the "nice stuff" he has a couple of hundred left from his after paying for everything but we save that usually unless it's my birthday or dds and then we chip into it that month.
I knew I'd pay for dinner, that was kind of a given but the rest was very random.

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 04/01/2015 18:48

Uhm no that's not a gift.

I'd return the favour in kind for his birthday.

Original poster
Kab13 · 04/01/2015 18:48

I don't know, usually if be fuming.
It just baffled me so much I kind of couldn't bring myself to say anything.
Now I think of it...it is an expensive insult!
Do weight watchers do vouchers?
Perhaps an even better birthday present...

OP posts:
Jodie1982 · 04/01/2015 18:49

I would've said something to him as soon as I knew I had to pay for it! That's no bloody gift!

Moreisnnogedag · 04/01/2015 19:01

What the heck?! That's not a gift. If he wanted to, the better thing to do would have been to say he'd look after dd for the day and you could do whatever you fancied.

erin99 · 04/01/2015 19:04

did he mention the word 'gift'?

If not, giving you a 'day off to be pampered' is arguably a nice thing to do, to give you a treat. Bit weird to be quite so prescriptive about it, especially with the make up thing, but I can imagine him getting it from a magazine article or forum and not applying it quite right.

But if he presented it as a gift rather than a treat, how bizarre!

LillyEvans · 04/01/2015 19:04

Have you not asked him why?

Original poster
Kab13 · 04/01/2015 19:12

No, he didn't say it was a gift. Just that he had booked it.
I haven't said anything because after mentioning about paying for it before and getting no response I feel a tad awkward bringing it up again...

OP posts:
notonyourninny · 04/01/2015 19:14

Are you sure there wasn't a mix up ie he had paid but salon got it wrong. Otherwise very odd.

Original poster
Kab13 · 04/01/2015 19:15

He definitely didn't pay. I had to go to 3 different salons. They all charged me

OP posts:
mewkins · 04/01/2015 19:22

I would definitely give him tge recipts and ask him to transfer the funds. And then tell that in future he either gives you a gift voucher or you will just book the appointments of your choosing thanks.

I mean really, you wouldn't do that for a friend or other family member, why do it to your wife?