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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To caveat a wedding acceptance with this:

63 replies

Schweetheart · 03/01/2015 19:28

"We would love to come to your wedding (a 4.5hr drive away) but it will largely depend on whether dd2, who will then be 7mths and is a staunch ebf'd bottle refuser who wakes every 2.5 hours from 7pm-7am, sleeps better and will take a bottle by then"....

It's likely that dd1 (3yo) will stay over at my parents and then dd2 will stay with PIL. Currently dd2 can only be consoled by me, not even DH. I think she's teething which obv isn't helping the clingyness but I can't imagine she'll be easy to leave in another 6-7 weeks from now.

I find it hard to leave my dc with people anyway and am generally a bit like a lioness when breast feeding so this is worrying me.

The wedding is someone in my extended family who I'm not specially close to. I'd feel lame saying now that we couldn't go but I don't want to spend the next 6 weeks worrying about this. I'm happy to keep trying a bottle but don't have a huge amount of time to do so, and I'm not inclined to try any kind of sleep training yet, and certainly not just for this wedding.

PIL are capable I'm sure but they both work full time, are in their early 60s and haven't even babysat for an evening for us since dd2 was born. As things stand I think it would be horrific and exhausting for them and for dd2.

We'd need to leave around 8am then be back the following day at lunchtime.

OP posts:
Pixa · 03/01/2015 19:30

When is their RSVP date? Smile

DidoTheDodo · 03/01/2015 19:30

I'd just decline the invitation now and stop both you and the bride from worrying. It sounds like far too much hassle all round!

YonicSleighdriver · 03/01/2015 19:30

If you decline, I doubt they would think twice about it. If you caveat your acceptance, they won't know what to do with you on the seating plan etc.

I would decline in your shoes.

Original poster
Schweetheart · 03/01/2015 19:31

I actually quite fancy a night away with DH in a hotel etc but this timing feels wrong.

I know everyone would survive but is it worth the stress??

OP posts:
306235388 · 03/01/2015 19:32

Decline

Original poster
Schweetheart · 03/01/2015 19:32

RSVP date is 9th jan.

I think other family members would think I'm really lame.

I know that 6/7 weeks is a long time in the life of a baby and a lot can change ...

OP posts:
Haggisfish · 03/01/2015 19:32

No. Just decline. If you fancy a night away nearer the time, go somewhete else with dh.

Original poster
Schweetheart · 03/01/2015 19:33

I thought you were all going to tell me to man up and go!!

OP posts:
TuttiFrutti · 03/01/2015 19:33

You have to decline! The bride and groom will be paying £100 per head for food, they really won't want to waste two places on people who might not turn up. If you decline now, they will have the chance to invite other people.

worserevived · 03/01/2015 19:34

Decline the invite. The bride and groom will have to pay for your place at the reception whether you turn up or not, so given you aren't particularly close and are probably a duty invite, it would be polite to decline so that they can invite someone who can definitely attend.

Cherriesandapples · 03/01/2015 19:34

Why don't you take the baby, stay in a hotel and team tag with your hubby? I did this with my DS and it was quite good fun. I would be

YellowTulips · 03/01/2015 19:34

I think you have to decline. It's not fair to hold a place when it's likely you won't be able to go.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 03/01/2015 19:35

You may find it stressful, but if its a close friend then is it worth the stress?

As you arent close, just decline.

MaidOfStars · 03/01/2015 19:35

No, don't add any caveat - seems like you're fishing for baby to be invited. Would that be something you'd favour?

If it's too much hassle, stress, worry, just decline.

flowery · 03/01/2015 19:36

"PIL are capable I'm sure but they both work full time, are in their early 60s and haven't even babysat for an evening for us since dd2 was born. As things stand I think it would be horrific and exhausting for them and for dd2."

Wouldn't even occur to me to go under those circumstances.

PotteringAlong · 03/01/2015 19:36

Say yes or no but no caveat.

YvetteChauvire · 03/01/2015 19:36

Decline. They don't need the uncertainty about you and your husband, they will really have enough to worry about.

GingerbreadPudding · 03/01/2015 19:37

Decline. At my wedding I was delighted when distant relatives declined as it meant I could invite more of my friends. Save a night away for later on when you and your husband can enjoy it more.

Pixa · 03/01/2015 19:37

I would decline also, especially if it isn't someone you are close too. If the RSVP date was a little bit further away, I would say see how you feel then.

Elmersnewfriend · 03/01/2015 19:37

I would just decline now. 6-7 weeks is along time, I agree, but you're talking about being away for more than 24 hours - it's quite a leap for a baby who currently only goes to you (my middle one was just the same, I know how hard that can be).

Controversial I know, but could you ask them if the baby could go too? Your eldest wouldn't be, so it's not like you're trying to completely rewrite the rules.

HolyTerror · 03/01/2015 19:38

What do you actually want to do? Is it a child-free wedding, or is there some other reason you can't/don't want to take the baby with you? If you're happy not to go, I would ignore what other family members think, and decline gracefully now.

toptomatoes · 03/01/2015 19:38

i would decline now. We have had to do similar in the past and it is probably more annoying for the bride and groom to have an uncertain acceptance; they will probably think you are angling for an invite for baby. My ebf babies were still feeding a lot at that age and neither ever took a bottle.

MehsMum · 03/01/2015 19:38

Can't you take the baby? I've taken ebf babies to weddings...

But if you don't want to go, you have a perfect excuse.

SaucyJack · 03/01/2015 19:39

Just decline- please don't send that. In the nicest possible way..... they probably have bigger fish to fry than worrying about whether someone's baby will take a bottle.

SirChenjin · 03/01/2015 19:39

Agree with the others who say decline. They B&G are more concerned with numbers and payment at this stage - don't keep them hanging on or put them in the difficult position of feeling as if they have to invite your DC as well.