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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People judging others parenting

60 replies

kbbeanie · 02/01/2015 22:07

My ds is almost 3. He got a kids tablet for xmas. He doesnt use it very often as he still likes to play with toys and isnt keen on sitting still for very long but he uses it on long car journeys, if we are waiting somewhere or if hes feeling a bit tired or out of sorts. (He was using my tablet before he got his) and he enjoys a wee 5 mins here or there playing his wee games.

In a restaurant today and we were waiting on a meal. He was sat quietly at the table playing the game but also interacting in conversation with us and telling us what was happening in his game etc. He usually would be hard to get to sit still when waiting in a restaurant.

This lady sat.at the table next to us in her 30s or so with her partner. She turned round and said to us 'if you let him sit and do that pointed to him on the phone hes never going to have any manners'
I was shocked and i just said 'isnt it better than him running around ruining everyones elses meal'
She tutted and said to her partner 'young people having kids'
For the record at 24 i dont consider myself to be too young and i also dont think people should be judged on their parenting regardless of their age

AIBU to think she should have kept her opinion to herself ? Or would you have said the same

OP posts:
GertyD · 02/01/2015 22:11

As a parent, it is easy to take sting after sting after sting, from others that think they know better, and they bloody hurt sometimes.

YANBU.

I would have probably said something very inappropriate for my nearly 3 year olds ears to her Grin

RabbitSaysWoof · 02/01/2015 22:14

She sounds rude. None of her business regardless of anyones take on dc's with gadgets you didn't ask for her opinion.
I actually find the constant audience the most stressful part of parenting, 'better' parents upset me more than my kid ever could.

Nanny0gg · 02/01/2015 22:16

People will always judge.

However, if they possess any manners at all, they will keep their opinions to themselves.

Perhaps you should have replied 'At least he's got time to learn some. Clearly it's too late for you...'

southeastastra · 02/01/2015 22:16

wow as if she had manners to say that in the first place! most odd, ignore

therockinghorseroll · 02/01/2015 22:18

YANBU - I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from pointing out her own very appalling manners Grin

I don't give a shit how people parent their kids, with the proviso that it doesn't affect me. Or more often, my kids - e.g. my cousin's child was alllowed to run riot over Christmas, hit, sat on and threw chairs at my DD until she ended up hiding in bed, that I have something so say about. Using a tablet, not so much.

WooWooOwl · 02/01/2015 22:18

She should certainly have kept her comment away from your hearing, she was rude, but parenting is one of those things that everyone has an opinion on whether or not they have children.

VivienneRuns · 02/01/2015 22:24

Anything which keeps children quiet and in their seats in restaurants is a good thing. She's an idiot. A very rude and nosy idiot.

Most people appreciate parents who keep their children entertained and under control so that everybody's meal can be enjoyed!!!! The method is irrelevant Smile

WanderingTrolley1 · 02/01/2015 22:28

Yanbu.

She's a fine one to talk about manners!

outtahell · 02/01/2015 22:33

My folks used to bring colouring books and crayons to keep us quiet -this is no different.

ConfusedintheNorth · 02/01/2015 22:38

Your reply was a LOT more polite than mine would have been... actually I'd have probably then taken it off him and asked if he'd learnt any new songs at school lately... Mwhahahahaha! - YANBU!

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 02/01/2015 22:42

She's a twat. Like you say it's better than them running riot or screaming through boredom. My DD is 18 months and we always take a tablet in my handbag when we go out for meals just in case. Most of the time she doesn't need it but when she does its a godsend! We always put it on queerly enough so no one else can hear. We've had grumpy glares from tossers people but I usually just grin manically, wave and shout "hiya". Usually makes them turn away Grin

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 02/01/2015 22:42

*quietly not queerly

Original poster
kbbeanie · 02/01/2015 22:43

Thank you's. I was starting to think i was being a bad parent by letting him play on it. He is generally a very well behaved child (not in the house lol) when hes out and about. But it is hard for such a young child to sit quietly in a fairly boring room for a while.
I do wish i had thought of some of your comebacks about her manners though !!

