People judging others parenting

[kbbeanie]

My ds is almost 3. He got a kids tablet for xmas. He doesnt use it very often as he still likes to play with toys and isnt keen on sitting still for very long but he uses it on long car journeys, if we are waiting somewhere or if hes feeling a bit tired or out of sorts. (He was using my tablet before he got his) and he enjoys a wee 5 mins here or there playing his wee games.

In a restaurant today and we were waiting on a meal. He was sat quietly at the table playing the game but also interacting in conversation with us and telling us what was happening in his game etc. He usually would be hard to get to sit still when waiting in a restaurant.

This lady sat.at the table next to us in her 30s or so with her partner. She turned round and said to us 'if you let him sit and do that pointed to him on the phone hes never going to have any manners'
I was shocked and i just said 'isnt it better than him running around ruining everyones elses meal'
She tutted and said to her partner 'young people having kids'
For the record at 24 i dont consider myself to be too young and i also dont think people should be judged on their parenting regardless of their age

AIBU to think she should have kept her opinion to herself ? Or would you have said the same

I had similar when we were in Disneyland op. Ds's were 2 and 4 and some of the queues for rides were 20/30 minutes.

We used to give them our I phones in the queues to keep them occupied. They were a lifesaver.

On about the third day there, we were waiting for 'it's a small world' and this woman in front turned around a few times to look at the dc, doing what looked like an 'aw bless' face. Then after a while she turned around and said she thought it was awful nowadays that 'all people do is stick there kids on an electronic device, it's such a shame' and poor kids .

Poor bloody kids? They're in Disneyland you fricking weirdo, we're hardly locking them in a basement with a tablet and leaving them be

When my kids were young we took games etc with us to restaurants to keep them entertained and stop them getting bored and noisy. Games on tablets are just the modern equivalent.
I think tablets are fine for kids used sparingly.
She was rude, your child's behaviour wasn't affecting her (unless it was a very loud running commentary on the game) so she should have minded her own business.
People judge all sorts though and parenting isn't exempt.
I'd have told her that if you'd wanted her opinion you'd have asked for it.

wow..just wow im afraid id have gone postal ..what a rude woman

It's fear of comments like this - and the knowledge that so many are thinking you're a shit parent even if they do t say anything - that make every trip out the house with my eldest son so fucking stressful that I'm often on the edge of tears.

DS1 has his own iPad. At four. Entirely his, filled with apps he likes. And he sits and plays on it every time we go to a a cafe or restaurant. He also gets pushed around in a buggy when in shops or if there are a lot of people about. Shocking!

He has ASD and is currently quite seriously impaired by it. Without a buggy and an iPad we couldn't go to a restaurant, or even a cafe, or do any of the things that my DH, younger DS like or want to do. No days out at the aquarium or zoo. No visiting family abroad. Life with a seriously disabled DC is so very fucking stressful and sad that I think we have the right to do those things as a family.

And yet I know that as his disability is hidden that we get judged to fuck all day every day by people who would never give an iPad to a four year old in a restaurant. Well walk a mile in my shoes. I was a perfect parent too before I had kids. I never judge others' parenting. You just don't know.

Whether you are giving crayons and colouring books, tablets, or only going to places where the acoustic is family friendly or there is a play area, its all the same - you are biding your time until they can sit at the table nicely without annoying anyone without these things. They will get there regardless, around the same time, whichever method you choose. No one method is superior to another. When my nieces and nephews were small, we were stuck with Brewers Fayre and the like because my SIL said they "had" to have a play area or the meal would be ruined (probably true). If she had had children 20 years later she would probably say the "had" to have a tablet or a colouring book. There will come a time where children will sit nicely and quietly without these things - its down to their level of development, not what went before. Its all pretty much the same.

Her comment about young people having kids makes me think there's a pang of jealousy in what this woman said.

I double ignore judgy comments from childless people. They honestly have no fucking clue what it's like to wrangle a bad tempered or bored toddler in public. What are you supposed to do? Never take him out or get him used to eating in restaurants? Only take him to McDonalds (which you would also get judged for)? You can't win.

It's not just strangers.

I love it when my sister who hasn't had kids yet says to me - just take his iPad away for ever if he misbehaves.

Yeah because that will resolve it. Taking away something we bought him for his birthday forever and that helps keep him amused on trips and planes etc - who is that really punishing!

Can't wait until she has kids. Apparently they won't have dummies, will be in a routine straight away and will never sleep in her bed and will be perfectly disciplined with no access to electrical devices.

Cannot wait.

My son got his first Nintendo DS when he was 6. When he was 9 we were on holiday in Italy and he was playing with it while we were at a restaurant (he always used to take his DS and a book out if we were going to a restaurant in case he got bored but didn't always play or read as a matter of course).

At one of the restaurants in Italy the waiter obviously didn't approve - I think he made some comment to ds about talking to his parents rather than having his head in book/DS.

He's now 12 and holds intelligent conversations. Reading/playing computer games hasn't stunted his conversational development or ability to behave in restaurants without entertainment.

Personally if I am out in a restaurant I'd much rather that someone else's child have entertainment than start running around/crying/screaming because they are bored. Especially in some places where you wait AGES.