It tends to be childless people who dish out the criticism as well. Hope someday they find themselves sat after a long stressful day with their child on a tablet enjoying 10 mins of peace and stressing about the effects of their behaviour on others. (dp ill and had spent the day in a&e and then popped in for a quick meal with family as previously planned while dp had a quiet rest at home)

I dont feel like such a bad mummy now lol

OP posts:
Siarie · 02/01/2015 22:47

My first isn't even out of the womb and I'm already getting lots of "advice". Which isn't really advice because when you challenge it back people get realky snotty. I've had a lot of "just you wait and see" and "tell me if you agree when you get there". Just ignore it, I think the lady was rude to even feel she should make comment.

Discopanda · 02/01/2015 22:48

I never take mine out for dinner or coffee without a colouring book and crayons and sometimes emergency snacks and she's just under 3. Your child is far too young to be able to stay put in silence unless the restaurant staff are able to take your order and bring out food in less than 10 minutes! Perhaps she would have preferred a grumpy toddler shouting and trying to run around? FWIW I'm 27 and my mum doesn't think there's anything wrong with us giving our DD something to keep her amused when we go out.

afreshstartplease · 02/01/2015 22:50

It's a tablet not a crack pipe

I would have told her to do one

AmantesSuntAmentes · 02/01/2015 22:52

You're not a bad mum! Nor do you have to justify why your son was playing a game, not to us and certainly not to some mannerless cretin who chose to have a dig.

Perfect The Gaze. A particularly steely one, which has the capacity to hush the mouths of busy bodies, before they've even dared to open them. Tbis is how I pass the time waiting at restaurants, when DC are otherwise engaged (occasionally on tablets!).

Strokethefurrywall · 02/01/2015 22:53

I would have told her to get bent. We take our iPad most places if we want to be able to enjoy something to eat or DS (3 years) doesn't have any pals with him. Most of his day is spent running around at pre-school anyway and given he has no interest in food I have no qualms bringing something to distract him!

caravanista13 · 02/01/2015 23:13

Ok - it's just me that thinks that, although she was wrong to say it, what she said was right. Whatever happened to civilised conversation?

however · 02/01/2015 23:19

The correct response would have been: a sad face followed by "you obviously play with them a lot, then." Followed by a head tilt.

JavelinArse · 02/01/2015 23:22

I would judge if I saw a child at a restaurant playing with a tablet, I wouldn't say anything to the parents though. She was BU to make that comment to you.

Bulbasaur · 02/01/2015 23:22

caravanista13 What sort of civilized conversation do you intend to have with a 3 year old? Do tell. Grin

This isn't any different than getting crayons and a kids menu to keep the children entertained.

I'd probably get a bit patronizing "That's nice dear. Now mind your manners and don't disturb the other customers." or I'd just give her a nonplussed shrug before going back to doing what I was doing. I've gotten used to all the unsolicited parenting advice, I naturally ignore it at this point.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory · 03/01/2015 00:07

Yes good point about crayons, I'm one of three siblings and my mum would have sooner gone out the house with no clothes on than no crayons in her handbag. What's the difference between colouring in and playing with a tablet? I think in some circles technology is feared and seen as something for the thoughtless and lazy of the world fuck knows why though.

ChickenMe · 03/01/2015 00:30

"Keep beaky out" would be a good response. You say it while tapping your nose. I got it off a friend and its suitably patronising.
We all have opinions. We are entitled to have them. Most of us know not to share potentially offensive ones with strangers.

Aliwithtwins · 03/01/2015 00:33

I guess she has no children... One of the great rules of the universe is; 'all the things you have judged others for when childless, you will be forced to do yourself when a parent'. A friend of mine once criticised me for using peppa pig to entertain my two in a cafe. Her reasoning was her child was two years younger (9 months) and he was ALREADY well behaved in cafe. A year later and guess what?
It also entertains me when pregnant friends say they'll NEVER co sleep, NEVER bottle feed, NEVER give them juice, not let toys take over the living room... You know the Gods are listening and making notes...